Most people don’t like obstacles. That makes a certain sort of sense. After all, when you’ve got a goal that you’re trying to accomplish, the last thing you want or need is something standing in your way.  Obstacles seem to make us stand still; they keep us from getting where we want to go. They cause us to lose whatever momentum we’ve built up. In worst-case scenarios, they become the roadblocks standing in the way of allowing us ever to get there at all.

It’s no wonder obstacles look so daunting. You might as well pack up now and go home. Right?

Wrong!

What if obstacles weren’t as bad as you thought? What if the one thing you’re facing right now might hold the solution to the very problem you’re trying to solve? Consider this for a moment: What if what you’re looking at is not so much an obstacle, as an opportunity? That it’s your emotions holding you back, making you think an obstacle is a stopping point, instead of a new beginning?

It’s time to rethink obstacles.

Read on to find nine simple steps that will help you keep your emotions in check as you reach out and embrace obstacles. It’s time to see the opportunities you never imagined were there and to travel new roads you’ve never been down before. 

1. Take a Minute

Whatever you’re doing when you hit the obstacle, quit it. When you stop, you give yourself time to consider the options without all the emotions flaring up. You guard yourself against acting impulsively in a way you might come to regret later on. 

To do this, start by taking a deep breath or two. Define the emotions you’re feeling, then wait for them to calm. Knowing whether you’re sad, or angry, or frustrated will help you to find that calm place faster, as you would address each emotion differently. For example, ask yourself what you’re angry at if you are indeed angry. If you’re sad, accept the sorrow as being a natural part of the disappointment of meeting something that keeps you from your goal.

As challenging as it might be, don’t try to rush through the feeling or push it down. The best way to use this setback as fodder for out-of-the-box thinking is to embrace the emotion, no matter what it is. Own it and feel it in your body. Once you feel it’s settled, you’re ready to move on. This process may take an hour, a day, or a week, depending on how major the project and how substantial the complication.

2. Accept Where You Are

Realize obstacles happen. The more you fight them, the worse they’re going to seem. Like standing in quicksand, the sooner you come to accept the situation, the better it’s going to go for you. It’s the struggle that pulls you down. So, take a minute to tell yourself this is a natural and healthy part of the process. Remember, the emotions you’re feeling are legitimate and real. It’s where you are, right now, at this moment. But the feeling won’t last forever.

3. Flip the Switch

After acknowledging the emotions of the moment, choose to let them go. It’s time to switch over to the logical side of your brain, where you store wisdom and experiences. That’s where you’re able to process what just happened and consider your options.

Next, take a step back and look at the obstacle from an outside point of view. That means looking at it as if you were a stranger standing on the outside of your life looking in. What would they see right now? Question your assumptions to find a unique solution.

4. Get Creative

Here’s where a little flexibility is going to go a long way. Start examining the alternatives. Be as creative as possible and don’t discount anything offhand for being ‘too silly.’ Sometimes it’s those silly ideas that are going to get you thinking along a different path entirely. Sure, it’s normal to feel some disappointment at this point. Chances are you had your path all planned out. But when you consider all the new possibilities, it’s easy to get excited about trying something new. Use this energy to fuel you toward the next step.

5. Embrace the Lesson

Every obstacle holds something from which you can learn. Ask yourself what you gained in facing the roadblock. How are you looking at the world differently? What can you share with those around you about your experience? When you cannot only ask these questions but also answer them, you’re discovering the meaning in the encounter. You haven’t wasted your experience, and even roadblocks can hold a purpose.

6. Break Things Down

Frequently our problem with obstacles starts with trying to take on too much at once. In moving forward, re-examine the goal you were trying to accomplish. Break down your goal into smaller steps. By focusing on these smaller goals, you’ll find it easier to move ahead. Also, you won’t be quite so overwhelmed by the big picture.

7. Admit You’re Only Human

Everyone makes mistakes. By permitting yourself to fail, you’ll accept obstacles that sometimes occur due to human error. In some ways, these feel like the worst sorts of obstacles because it’s easy to get caught up in a negative thinking spiral when this happens. You might even start questioning your abilities and wind up wanting to give up on your goal altogether.

Here’s where it becomes crucial to keep things in perspective. By acknowledging you are only human after all, you’re able to admit when you are wrong and to move on. What’s more, you’ll be better able to accept when you make mistakes again in the future, because after all, you will. We all do.

8. Reconsider the Goal

In the end, it might be the obstacle was connected to what you were trying to accomplish in the first place. It might be the goal either wasn’t well thought out or isn’t what you needed to do in the first place. It might be time to consider the original premise all over again. Is this obstacle trying to tell you something?

Sometimes the obstacle comes because you’d made a shift in what you were trying to do. Have you somehow changed your goal midstream? It might be you need to rethink your plan of attack entirely. When this happens, your obstacle has instead become an opportunity to move in a direction that suits your purposes better.

9. Don’t Forget to Celebrate!

It might seem odd to be thinking about celebrations when talking about obstacles but consider this: When you celebrate your accomplishments, you embrace the journey you’ve been on, barriers and all. Even if you’ve stalled out completely, you can celebrate the progress you made and the work you put into the project. These are all worth getting excited about, and the emotions here are worth embracing.

Then when the party is over, ask yourself where you want to go from here. Make choosing a new goal part of the celebration. That’s also something to get excited over.

Bonus tip: Ask for Help

As a note, you should never have to do hard things alone. When you’re facing an obstacle, it’s okay to ask for help. Mentors and support systems are integral to the process of working your way through difficulties. The benefit of a mentor is clear: they’ve very likely been in this position before, and have the wisdom and insight to lead you through to the next stage of development. 

Support systems are made up of those friends, co-workers, and relatives who can act as the bulwark to shore you up when you feel like you’re falling flat on your face. This group should only ever be made up of people who support you wholeheartedly. That’s not to say they’re all cheerleaders or ‘yes-men.’ A sound support system is willing to speak up when they see you heading in what they perceive to be the wrong direction. They’re also there to encourage you and to remind you why you’re working toward this goal in the first place.

Finally, don’t discount professional help where it’s needed. If you find you’re having trouble separating your emotions from the process, you might need a little bit of help in working things through. There’s nothing wrong with seeking advice from a counselor or medical professional if you find you’re overwhelmed and unable to proceed.

In the end, by embracing the obstacles you meet in trying to attain your goals, you’re likewise embracing a new way of thinking. You’re adjusting your mindset to one of success instead of failure. You’re accepting there are different ways to do things, and that the things standing in your way are more often new opportunities than a true stopping point. You’re looking at life in a way that allows you to go places you never thought possible before.

The key here is in control. Your emotions shouldn’t be what’s holding your back. Of course, it’s okay to feel what you do when you meet with an obstacle. The key is in not staying there when it’s time to move forward again because you will move forward again if you keep trying.

The benefit of listening to someone closely is you come away with a greater understanding of that person. When you give someone your attention, they tell a lot about themselves. To know a person on a deeper level and understand what motivates them actively listen when they are speaking. This will also tell you about their dreams and goals in life.  

While most of us hear the words that are spoken, not all people have the ability to listen as attentively as others. This is why the skill of active listening is a desirable trait that will help you develop good relationships.

When you start to listen to a person you gain more insights such as:

• Understanding what they expect of themselves and you
• Build better relationships with family, friends and your coworkers
• You will be able to resolve issues more quickly
• Have a better understanding of what people are trying to tell you
• You will know how to respond properly
• You will become a trusted and respected person

The moment you present yourself as someone who is not listening, your trust  you truly hearing what another person is saying. You will need to overcome barriers in order to become good at listening.  The most common ones include things like:

• Prejudice
• Language and accent barriers
• Noise levels
• Fear
• Anger
• Worry
• Poor attention span
• Hearing issues

Some barriers are going to prevent even the best listener to fully understand the issue. A great example of this is trying to listen to someone who is not speaking their native language. They may use the correct words, but the biggest handicap is their accent. No matter how hard you try to understand the words you can not.  

There are things you can do if you are having a hard time understanding someone? A good active listener will often try to do the following things to improve their comprehension of the situation.

• Move-in a little closer
• Keep eye contact
• Nodding shows you understand what is being said
• Ask appropriate questions
• Try to clarify the issue in your own words
• Have them write out the word you do not understand

This will show the person that you are doing your best to understand them. This will go a long way to put the person speaking at ease. Quite often they are feeling stressed out, nervous and anxious. By helping them to put their feelings behind them, they can often explain the situation better.

Employing a few of these suggestions will greatly improve your listening skills. Just be aware that there are problems that can prevent you from fully understanding people sometimes.

Being kinder is not about making sacrifices or denying your own needs. Treating people kindly is not an imposition or another task on your checklist.

It’s the outward manifestation of living positively. Kindness is all about mindset, and you can train your brain to make kindness almost automatic. Ever notice that being kind to someone makes you feel good too? It’s because altruism promotes a chemical reaction in your brain, releasing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals make you feel good but also work to reinforce positive social behavior. By laying down new neural pathways, you set yourself up for living a positive, kinder life.

Here are some scientifically proven tips for engineering kindness into your brain.

1. Choose to be kind

In choosing to be kind, you are consciously resetting your mindset to treat people with compassion and empathy. Notice the effect of your kindness on others. When you smile, people’s natural reaction is to smile back. You set up a kindness loop that keeps on paying itself forward!

When you choose to be kind, regardless of how you are feeling, it will turn even a miserable day into a brighter one. Acts of kindness sends the message to your brain that all is well, and before you know it you’ll be feeling more cheerful.

2. Do more random acts of kindness

Studies have shown that carrying out five random acts of kindness every week is the single most effective way of increasing your happiness. Anything from buying a complete stranger a cup of coffee, to letting another driver into the traffic, or mowing your neighbor’s lawn will make you and the other guy feel good.

3. Be kind to yourself.

Self-kindness starts with noticing your self-talk. Are you encouraging or judging? Do you start from a position of ‘yes you can’ or ‘you’ll never do it’? Pay attention to that voice in your head, and change the script to kindness.

Build little acts of self-care into your day. Reward successes, big and small. Take time to do the things that make you feel good. Make sure you get enough sleep, stay hydrated and have a nutritious diet.

4. Practice gratitude

Make it a daily practice to count your blessings. Research has shown you will be happier when you notice the good things in your life and practice gratitude. The outcome is so marked that it changes your brain structure! Brain scans have shown the effect of mindfulness and gratitude.  The part of the brain that reacts to stress shrinks, while the regions associated with self-awareness and compassion grow.

When people themselves are happy, they experience positive feelings which they attribute as being something good. But when people make others happy, it elevates those positive feelings even further. There is no doubt that people love to make others happy. In fact, if you are ever feeling down yourself, one way to bring yourself up is to find ways to make others happy. This will give you the feeling of peace and contentment you are looking for.

When you strive to make others happy, they notice. They will get a boost in their mood which you will see that reaction in their face immediately. It may even be returned to you in kind, either immediately, or sometime in the future.

The great part about making others happy is it is relatively easy to do. It can be as simple as paying someone a compliment. Or it can be helping out a colleague whose workload is overextended. Sometimes, simply thanking someone can lift up their spirits no matter how small the task that you are thanking them for is.

One really easy way to make people happy is to smile. Smiling is a warm and friendly act that most people will respond to positively by smiling back. A smile is a form of welcoming and shows that you are opening yourself up to those people. It gives people an invitation to approach you.

Another way to make someone happy is to simply listen to them. You will be amazed at how this everytime you apply it . People aren’t usually good listeners so if you stand out as

If you want to go a step further in making others happy, try to learn more about the people that you want to make happy. Be interested in what they do. Then, if you see something related to their interests, either bring it to their attention or give them something related that shows you were paying attention.

It’s important to be genuine when making others happy and not use it as a form of manipulation. People will pick right up on that tactic and it is sure to backfire on you. Since it doesn’t really work anyway, why bother even trying it? People will appreciate you much more and will respond positively to your efforts to make them happy instead of trying to get something out of it for yourself. They will also be more willing to make you happy when the effort is real. You gather more bees with honey, then vinegar.

Our daily lives, for the most part, are controlled by the habits that we have developed over our lifetime. Many times we don’t realize that the behaviors that we exhibit are habits, because they have become automatic and intentional. A lot of habits that we have are unconscious actions that automate the more mundane tasks that we have throughout the day. Many of them start at the time that we wake up and continue until we finally fall asleep. 

Research suggests that up to 40% of our daily routine is habitual.  It starts with brushing our teeth, to the way we make our coffee, from the routes that we take to and from work, to the way that our desks are organized. All of this has become an intentional, automatic function of our daily lives.

Habits are formed through learning. Often time, an action follows a cue. The alarm clock sounds, we hit snooze. We come home, put our things down, walk to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. We become rigid in this type of routine. When this rigidity is met with uncertainty, it creates a little chaos, so we make sure that this rigidity is always defined. 

If going to the same store every morning means we get that particular bagel, then we do not need to worry about what we are going to eat for breakfast. If we go to that store enough to realize that the bagel is always there at 8:15 in the morning, then we train ourselves to be at that store at 8:15 in the morning.

This daily routine of going to the store over time becomes a habit. We know that we will get what we want when we want it, it becomes a process that has become automatic. A lot of times habits form to reduce the number of decisions we need to make. According to Vincent Carlos, in an article titled, Why So Many Successful People Wear the Same Outfit Every Day,  

“every decision you make uses up your mental energy. Just the simple act of thinking about whether you should choose A or B will tire you out and reduce your brainpower. This means that the more decisions you have to make throughout the day, the weaker your decision-making process will become.”

 In this article, Carlos goes on to say that successful people like Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerburg, and others have automated specific tasks throughout their days, to reduce the number of decisions that they need to make during the day. This behavior, although with a specific end-goal in mind, is a habit that was consciously developed.

Our habits define us. They control a large portion of our day.

Some days, no matter how focused you are, it's hard not to get distracted. Life can sometimes get in the way of meeting your goals, but it doesn't have to derail you. Here are five tips to stay on track, no matter what else is happening around you.

1. Get Organized

It's easier to focus if you're not distracted by the small, daily tasks. Commit to a nightly practice of preparing for the next day and deciding what to wear, what to have for lunch, and the other necessary things that are part of your routine. Have your gym bag ready and packed so you can pick it up and go.

It can help to get organized for your week on a Sunday evening. For example, have all your work clothes clean and pressed and ready to wear. You might even consider a minimalist work wardrobe of similar garments to mix and match. You can also bulk cook and freeze meals so that you don't even think about suppers during the week.

2. Do the Tough Things First

You can free up a lot of mental energy by putting the difficult tasks and decisions at the top of your to-do list. Do the hardest tasks when your brain is still fresh first thing in the morning, then you can approach your day without the nagging dread at the back of your mind.

3. Keep Your Energy High

You might be surprised to hear that fatigue can be a distraction. If your energy is low, you won't be performing at your best, so make sure you take regular breaks. Get out of your workspace and get some fresh air. Eat your lunch in the park and give your eyes a break from looking at a screen. Eat lots of fresh foods and stay hydrated by keeping water on your desk.

4. Manage Your Priorities

Chances are, many of the requests you get during the day don't deserve to be your top priority and can distract you from your core goals. Instead of responding straight away, decide on how urgent the request is in the bigger scheme of things. Do you need to answer that email now? Learn to prioritize requests and respond accordingly.

5. Keep Your Eye on the Prize

With all the distractions in modern life that it can be easy to lose sight of what you want to achieve. Whether it's a dream board, a mission statement, or a post-it note on your computer, have a visual reminder of where you are heading. Check-in every day to see how you're tracking and make sure you keep a line of sight on your big goal.

As kids, we’re told to break bad habits. What we should and should not do become so ingrained in our minds that we get sick of it! We end up rebelling throughout our teen years, discarding many of those childhood lessons.

Then, maybe somewhere on the backside of 25, we come full circle and realize we need to break those habits which once seemed to give life such flare. Now all they offer us are hangovers and regret. The good news is, we’re adults now. We don’t have to do or not do something because some adult told us so. We’re in control!

The following are three everyday habits that should be addressed. Though you may still be in the chaos of your teens and early twenties the sooner you address them, the better. You don’t have to wait until 30 to cut out toxicity and start achieving your goals.

Keeping Bad Company

When you’re younger, accepting and interacting with a large swath of people is the right call. It helps us gain experience, molding relationships, and finding quality friendships. The problem, however, is that many people get stuck in this first stage. They keep seeking many friends instead of quality friendships, and maybe feel like it’s wrong to cut out toxic people in their lives.

It is not your responsibility to fix other people. Many people you need to distance yourself from will do everything in their power to keep you the same. That way, they have no reason to change. They’ll belittle new, healthy pursuits, monopolize your time, and tempt you into bad habits and poor decisions.

Keep supportive people who are going places in life. People who value you and enable you to get where you want to be, those are the ones you deserve.

Putting Things Off

School teaches us habits, good and bad. Many of us learned that an assignment with a far-off due date means we won’t have to do anything until the last night or two. Several months of college partying for two nights of stress. That’s not a bad deal!

A study at Case Western Reserve University rated college students on a scale of procrastination, then tracked their stress levels, academic performance, and overall general health throughout the semester. (https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/why-wait-the-science-behind-procrastination) The procrastinators did well at first, feeling less stressed. In the long run, though, they felt more and more stressed and performed worse than their non-procrastinator peers.

If you’re putting something off, start by asking yourself why. Sometimes finding that more in-depth answer will be the key.

Eating Poorly

It’s hard to show people the benefits of eating right without having them do it for a while. People focus on future benefits, like losing weight or fewer trips to the doctor. Without any here and now reward, though, it’s hard to make it through that stick of celery.

The truth is that eating healthy gives you more energy, makes you happier, and yes, helps you lose weight. Eating poorly does the opposite in exchange for a short-term benefit.

The key is finding a way to enjoy healthy food. For some people, dipping that celery into peanut butter is enough. Many delicious dips spice up a vegetable tray. There are also healthier meat choices like turkey or chicken rather than red meat—baking or grilling rather than frying.

Be Relentless

Habits need to exist to support us, not hinder us. If a habit is making us late to bed, late to work, depressed, or upset in any way, it has to go. Plain and simple. You can’t just post on social media that you’re quitting and hope that works. You need to find a new, better habit to replace it. Don’t settle for anything less!

Our daily lives, for the most part, are controlled by the habits that we have developed over our lifetime. Many times we don’t realize that the behaviors that we exhibit are habits, because they have become automatic and intentional. A lot of patterns that we have are unconscious actions that automate the more mundane tasks that we have throughout the day. Many of them start at the time that we wake up and continue until we finally fall asleep.

Research suggests that up to 40% of our daily routine is habitual. From brushing our teeth to the way, we make our coffee, from the routes that we take to and from work, to the way that we organize our desks. All of this has become an intentional, automatic function of our daily lives.

Habits are formed through learning. Often time, an action follows a cue. The alarm clock sounds, we hit snooze. We come home, put our things down, walk to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. We become rigid in this type of routine. When this rigidity is met with uncertainty, it creates a little chaos, so we make sure that this rigidity is always defined.

If going to the same store every morning means we get that particular bagel, then we do not need to worry about what we are going to eat for breakfast. If we go to that store enough to realize that the bagel is always there at 8:15 in the morning, then we train ourselves to be at that store at 8:15 in the morning.

This daily routine of going to the store over time becomes a habit. We know that we will get what we want when we want it, it becomes a process that has become automatic. A lot of times, habits form to reduce the number of decisions we need to make. According to Vincent Carlos, in an article titled, Why So Many Successful People Wear the Same Outfit Every Day,

“every decision you make uses up your mental energy. Just the simple act of thinking about whether you should choose A or B will tire you out and reduce your brainpower. This means that the more decisions you have to make throughout the day, the weaker your decision-making process will become.”

In this article, Carlos goes on to say that successful people like Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerburg, and others have automated specific tasks throughout their days, to reduce the number of decisions that they need to make during the day. This behavior, although with a specific end-goal in mind, is a habit that was consciously developed.

Our habits define us. They control a large portion of our day.

If you have confidence, winning new friends becomes easy. It will attract people almost automatically. People love others who exude confidence. Think about the people at work. Do you tend to migrate towards confident people naturally?

It’s essential not to take your confidence too far where you are looked upon as being arrogant. This has the potential to turn people off more than win any friendships. Overconfident people are seen as unwavering, and others tend to avoid these types. It’s not necessary either. The key is to be yourself without stepping on others.

Believing in yourself is the first step towards gaining confidence. Everyone has some amount of self-doubt, but you need to get over it. Start by observing others who you feel are confident. What qualities do they possess? Do they talk about themselves, or do you find them positively talking about others? Do others get excited when those confident people enter the room?

Sometimes, confidence comes from learning new skills. If you know what others don’t, people will come to you when they discover you have those skills or knowledge.  But don’t stop at just a cursory level of experience. Become an expert, and you will have the confidence necessary when people do approach you. It’s okay not to know everything at the beginning, don’t pretend as you do. But, as long as you continue on the path of learning more, it will serve you well.

Confidence also comes from knowing the strength of others and using it to help them as well as you. If you are part of a team, get to know what others are good at on your team. Then, when you come across those attributes in your job, you can rely on their expertise. They will appreciate you for recognizing their abilities.

Help others who are not good at something but show a willingness to learn. These people will become allies, and they too will appreciate your efforts to help. They will become part of your network and will talk you up to others.

Friendship will happen when you gain confidence in your life and work. It will seem effortless, and you will end up with more friends than you know what to do with. That is certainly a better problem to have than having no friends at all. Don’t be surprised if you get approached by unknown people saying that your friends have recommended you.

Why is it so hard to talk to people?

Oddly enough, we’re communicating all the time. But living in the era of direct messages, tweets, emails, and texts, it’s becoming harder and harder to talk to each other. The sad thing is, the conversation is an art that’s needed more than ever.

To truly get ahead in business or your personal life, at some point, you need to know how to talk to other people using something more than text on a screen. If making conversation is intimidating to you, then use these tips to master the art of being able to talk to anyone, anywhere.

Ask More Interesting Questions

Rather than asking questions that can be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ try asking questions requiring more complicated answers. For example, if you’re in a networking situation, learn something about the people you’re going to meet. Being able to ask specifically about a new project they’re developing leads to better and more interesting answers than a question along the lines of “What’s new in your company,” which is too broad to answer well.

Forget the Weather

The tendency of falling back on the weather as a topic of conversation is both tedious and a death knell to the interaction. Turn weather talks back around by asking a related question but also redirect the discussion at the same time, such as, “You’re right, it’s been pretty hot out. It makes me think of heading somewhere cooler. Tell me, where did you go on the best vacation you’ve ever had?”

Learn the Power of Adding On

This is a pretty simple technique where you take what someone else has said and add something to it, adding a question at the end. This helps keep things rolling even if someone else has stopped the conversation cold with a yes/no question or something about the weather. For example, if you’re asked if you saw the game last night, you might say, “Yes, that play at the end was something.  It reminded me of a time when I went to see them play in person. Tell me, what’s the best game you ever saw?”

Pay Attention to the Details

Become the person who notices when the situation is going south. Be ready to jump in with a question or a new topic when you see people are getting uncomfortable with the situation. For a quick fix, pay a compliment. It puts the focus on someone else entirely and provides a handy distraction. 

Becoming a great conversationalist will become more natural with practice. Remember, the important thing is to relax and be your friendly, personable self. By paying attention to the discussion and taking some care in choosing your words, you’ll find yourself having a great conversation in no time.

Confrontation is never easy, especially in a workplace situation. If you’re working in any management level job, sooner or later, you’re going to need to have that awkward conversation with a staff member who isn’t performing up to snuff. How you approach the discussion is the difference between inspiring an employee to work harder, and in losing the employee entirely.

How do you get the most of this kind of conversation?

Don’t Put Things Off

Delaying the conversation is only going to make the situation worse. Get it over with ASAP.

Forget the Ice Breakers

Making small talk only delays the inevitable. It also might lead to lawsuits later if you’re not careful. Cut right to the chase, explaining the purpose of the meeting and why you feel it’s necessary.

Write it Down

Talking points should be written down beforehand, with a copy to the employee e so they can see clearly what the situation is. The talking points keeps you on track regarding what you need to say, and also clarifies the matter to the employee as well. 

Give Specifics

Back up your claims with as much proof as possible. For example: instead of talking about the employee being consistently late, list dates, the employee was late with details about what time they made it into work.

Don’t Ask Why

When you start asking why things happened, you’re only giving fodder for complaints to HR. Put your focus on results by asking how you can create an atmosphere of success for this employee.

Don’t Take the Blame

Unless you’re actually to blame for something, never take credit for things going wrong. Again, this can only lead to trouble.

Beware of Bias

Poorly-worded statements can become problematic. Calling a woman ‘moody’ can be seen as gender bias, for example. Again, stick to the facts, defining the situation as precisely as possible.

Use “Almost” over “Always”

When you make all or nothing statements, you immediately get pushback. Rather than say, “Employee is always late,” say “Often.”

Listen

Let the employee speak. Take note of everything they have to say regarding the situation.

Give Clear Expectations

What does your employee need going forward to succeed? Sit down and make a plan for what happens next, with clear expectations for both of you.

While having these kinds of discussions is never anyone’s favorite task, they do occasionally become necessary. Hopefully, these tips make your job more manageable as a supervisor. Hang in there, knowing that in having these conversations, you’re doing the right thing. May you continue to inspire positive change in the workplace.

Creativity is something we all use in some form, but many believe they aren’t creative. But the creative mind can be developed. Developing a creative mindset takes practice. The more you do the things, regularly, that flex your creative muscle, the more you will develop a natural ability to be creative.

Developing your creative muscles helps reduce stress and improve your problem-solving ability. Begin with these 10 steps to build and enhance your creativity.

1. Be mindful and observe what others are doing around you. The way we see our surroundings and our environment helps build our creativity. Notice and appreciate everything and everyone around you. This opens your mind to new possibilities while helping you build on the collection of experiences to draw from for inspiration.
2. Be willing to take risks to develop your creative skills. While you will fail, you will be boosting your creativity and building skills you can use later.
3. Every time you make progress with using your creativity, you are building your confidence. Reward yourself for your creativity.
4. When you approach a problem, remember there are multiple solutions. Look for a variety of solutions instead of going with your first one. This helps build problem-solving skills and creative thinking skills.
5. Start to keep a creativity journal. Use it to keep track of your creative process and any ideas you come up with. Go back and reflect on what you have accomplished. Use it to try to find other solutions to any problems you may have solved already.
6. Use a mind map or flow chart to connect ideas and look for creative answers to any questions you are facing. For the mind map, write down the central topic or word, then link the related ideas around the center word. This gives you a visual for seeing ideas and how they are connected. The flow chart can be used to track what needs to happen when in a project or event. Mind maps can also be used to visualize the final product and what needs to happen to get to that finished product.
7. Develop your creativity by changing your environment. The change can be as simple as clearing your desk, painting your walls, or moving your furniture. Or you can try taking your laptop to work in a different setting such as a restaurant or park.
8. Fight your fear of failing. If you fear you will make a huge mistake or fail when you try doing something new, it can keep you paralyzed from being creative. Mistakes are always going to happen. The trick is not to give up and to learn from them.
9. Get out of your comfort zone and try new things. Do this regularly to develop your creativity. Changing things and doing things outside your comfort zone boosts creativity. Start with something small if you aren’t ready to climb a mountain
10. Take time to daydream and let your mind wander. Daydreaming leads to creative problem-solving while boosting your creative thinking. As it wanders, your mind accesses memories and emotions as well as those random bits of knowledge you’ve forgotten. Focus on the area you want inspiration.

Practice is key to developing your creativity. If you don’t do your activities, regularly, whether they are mental or physical, your creativity fades. There are many ways to develop your creativity. Just find the ones that work for you.

“Infinite Wisdom knows a simple way out of every difficulty, an answer to every problem, a solution to any dilemma that can come to anyone. It is only our ingrained habit of limiting God that keeps Him from giving us perfect harmony. Don’t limit the power of God for good in your life.” Emmet Fox (Sparks of Truth)

I have a vision of living 120 years.  I hear of people living for more than 100 years. Kirk Douglas has died at the age of 103 and his wife is 101. I know that to do this exercise is a very important solution/tool to accomplishing my goal. I am struggling to develop that habit of exercise. I have set an attainable exercise goal.

Once I have disciplined myself and ingrained the habit of exercise the danger of settling for this level of exercise is very real. This may be enough to get me to 75. God will know this so he urges me to do more. I feel accomplished with the habit I have. I am feeling like a new man. But, I am looking in the wrong direction. I am looking backward not forward towards my goal of living to the age of 120. I settle for mediocracy blocking God's power all the while praising God for giving me the strength to accomplish my mediocracy. 

What Is Chronic Stress?

Stress is the normal reaction of our bodies to external situations and influences. Circumstances arise that cause our bodies to increase heart rate and cortisol is released. In short term situations, like a house fire, this is beneficial. It allows us to escape from danger. After the threat has passed, cortisol levels return to normal and everything is fine. However, other situations, like everyday life, can and do, increase our stress. And when they are under a constant barrage of stressors, then this leads to chronic stress.

If life were so simple that our stress was easily digestible, then all would be well. But that is rarely the case. I know what you’re thinking, “I don’t have any stress; My life is good.” Does this sound familiar? 

Morning comes, and the kids need breakfast. Running late for school and work you get everyone thrown into the car to start heading towards your destination. You make the turn out of the neighborhood to find out they are repainting lines on the street, which is causing a backup of traffic. After your five-minute ride to the school turns into 30 minutes, you hurriedly get the kids dropped off, dodge the maze of other parents, and make your way to the highway. You turn onto the highway, praying that traffic goes your way because it takes exactly 22 minutes to get from there to work and you have 27 minutes to get there before you are late. You make the turn onto the ramp and sit. Your highway has become a parking lot.

If you could stop there and do some stress relief techniques, you would be fine, but life doesn’t do that. The demands of home-life, commutes, work and an always-on-always-available stream of negative news, Facebook news feeds, IG posts, and 24-hour lifestyle, keep our levels elevated. This prolonged exposure to all of this outside stimuli compound, until one day, we throw our hands in the air in frustration, scream “I give up!” and collapse from exhaustion. That is Chronic Stress and if left unchecked, it can kill you.

HOW?

According to an article from the Mayo Clinic, Chronic Stress affects many aspects of your life. Just a few of the tale-tale signs that you are suffering from chronic stress are:

• Headaches
• Pain
• Changes in Sexual Activity
• Insomnia / Sleep Problems
• Digestive Problems
• Loss of Memory
• Loss of Concentration
• Weight Gain
• Irritability

Any combination of these things add up and can lead to the most dangerous of them all Heart Disease. 

WHAT CAN I DO? 

Specific stress reduction techniques vary according to each person (maybe running isn’t your thing, but swimming is), but they all share a common theme.

• Find your center through a form of meditation,
• Clear your mind through creative ventures (writing, painting, music, etc.),
• Change your physical habits through exercise and diet,
• And lastly, affect change in your life.

With a stressful life, you can not lead happy life. There is no sense staying stuck in the same rut over and over again, just because that is the way I have always been. Time and again, people say, I don’t have time for meditation. I used to write when I was in college, but then life happened. Once I get home, I don’t have time to cook meals, I order in, I can’t possibly take the time out to go to the Gym with my hectic schedule. None of these statements are correct, we only believe them to be true.

Instead of sitting on the couch, binge-watching episodes of your favorite show. Unplug and do something. Once the habit of reorienting your life starts stress will be something that you knew you once had but will no longer be a present factor in your daily life. Sure, things pop up, but if you remember that there are outlets for the stress and that you have a plan, then you can be sure that you can handle anything life throws at you.

Did you know that 85 percent of people have low-esteem? This issue affects their personal and professional lives, including their careers, their health, and their salaries. In other words, self-doubt and low self-esteem can keep you from reaching your peak potential.

These personality traits appear to be more common among women. They develop in childhood and either exacerbate or diminish with time. If self-doubt plagues you, check out these tips to boost your confidence and trust yourself more:

Accept Yourself

Self-doubt is part of being human. Embrace self-doubt and turn it into a strength. When used correctly, this personality trait can help you make better decisions instead of rushing into things. Think of it as a tool that guides your actions and keeps you from making costly mistakes.

Just make sure you don't overuse it, though, because self-doubt can also make you question your sanity and decision-making abilities.

Know You're Not Alone

Even the most successful people have doubts. They often question their actions and wonder what the right thing to do is.

Focus on building your confidence and self-esteem. You might never get rid of doubts, but you can stop them from taking over your life.

Get the Facts

Your doubts don't necessarily reflect the truth. Most times, they mirror your fears and emotional struggles. Think about your achievements and how hard you worked to get where you are today. Be proud of yourself and admire your capabilities.

Whenever you're in doubt, get the facts straight. Research the problem in question, weigh the pros and cons, and ask for a second opinion.

Acknowledge Your Strengths

Make a list of things you excel in. Write down your skills and accomplishments. Accept praise from others gracefully and acknowledge your talent.

Celebrate your strengths every single day. Make positive affirmations and remind yourself how much you've done so far. Stop thinking of what you could have done better.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Negative people can drag you down and ruin your self-esteem. Nothing will ever be good enough for them. The most important you can do is surround yourself with positive people who support you and listen to you instead of judging.

Define Your Values

Lastly, define your values and the values you live by daily. Once you establish those, you will have a more realistic perspective of the current situation. Focus on the things that drive your actions and are at the core of your beliefs.

Overcoming self-doubt is a lifelong process. Stop questioning your own decisions. Don’t waste time overanalyzing - trust your actions and put your plans in motion.

We’ve all experienced mental fog. You feel your brain is in the clouds instead of an actual brain. Its symptoms include:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Diminished memory
• Find it hard to focus
• Poor communication skills
• Low motivation
• Easily distracted

Brain fog is a result of any imbalance in the control center of the brain, otherwise known as the hypothalamus. This imbalance can be a result of inflammation, free radicals or any stress brought on by several factors, such as:

• Multi-tasking
• Exhaustion
• Anxiety
• PTSD
• Imbalanced hormones
• Infections
• Not getting enough sun exposure
• Substance abuse

Even though the mental fog is natural as a result of our busy, nonstop lifestyles, it shouldn’t happen frequently. If you feel that you’re experiencing fogginess more often than you’d like, then here are some simple changes you can do to stop it from happening and prevent any future occurrences.

·         Eat right

It’s incredible how much power our food has over us. Processed foods high in saturated fats and gluten all have a negative effect on your brain. So much so that a study has proven how gluten sensitivity has been linked to low concentration and focus abilities. Also, not getting enough water into your system can lead to brain freeze.

• Take your vitamins

If your diet is lacking in antioxidants, vitamins, such as D and B complex, or minerals, such as calcium, zinc, and magnesium, then you should start looking for supplements that work along with your diet and provide you with all the necessary nourishment you’re lacking.

·         Get better sleep

We all sleep, but it’s the quality of our sleep that can either make us or break us. High quality sleep improves brain function on the whole. While it’s ideal for getting the full 8 hours each night, some people require only 6 for optimal effectiveness. Find what works best for you, then regulate your sleep by creating a relaxing bedtime routine and a comfortable sleeping area.

·         Work out

When you exercise, you send fresh, oxygenated blood to your entire body, mainly your brain. This boosts its cognitive functions and diminishes brain fog. Studies have proven how exercise can improve learning and study skills, optimize concentration and memory skills.

·         Find a hobby

While we tell ourselves there aren’t enough hours in the day to do what needs to be done, let alone find time to enjoy a hobby, there are ways to incorporate fun, relaxing activities into your weekly schedule. The first step is to schedule some “me” time and stop thinking it’s selfish, like most of us do. The second step is to find something you enjoy doing to chill out. It could be meditating by yourself in a quiet room with scented candles, or a class or club and getting to meet new people. The final step is to decompress and enjoy.

Brain fog is entirely reversible. You need to do the work and find out what works for you. Each one of us is unique, so it may be a bit challenging at first to find that perfect fit. You’ll be glad you made an effort once you regain clarity and be able to perform at your best.

“If, when you are faced with trouble, whether it be old or new, you can affirm positively the harmony of being and then refuse to open the case, no matter how much fear may urge you to do so, you have to cast your burdens upon the Lord, and you will win.” Emmet Fox

Many thoughts pass through my mind. They only become mine when I stop them and start a conversation with them. "Resist not Evil", trying to remove old thought patterns when trouble comes gives the trouble power. I go immediately to prayer/thoughts of God. With this treatment, most trouble disappears by itself. If it persists refuse to open the case and persist with the treatment till you are victorious.

“In the long run, no one can retain what does not belong to him by right of consciousness, nor be deprived of that which is truly his by the same supreme title.

Therefore, you will do well not to lay up treasures upon the earth, but rather to lay up treasure in heaven; that is, the understanding of Spiritual Law. If you are looking to outer, passing, mutable things for either happiness or security, you are not putting God first. If you are putting God first in your life, you will not find yourself laboring under undue anxiety about anything, for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. 

Treasure in Heaven" from "The Sermon on the Mount" Emmet Fox

It is always dangerous to cherry-pick a phrase out of the context it is in. Here is one case especially if you have never studied Emmet Fox's writings. Reading the preceding 4 paragraphs in "Treasure in Heaven" is essential to get an understanding of what he is saying here. Most adults taught that you should do good works without getting compensation. That God would pay you when you die and go to heaven. With this logic, if you love what you do to earn a living you will never get to heaven.

Here are the three preceding paragraphs to give you some insight to his meaning.

The safest banks can and do fail; unforeseen catastrophes happen on the stock market; mines and oil wells five out or may be destroyed by some natural cataclysm; a new invention may easily ruin an old one, the opening or closing of a railroad station, or the starting of some new enterprise somewhere else, may ruin the value of your real estate, to say nothing of the unpredictable effect of unexpected political upheavals upon every kind of property. In short, it is a waste of time to give too much attention to collecting material possessions which are so vulnerable to changes and chances, to "moth and rust," and thieves.

If a reasonable part of the time and attention that most people spend in the pursuit of material goods were devoted by them to scientific prayer and meditation, the change in consciousness which would follow would put them beyond any possibility of suffering from any of these hazards.

If you had sufficient spiritual understanding of supply, your investments probably would not go wrong: but if they did, your posses would e immediately replaced in some other way, and before you had time to suffer from them. If let us say, the bank in which your fortune was deposited should stop payment on Monday, then, probably before the end of the week, an equivalent sum of money, or at least as much as you could possibly need, would come to you from somewhere else - if you had sufficient spiritual understanding. If any case, the owner of a prosperity consciousness cannot be impoverished; nor, for the matter of that, can the owner of a poverty consciousness be permanently enriched.

“Another of the great mental laws is the law of relaxation. In all mental working, effort defeats itself. This is just the opposite of what we find on the physical plane, but it will not surprise us because we know that in many cases the laws of mind are the reverse of the laws of matter.

On the physical plane, the harder you press a drill the faster will it go through a plank. The harder you hammer a nail the sooner does it go into the wall. But any attempt at mental pressure is foredoomed to failure because the moment tension begins, the mind stops working creatively. When you try to force things mentally, when you try to hurry mentally, you simply stop your creative power.

In all mental working be relaxed, gentle & unhurried for effort defeats itself.

...in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength... Isaiah 30:`15

January 24  Around the Year With Emmet Fox 

My application of this.

"Let us sleep on that." This saying uses the law of relaxation. You get to the point of exhausting your mental faculties and use "Let us sleep on that." chances are good when you wake you will have a resolution.

"Move a muscle change a thought." is another one. Moving a muscle distracts your mental pressure.

Both of these sayings allow your creative mind to find solutions. Once I learned these actions, I started to use them earlier and earlier in my thought process. This made me more productive. Forcing thought only causes friction, not solutions.