Communication (8)

Overthinking is a result of one of the most complex emotions we have to deal with as humans, and that emotion is FEAR. Fear cripples, steals your peace, and leaves you down and out, and it all happened in your imagination. As some have elucidated to mean False Evidence Appearing Real, cripples us by making us worry about something that has not even happened yet. Our minds go into overdrive, worrying and fearing something that has not even taken place. This drives us into overthinking every minute detail, pondering as to what can go wrong and the many ways it can go wrong. Here are some nuggets on how to avoid overthinking and reclaim peace over your life.9307613873?profile=RESIZE_400x

  1. Live one day at a time.

We tend to think and plan about the future so much that we forget that the present is happening. By relegating ourselves now and worrying about the future, we mess it all up before it even happens. Understand that tomorrow is a gift that none of us are promised, so make the most of the time you have today. Going into overdrive thinking about the future does not secure it because the things that will happen tomorrow cannot be controlled. To avoid overthinking, take each day as it comes, see the gifts in what you already have, and trust that things will work out eventually in the end.

  1. Act on your worries.

Overthinking also happens in relationships. We worry about what the other person is thinking, and we stress ourselves trying to figure out a way to make things right or know where their mind is. The best way to learn anything is to ask. Communication will inform you if there is anything to worry about at all. Find out from the person how they feel and take things from there. Overthinking is crippling. Most of us take in the suffering without taking action on the things that are putting our minds into overdrive. Make that call to get clarification, send that email, that text, do whatever you can to try and set your mind at ease instead of just stewing over things.


  1. Focus on what you can control

If there is anything that constantly reminds us that we are not in control in a situation where our peace and stillness are dependent on someone else. When you overthink, sometimes nothing can be done about the situation, and this eats away at us further. As difficult as it is, you have to focus on what you can control. You can control your actions and what happens around you. Focus on those things that bring you peace and stillness. In some situations, no matter how much we mull over them, there is no solution in overthinking. Instead, focus on those things that you can control.

  1. Face your fears

As mentioned earlier, overthinking is fueled by your fears. For as long as you do not deal with your fears, they will drive you up the wall into overthinking. For example, most people fear abandonment; thus, they refuse to face the other person fearing that they will be abandoned. Overthinking will kick in, robbing them of their joy and peace, and no matter how much they overthink, the solution can only be found once they confront their fear. Ignoring your fears or brushing them off will not bring peace. The issue can lie dormant for a while, but you are right back where you started when something triggers you. So the best way to avoid overthinking is to deal with your fears before they deal with you.

  1. Find ways to unwind

Overthinking has devastating effects on our mental health. It can make you question your decisions, and you can forget who you are at the core. It is crucial to find ways to remind yourself of who you are so that overthinking does not become your identity. People have different ways to unwind, going to the gym, speak affirmations, run, yoga. No way is better than the other. Just pick one that will remind you of who you are so that you can think clearly and make sound decisions that you are proud of. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Overthinking can lead to more severe conditions such as anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. Thus, nipping overthinking in the bud, choosing the way of peace can improve your overall lifestyle.


The solutions suggested here are not easy to do, but anything worthwhile in life takes some effort. However, when you put effort into your mental wellness, you are guaranteed to lead a peaceful life. Of course, this does not mean that you will not face challenges, but that they will not defeat you because you know how to avoid the trap of overthinking.

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It can be so hard to express to someone how they may have hurt you, especially if they are a person you care about or have cared about. Confrontation is something that most people find uncomfortable. Still, a person's feelings are important, and when trying to maintain a relationship, they should be important to the other party.8783276668?profile=RESIZE_400x

According to The Stone Foundation Counselling Group, the time to confront someone is when an issue will not leave you alone. Essentially, if you cannot stop thinking about the wrong done to you by someone, it is time to confront them. Of course, the best way to make sure such a confrontation brings the matter to rest is to ensure the discussion is done in a healthy, productive way. ( 

Make Sure You're Safe

According to Professor Preston Ni, the first step in any confrontation is to make sure you feel safe. Of course, not every confrontation has a risk of becoming dangerous, but any concern regarding personal safety taking steps is needed.

If the other person has exhibited violent behavior in the past, do not confront them alone. If you need support, make sure you have some and make sure you feel secure in the place you are interacting with the person who has wronged you. ( 

Try To Start The Conversion In A Positive Way

Whatever the relationship, be it professional, family, or romantic, try and begin the confrontation with a positive statement regarding how you hope to improve things. This is true even if this is a confrontation with a former partner. The aim is to let the other person know that you are not there to attack them but rather explain how you feel.

Explain How You Feel

The best way to move forward in a healthy confrontation is to explain your feelings to the other person without pointing fingers and placing blame. Tell them that you feel a certain way when they do a particular thing. The key is for them to understand that the action they have taken or tend to take makes you sad, angry, frustrated, anxious, basically whatever emotion it is you feel. 

Be Prepared To Compromise

Enter into the confrontation with a willingness to be flexible. Perhaps they didn't realize that they made you feel a certain way. Give them some benefit of the doubt and use statements such as "I might not have understood" or ``Here's how it came across to me" The important thing is not to make this an attack but a chance to understand each other.

Work Together

Try and create an understanding that you want to work together to get beyond this situation. They have wronged you and made you feel bad, but you show a willingness to understand them if they will understand how you feel. Just because there has been conflict in the past does not mean that it must continue moving forward.

Offer Up Solutions

If there is a relationship of some type moving forward, it is vital to be clear and open about what you would like to happen in the future. This should not be a list of demands but rather a clear conversation relating to what you can do together to make the relationship healthier. Offer up ideas and be prepared to listen to any that is given in return. The key is to find a compromise and find a way to work on this situation together.


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Being able to express yourself adequately isn't something that comes naturally to most of us. But you need to be able to express yourself and express your wants, needs, and desires, as well as express things you don't like. Expressing yourself is essential to live an authentic, fulfilling, and healthy life, and to manifest your heart's desire!5484098661?profile=RESIZE_400x

There are three main steps involved in learning to express yourself. These steps may not feel natural at first because they are new, but stick with it! You'll soon find yourself better able to express yourself to those around you with confidence.

  1. Learn to listen to yourself, your emotions, and your intuition. Too often, early in life, we are taught (directly or indirectly) to hide our feelings and put on a smiling face even when we don't feel like it. It's time to unlearn all of that. So, the first step is to begin to feel the emotions that are inside you. Your first instinct may be to run away from those feelings mentally but try not to do that. Feel each emotion, no matter what it is, without any self-judgment. Your emotions are what they are, and there aren't any wrong emotions, only wrong ways that we've learned to react to them. So, quiet yourself and allow yourself to feel because you can't express yourself if you don't know what you're feeling.
  2. Acknowledge whatever you are feeling. Honor those feelings, again, with no judgment. By self-validating your feelings, you learn to seek answers from within yourself, rather than always looking outside yourself for solutions. In reality, all we need we already have inside of us. Acknowledging your feelings might seem very frightening at first because you feel vulnerable. That's okay. That feeling of vulnerability will go away once your mind realizes there isn't any need for fear.
  3. Be alert to how your body reacts to the emotions you are now experiencing. Body awareness is fundamental in learning to express yourself, as it is one of the best ways to gauge your comfort level. If you tense up in response to an emotion, show your body and brain that everything is going to be okay by doing some deep breathing. Close your eyes, acknowledge the feeling, and then let it go. If a part of your body tenses up, consciously relax it. Use your new awareness to find what works for you in terms of expressing yourself, both emotionally and physically.
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You have the power to grow your relationships, save them, or break them beyond repair by the words that come out of your mouth. You are where you are today because of what you have said in the past. You are what you are today because of the kind of words you allow to exit your mouth. That statement may seem too harsh or far fetched, but the truth is that words have the power to shape your present as well as your future.

Your words can shape your financial life, physical wellbeing as well as academic life. Your words can turn your spouse, child, or friend into an exceptional individual. Your words also have the power to send your loved ones through depression and a mountain of regrets. James 3:6  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire,”- places a lot of emphasis on how much damage the tongue can accomplish despite being little.4940743891?profile=RESIZE_400x

You can change any situation with your words

If your loved ones are battling with their “inability” to accomplish anything worthwhile, you can help turn that around by saying the right words. Your words of encouragement and assurance have the power to transform your child’s bad grades into straight As. Your words have the power of turning your spouse into a productive and considerate partner. It all begins with you believing they can change. Once you are convinced of that possibility, you can start expressing your conviction in words.

If you are finding it hard to convince yourself that your 10-year stressful marriage or your underachieving child can amount to anything, say the right words anyway. As you continue expressing the right words not only to yourself but your loved ones, you will start noticing positive changes.

Using words to get the best from your employees

If you are an employer or supervisor and you are struggling with unproductive employees, it may be because of how you make them feel around the office. The only way to have incomparable employees who get everything done on time is by creating an environment conducive to such possibilities. You can only accomplish that by being mindful of what you say. You cannot say things like “you are incompetent” or “hiring you was the worst mistake I ever made” and expect positive results.

The impact that such negative words have on your worker’s mental wellbeing is catastrophic. Even if they were doing their level best, the results would never show. Expressing such negativity causes your employee to doubt himself or herself. They become overwhelmed with feelings of incompetence, and once that kicks in, there is no way of achieving anything worth noticing.

You can only be a happy employer by having happy employees, and you can only have happy employees by appreciating their worth. Begin using encouraging words that show how much faith you have in your workers. Talk about how proud you are to have them on your team. Replace all the negative talk with words like “I can always count on you” or “I know you can meet the goal and do so right on time.” Words of encouragement will not only show your employees that you believe in them, but it will also make them proud of the fact that you are their employer.

Practice using words to change the lives of people around you

You may have tried many methods to get your child or spouse to open up or become a better person to no avail. Why not try words?

If you still doubt the power of words and what they can accomplish, try putting the right words to the test. Better yet, try looking at what some of the greatest and most influential people in the world have accomplished with words. Take into consideration the impact that motivational speakers have on people’s lives. Study the way world leaders shape the world and avoid wars by taking advantage of the power of words.

Bringing it closer home, start complimenting the productivity and excellence in your child’s life today and see how far that will get them. Make it a point to say encouraging and assuring words to your child every morning, and every time he or she comes to you with a problem. Focus on “you are creative ” and “you can become anything you want,” for the next six months and see the kind of influence you will have in your child’s life. Celebrate the accomplishments, no matter how small. They will build on achievements and try greater things.

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The benefit of listening to someone closely is you come away with a greater understanding of that person. When you give someone your attention, they tell a lot about themselves. To know a person on a deeper level and understand what motivates them actively listen when they are speaking. This will also tell you about their dreams and goals in life.  

While most of us hear the words that are spoken, not all people have the ability to listen as attentively as others. This is why the skill of active listening is a desirable trait that will help you develop good relationships.

When you start to listen to a person you gain more insights such as:

  • Understanding what they expect of themselves and you
  • Build better relationships with family, friends and your coworkers
  • You will be able to resolve issues more quickly
  • Have a better understanding of what people are trying to tell you
  • You will know how to respond properly
  • You will become a trusted and respected person

The moment you present yourself as someone who is not listening, your trust  you truly hearing what another person is saying. You will need to overcome barriers in order to become good at listening.  The most common ones include things like:

  • Prejudice
  • Language and accent barriers
  • Noise levels
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Worry
  • Poor attention span
  • Hearing issues

Some barriers are going to prevent even the best listener to fully understand the issue. A great example of this is trying to listen to someone who is not speaking their native language. They may use the correct words, but the biggest handicap is their accent. No matter how hard you try to understand the words you can not.  

There are things you can do if you are having a hard time understanding someone? A good active listener will often try to do the following things to improve their comprehension of the situation.

  • Move-in a little closer
  • Keep eye contact
  • Nodding shows you understand what is being said
  • Ask appropriate questions
  • Try to clarify the issue in your own words
  • Have them write out the word you do not understand

This will show the person that you are doing your best to understand them. This will go a long way to put the person speaking at ease. Quite often they are feeling stressed out, nervous and anxious. By helping them to put their feelings behind them, they can often explain the situation better.

Employing a few of these suggestions will greatly improve your listening skills. Just be aware that there are problems that can prevent you from fully understanding people sometimes.

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4 Tips To Talking With Anyone

Why is it so hard to talk to people?

Oddly enough, we’re communicating all the time. But living in the era of direct messages, tweets, emails, and texts, it’s becoming harder and harder to talk to each other. The sad thing is, the conversation is an art that’s needed more than ever.

To truly get ahead in business or your personal life, at some point, you need to know how to talk to other people using something more than text on a screen. If making conversation is intimidating to you, then use these tips to master the art of being able to talk to anyone, anywhere.3932001644?profile=RESIZE_710x

Ask More Interesting Questions

Rather than asking questions that can be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ try asking questions requiring more complicated answers. For example, if you’re in a networking situation, learn something about the people you’re going to meet. Being able to ask specifically about a new project they’re developing leads to better and more interesting answers than a question along the lines of “What’s new in your company,” which is too broad to answer well.

Forget the Weather

The tendency of falling back on the weather as a topic of conversation is both tedious and a death knell to the interaction. Turn weather talks back around by asking a related question but also redirect the discussion at the same time, such as, “You’re right, it’s been pretty hot out. It makes me think of heading somewhere cooler. Tell me, where did you go on the best vacation you’ve ever had?”

Learn the Power of Adding On

This is a pretty simple technique where you take what someone else has said and add something to it, adding a question at the end. This helps keep things rolling even if someone else has stopped the conversation cold with a yes/no question or something about the weather. For example, if you’re asked if you saw the game last night, you might say, “Yes, that play at the end was something.  It reminded me of a time when I went to see them play in person. Tell me, what’s the best game you ever saw?”

Pay Attention to the Details

Become the person who notices when the situation is going south. Be ready to jump in with a question or a new topic when you see people are getting uncomfortable with the situation. For a quick fix, pay a compliment. It puts the focus on someone else entirely and provides a handy distraction. 

Becoming a great conversationalist will become more natural with practice. Remember, the important thing is to relax and be your friendly, personable self. By paying attention to the discussion and taking some care in choosing your words, you’ll find yourself having a great conversation in no time.

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Confrontation is never easy, especially in a workplace situation. If you’re working in any management level job, sooner or later, you’re going to need to have that awkward conversation with a staff member who isn’t performing up to snuff. How you approach the discussion is the difference between inspiring an employee to work harder, and in losing the employee entirely.

How do you get the most of this kind of conversation?

Don’t Put Things Off

Delaying the conversation is only going to make the situation worse. Get it over with ASAP.

Forget the Ice Breakers

Making small talk only delays the inevitable. It also might lead to lawsuits later if you’re not careful. Cut right to the chase, explaining the purpose of the meeting and why you feel it’s necessary.

Write it Down

Talking points should be written down beforehand, with a copy to the employee e so they can see clearly what the situation is. The talking points keeps you on track regarding what you need to say, and also clarifies the matter to the employee as well. 

Give Specifics

Back up your claims with as much proof as possible. For example: instead of talking about the employee being consistently late, list dates, the employee was late with details about what time they made it into work.

Don’t Ask Why

When you start asking why things happened, you’re only giving fodder for complaints to HR. Put your focus on results by asking how you can create an atmosphere of success for this employee.

Don’t Take the Blame

Unless you’re actually to blame for something, never take credit for things going wrong. Again, this can only lead to trouble.

Beware of Bias

Poorly-worded statements can become problematic. Calling a woman ‘moody’ can be seen as gender bias, for example. Again, stick to the facts, defining the situation as precisely as possible.

Use “Almost” over “Always”

When you make all or nothing statements, you immediately get pushback. Rather than say, “Employee is always late,” say “Often.”


Let the employee speak. Take note of everything they have to say regarding the situation.

Give Clear Expectations

What does your employee need going forward to succeed? Sit down and make a plan for what happens next, with clear expectations for both of you.

While having these kinds of discussions is never anyone’s favorite task, they do occasionally become necessary. Hopefully, these tips make your job more manageable as a supervisor. Hang in there, knowing that in having these conversations, you’re doing the right thing. May you continue to inspire positive change in the workplace.

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