Self-Doubt (7)

 

Sorry. 

It was out of your mouth before you could even think about it, but now that you’ve had a second to consider what just unfolded, you realize it wasn’t your fault. You were walking through the mall, and the other person ran right into you because they were too busy looking at their phone. Yet, you apologized, and they kept on walking without uttering a word.7939057480?profile=RESIZE_400x 

Does that mean that you are a people pleaser? Well, it might. 

There’s more to it, of course. It isn’t just about immediately saying sorry to someone, even if it’s not your fault. What people-pleasing is, is a difficulty in establishing your boundaries. It’s something that everyone struggles with at some point, but people-pleasers find it downright exhausting.

Often, the act is motivated for a desire for approval or validation. They are insecure in relationships, in their job, and that makes them more likely to conform to the expectations of others. You might not want to bend to the opinions of others. You find it too hard to say no. It’s common for people-pleasers to accept blame, even when it’s not their fault. Even if it means protecting someone who hurt them, it can adversely affect people who have mental health issues and those who don’t. 

Working hard to please others might help you nourish everyone else. It doesn’t, however, allow you to nourish yourself. 

Your emotional life is just as important as your physical self. When you focus on everyone else without turning the attention to you, you’re suffocating yourself.                       

 The Dangers Of People Pleasing

You probably think that you look helpful, you appear generous, that’s the mark of a people pleaser. However, there’s a big difference between these things. Genuine generosity comes from real happiness, from enjoying the happiness of others. That isn’t what people-pleasing is. People-pleasing is down to the desire to gain the approval of others. It’s from a place of low self-worth. 

People-pleasing makes you subservient to others. It’s a desire to gain approval. That, for many, can be debilitating. It can be difficult to be independent and take a stand for themselves or their beliefs. They are too insecure to do so, and this comes from basing their self-worth on the opinions of others. There are many issues that this can stem from – including abusive relationships, childhood trauma, or other toxic/traumatic events. 

 It’s Okay To Put Yourself First 

Women commonly fall into the trap of people-pleasing. They feel under pressure to behave a certain way because it’s how they’ve been socialized from birth. It’s dangerous. There have been a number of studies on how this type of behavior negatively impacts health. One study found that people will eat more if they feel like it’s pleasing to others, even if they’re full or don’t want to eat (https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.2012.31.2.169). While another study found that there was a link between obesity and people-pleasing due to negative coping skills (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1038/oby.2009.376). 

There are a number of other ways people-pleasing impacts your wellness, from failing to recharge your batteries and rest when you need to or falling into unhealthy relationships. It affects your ability to thrive. 

It’s vital that you know what you are responsible for and what you’re not responsible for. It’s up to you to set your boundaries and assert them. It’s all about protecting yourself. It’s not your responsibility to shoulder the expectations, judgment, or duties of others. It’s bad for you, and it’s bad for others. 

Do you suspect that you’re a people-pleaser? Start practicing telling people no.

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5 Signs You Have A Quitting Habit

We all go through tough situations where things seem not to work regardless of our invested efforts. We then wonder if the goal is worth all the trouble. Where we think it is indeed worth it, we ask ourselves whether we will succeed amid all obstacles. It is human nature to worry when things do not go as planned and, it is good to do evaluations and make adjustments where strategies are not yielding the expected results.7663661281?profile=RESIZE_400x

Sometimes our failures are so significant, discouraging, and embarrassing or, we doubt ourselves so much such that we are tempted to take the easiest way out of our discomfort, giving up. Many of us have been there and have probably given in to the temptation at some point. The question is, are you aware of how much is at stake as you give in to the urge to quit? It does not only mean the death of a dream, but it also affects you psychologically and makes quitting a lot easier in the future. Quitting is an indication that we have lost an inner battle. Sometimes we give up when we are closer to our dream than to where we started. Think of what Milton Hershey would have missed if he had given up after his third fail.

“Milton Hershey started three candy companies before Hershey's. Everyone knows Hershey's chocolate, but when Milton Hershey first started his candy production career, he was a nobody. After being fired from an apprenticeship with a printer, Hershey started three separate candy-related ventures and was forced to watch all of them fail.

In one last attempt, Hershey founded the Lancaster Caramel Company and started seeing tremendous results. Believing in his vision for milk chocolate for the masses, he eventually founded the Hershey Company and became one of the most well-known names in the industry.“ 6 Stories of Super Successes Who Overcame Failure. https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/

Of course, there are cases where it may not be wise to continue chasing a specific dream, changes in the market, for example. But, if you are to let a particular dream go, do not let it leave your bag of dreams empty. Dream even bigger and work even harder and smarter. Below are five signs that you have a quitting habit;

Unwilling to try a task or stick with it, fearing failure or making a mistake

  1. You are easily discouraged when you face setbacks and give up without confronting a problem– this is common among people who doubt themselves or expect to have everything easy. They usually have a skewed view of reality or think that they do not have what it takes to make things happen. If you are one of those people, here are things you actually should be quitting, thinking that everything has to go smoothly and the idea that you are not good enough or something is not meant for you. Face your problems and find ways around them.

 

  1. Fitting yourself into other people's stories – sometimes we listen too much to other people's stories and make them our reality. We spend time with people who do not help us grow. Let's say your friends have walked the same journey and have failed. How about you learn from their mistake and use them to improve your strategies? It does not matter how much you have in common with your friends. You are walking on different journeys. Draw boundaries as to how much you let other people's lives can affect you. You are different, and your experiences will be different according to your gifts and purpose.

 

  1. You always have excuses – quitters often have reasons for not pursuing their dream or not making things work. They use excuses like 'everyone has it hard,' 'I was resisted' or 'I have too much on my plate right now' among many others to cover up for choosing to stay in their comfort zone instead of confronting their issues. Remind yourself; you might succeed in fooling everyone and yourself, but no one will stand up and make your life better for you. Do not entertain fear and feeling inadequate. Do not stop when resisted. It could just mean that it is not time yet, or it is not where you are meant to be, or that you were misunderstood.

 

  1. Craving instant gratification – you want results now, whatever you do must start paying as soon as you start. With that mentality, you cannot have the patience to let something grow. And in some cases, even the greatest ideas are given up only because they will take too long to pay, and you cannot wait. Almost everyone starts small. The famous Apple began with two men in a garage but is now worth millions and employs all over the world.

 

  1. Overthinking – over thinkers often see more than is necessary. They usually have a problem with every idea and can dismiss some ideas without even trying. As much as it is good to consider our strengths and weaknesses as well as opportunities and threats, we shouldn't let them be our obstacles themselves. Thinking at that level should help us identify possible obstacles and be prepared to deal with them.

"I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail, I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult. I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking." Og Mandino

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Do you genuinely believe that you are a success or at least one in the making? If you do, then your words should testify to that fact, and there is no doubt that people who listen to you should affirm the same. If you are in this category, your words always sell you out as they are full of hope, faith, and they portray confidence. If you, however, view yourself as a loser, the pattern of your speech follows suit; there is a lot of doubt, lack of faith, pessimism, and dullness in your words.4933662257?profile=RESIZE_400x

People can discern how highly you think of yourself

By merely listening to you, other people can gauge to what extent you think you are important as an individual. It is because, on a scale of one to ten, some people pass as twos in terms of importance while some are given eights and nines. An important factor leading to this ‘scaling’ is the quality of words a person says about themselves, in addition to the way they handle themselves i.e., their body language.

“I am doomed” “This is impossible” “I don’t think I will make it” -are all examples of phrases that easily escape the mouths of the unsuccessful more often than they do those of successful people. Such utterances suck the hope out of life and set you up for failure. It is challenging to be creative about formulating a solution when you feel hopeless, so, by all means, avoid words that diminish your hope.

A person who believes in their ability to bounce back from a fall (however painful it may be) would say things like: “This is only a minor setback”; “I will resolve this”; or “It is but a test, I will find a way to pass it!” Their words are a clear indication that they don’t believe they are a victim of life’s circumstances, but instead, they are victors. They have chosen to take life by the horns and find winning ways in all situations.

The decision is yours

Decide today what you want to believe about yourself: a winner, a lover, a grateful person filled with confidence, generosity, and goodness. Once you do that, then begin to choose your words to fit that exceptional description. “But isn’t it easier to first become and then be able to say that you are?” one may ask. The truth is words fuel your image of yourself. If you say it enough times, the energy in you will build up towards creating that picture you insist is yours. Whom you become follows what you confess to be.

We have seen people in positions of authority and wondered how in the world they got there as they are not in our opinions suited for such. These are the tenacious individuals who saw and spoke themselves into high places. When no one else saw the same or would cheer them onto those places, they did it themselves. Anyone of us is well able to do the same if we would focus our energies on it!

A story is told of a gardener who took on an experiment to discover the power of words on plants. He took two similar flowerpots, and each day spoke positive words to one but cursed the other every day. Despite their getting the same conditions: water, sunlight, and air equally after a couple of weeks, he noticed that one was flourishing while the other was drying up from its roots. It is not difficult to guess which one thrived.

If therefore, mere plants can be affected by words, the same applies to the human soul. It is alive and, accordingly, actively responds to words spoken to it, and the good news is that regardless of what people say about you (which may sometimes be discouraging), what finally manifests is what you believe to be true. It is up to you to validate which truths to take on and believe about yourself.

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Critical Self-Talk Habits

There will always be conversations within our minds that dictate our words, our actions, and how we perceive the world. Our thoughts, the things we tell ourselves, have the power to raise us to the highest heights, and likewise, plummet us to the deepest depths. It can be argued there is nothing so telling regarding our success as our self-talk and whether or not the things we tell ourselves are positive or negative. 

This alone is why it is so incredibly essential to eradicate negative self-talk from your mind. 

You would think this would be an easy task. One has only to think positively to effect the desired change, right?

Sadly, this isn't quite the case. While an awareness of the words you use can make things better for a time, it's truly our habits that define us. If you are customarily talking to yourself in negative ways, then you've fallen under the spell of patterns that need to change, now, before your life can improve.

Thankfully there's hope. You don't have to live like this. Let's look at these habits and talk about ways in which you can eradicate them, thus freeing you to the life you're meant to live.4377483606?profile=RESIZE_710x

Habit #1: "I'm Fine"

If you're like most people, you don't even want to admit to negative self-talk in front of anyone else. To do so feels vulnerable. Not everyone is ready to accept things aren't all rosy in their world. 

The Fix: Realize it's normal to be negative sometimes. Everyone feels this way on occasion. Denying it only gives it more power over you and locks you into the negative cycle. You can't fix what you don't know is broken.


Habit #2: "It's Not My Fault"

We're quick to assign blame elsewhere when things don't go right. This kind of negative self-talk keeps us from seeing the truth and keeps you stuck right where you are. You're never going to make any kind of forward progress with this kind of attitude.

The Fix: Focus on what you're doing right, and don't be afraid to admit where you went wrong. Accepting the blame allows you to change your behavior in the future and improve your life.


Habit #3: "It's Not Going to Work Anyway"

If you're positive something isn't going to work out, chances are it won't. We have a way of self-sabotaging ourselves, whether we realize it or not.

The Fix: It's okay to ask yourself what can go wrong when planning out a project if you intend to have a standby solution. But at some point, you need to let go of the worry and fear. You're only distracting yourself. Remind yourself that you have every likelihood of succeeding.

Habit #4: "No One Will Like It"

Not everyone is going to agree with what you're doing. But telling yourself "no one will like it" would give anyone stage fright. This need for outside approval is intensely damaging and will hold you back every time.

The Fix: Why are you worrying about everyone else's opinion? The only person you need to satisfy is yourself. Keep your focus on doing your best. Do not let the critics cripple you. The critics criticize and do little else.


Habit #5: "What if I'm Wrong?"

When you second-guess yourself all the time, it's impossible to feel fully satisfied with your choices. This uneasiness will plague you in everything you do.

The Fix: Slow down your decision-making process. It might be you're acting impulsively and discovering to your chagrin that you hadn't thought through the consequences. By becoming more mindful of your choices, you'll feel more confident in your decisions and won't question yourself quite so much.


Habit #6: "I'm Happier Alone"

The idea that we're okay alone is easily justified. After all, some people are introverts by nature. But even introverts need the company of other people, especially if they've been spending a lot of time alone with their thoughts. Without anyone else to provide input, your internal dialogue can become negative rapidly.

The Fix: This is why it's good to get out once in a while, even if we think we're happier alone. Keep track of your time. Who have you talked to lately? It is time to reach out—schedule regular meetings, whether social or business.


Habit #7: “I Don’t Have Time for ________”

It's so easy to get so focused on the big-picture goal that we sometimes forget even the basics of self-care. Not taking time for sleep or exercise can lead to long-lasting effects on your health, leaving you feeling dragged out and even sick. What's worse is when you neglect your mental health, never giving yourself time off to just rest or even play. These decisions might seem productive in the short term, but will affect creativity and mood very quickly, leading you very easily down into a negative spiral of poor self-talk and feelings of depression and anxiety.

The Fix: Make sure you get adequate sleep. Exercise regularly. Schedule time with friends or to do the activities you enjoy most. When you feel push back, remind yourself you are important too, and that it's not only okay to take a break but necessary.

Habit #8: "I Can Just Skip Lunch"

This ties into the one above. Not eating or eating poorly leads to chemical imbalances, which can affect your mood and can even alter your thinking processes. It's hard to maintain any kind of positive self-talk when your blood sugar is low, or you're feeling sick and bloated from something you ate.

The Fix: Don't skip meals. Make sure you eat at times that work for you to maintain peak performance. I do not eat lunch. If my body tells me to eat something during the day, I listen.


Habit #9: "My Friends Said it was a Bad Idea."

Why are you listening to someone else? When you're around negative people, negativity has a way of rubbing off. The more they gripe, the more you'll find yourself caught up in your internal rant. This isn't healthy for anyone.

The Fix: It might be time to take a step back from the negative influences in your life. While it might not always be possible to remove someone from your circle of acquaintances entirely, you can put limits on how much time you spend with them. If the conversation starts getting too negative, set boundaries, let them know you'd rather change the subject. If they still insist? It is time to call it a night.


Habit #10: "It's Not Like I'm Any Good at it, Anyway."

We're good at putting ourselves down. When we lack confidence in an area, it's normal to want to hold back and not try. By convincing yourself you can't before you begin, you make it easy to quit before you theoretically make a fool of yourself.

The Fix: Remind yourself of the things you are good at and how you got to be good at them. Tell yourself there's a chance you might succeed on the first try. Allow yourself to find out. Be okay with failing. If you do, you're still guaranteed to learn something new. Besides, how many people succeed on the first try?

Habit #11: "I Don't Have a Problem."

Denial is one of the most destructive types of self-talk. We can truly convince ourselves of just about anything when we put our minds to it. Why then is this such a favorite go-to? Most of the time, it's because there's just too much work involved in fixing the problem once you admit it's there.

The Fix: A lot of the time, ignoring the problem leads to resentment. Ask yourself just who or what you're resentful about right now. If you're still not sure this is a problem, try looking at things as an outsider would. What would they say to you? Have you already had people saying this very thing to you? Once you start recognizing the situation for what it is, make an action plan. What's something positive you can do to correct things?

Habit #12: "I Don't Need Help."

Sometimes this negative self-talk can take over your life. This leads to depression, anxiety, and the worry that no matter what you do, things will never be any better. 

The Fix: When this happens, it's time to consider reaching out to someone else. Start with your doctor, as frequently negative feelings stem from physical ailments. If this is not the case, you might want to consider seeing a counselor. There's nothing wrong with seeking help when you need it.

Conclusion

Negative self-talk will hold you back in every aspect of your life, from your career aspirations on down to the relationships with those you love the most. This is why building new habits are so important. There is no quick fix here; what works today must be reinforced over and over again, until the habit of positive self-talk becomes a way of life. It will happen.

Never doubt for a minute just how worthy this particular goal is. Your positivity is what's going to enable you to realize your dreams. You're going to feel happier, and your relationships will feel more meaningful. You'll connect more deeply with the world around you and discover just how joyful life can be.

So, what are you waiting for? There's no time like now, and you already have everything you need to succeed. There is no better time to embrace the new, more positive you!

 

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 You might be surprised to learn that the biggest obstacle to your freedom is right between your ears. A negative mindset is the biggest block to freedom.

There are so many parts of your life you cannot control, from the need to earn a living to finding true love. But you can control your mindset, your thoughts, and how you act in the world. So how can you overcome your psychological blocks and open your mind to achieve greater freedom?4269796737?profile=RESIZE_710x

  1. Change the record

Everyone has a constant inner monologue; what psychologists call self-talk. And most of the time, yours is probably set to negative. Any messages you get in childhood about being wrong, hopeless, or selfish or stupid all get absorbed in your malleable child’s brain and resurface in adulthood as your Inner Critic.

The good news is that you can reprogram your Inner Critic and turn it into an Inner Coach.

Make a list of all the negative things your Inner Critic says. Be alert for phrases that start ‘you always or ‘you never.’ Watch out for ‘shoulds, ’ too. Then take each negative message and turn into a positive one.

Change your self-talk broken record to a new track full of encouragement and positivity.

  1. Change your expectations

Studies have shown that the most significant contributors to success or failure are your expectations. Happy people expect things to go well, and mistakes or problems do not crush them. They see them only as temporary setbacks. Conversely, if the expectation is to fail, any issue will confirm the expectations, and you won’t try again.

Expecting things to work out is not wishful thinking; it is choosing to be positive no matter what the circumstances.

  1. Change your focus

Modern society trains us to be dissatisfied with what we have now and continuously strive for bigger, better, and shinier. The only part that needs to change is being dissatisfied with your current standard of living. You need to be happy with your current conditions. You can choose to step outside of this and be grateful for what you have right now.

Developing a habit of gratitude frees you from this pressure and affects the structure of your brain. Studies show that the more you feel grateful, the more resilient you become in the face of life’s ups and downs. You feel happier with what you have and more open to receiving. Even better, you rewire the neural pathways in your brain so that your mindset defaults to positivity. You start to see the good things before you notice the bad. Over time, you perceive life as positive, and your expectations change. You free yourself from the burden of negativity!

“Three Steps To Personal Freedom – MintMotivation. https://mintmotivation.com/self-help/three-steps-to-personal-freedom/

My book will help you identify and change the voice of your inner critic. Follow the link below to purchase my book.

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Did you know that 85 percent of people have low-esteem? This issue affects their personal and professional lives, including their careers, their health, and their salaries. In other words, self-doubt and low self-esteem can keep you from reaching your peak potential.

These personality traits appear to be more common among women. They develop in childhood and either exacerbate or diminish with time. If self-doubt plagues you, check out these tips to boost your confidence and trust yourself more:3832723982?profile=RESIZE_710x

Accept Yourself

Self-doubt is part of being human. Embrace self-doubt and turn it into a strength. When used correctly, this personality trait can help you make better decisions instead of rushing into things. Think of it as a tool that guides your actions and keeps you from making costly mistakes.

Just make sure you don't overuse it, though, because self-doubt can also make you question your sanity and decision-making abilities.

Know You're Not Alone

Even the most successful people have doubts. They often question their actions and wonder what the right thing to do is.

Focus on building your confidence and self-esteem. You might never get rid of doubts, but you can stop them from taking over your life.

Get the Facts

Your doubts don't necessarily reflect the truth. Most times, they mirror your fears and emotional struggles. Think about your achievements and how hard you worked to get where you are today. Be proud of yourself and admire your capabilities.

Whenever you're in doubt, get the facts straight. Research the problem in question, weigh the pros and cons, and ask for a second opinion.

Acknowledge Your Strengths

Make a list of things you excel in. Write down your skills and accomplishments. Accept praise from others gracefully and acknowledge your talent.

Celebrate your strengths every single day. Make positive affirmations and remind yourself how much you've done so far. Stop thinking of what you could have done better.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Negative people can drag you down and ruin your self-esteem. Nothing will ever be good enough for them. The most important you can do is surround yourself with positive people who support you and listen to you instead of judging.

Define Your Values

Lastly, define your values and the values you live by daily. Once you establish those, you will have a more realistic perspective of the current situation. Focus on the things that drive your actions and are at the core of your beliefs.

Overcoming self-doubt is a lifelong process. Stop questioning your own decisions. Don’t waste time overanalyzing - trust your actions and put your plans in motion.

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Anxiety Disorders 101

Anxiety seems to be getting more and more common with each passing year, but what’s the difference between anxiety and an anxiety disorder? How do you handle it? What is the treatment? In this article, we’ll explore the topic of anxiety disorders, demystifying this condition, and directly explaining it so you can keep it from getting the better of you.

What is anxiety

Anxiety is a sense of uneasiness, apprehension, and/or panic that can affect every aspect of your life. Anxiety is usually nonsensical; it creeps up when you least expect it and makes it seem impossible to do anything at all. It can petrify you and cause you to freeze in your process.3385241655?profile=RESIZE_710x

Anxiety vs. Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety is the feeling while an anxiety disorder is a little different. An anxiety disorder causes you to be anxious and panic over seemingly nothing. It can make everything feel terrifying and impossible.

An anxiety disorder can be genetic, but unfortunate circumstances can also develop it. If you grew up in an unusual home, were raised with a particular type of parenting style, or even just had an overwhelming sense of chaos present in your home, you can develop an anxiety disorder.

While common anxiety has an identifiable source and can fade once said source is gone, an anxiety disorder lingers around. It can incite panic over nothing, cause you to be apprehensive about just about everything, and rarely has an identifiable source. It can sometimes take medication to battle anxiety disorders, but it always takes hard work and focus.

What are the common symptoms of anxiety disorders?

While each anxiety disorder is a little different, there are a few tell-tale signs we can nail down to help you determine if you might be struggling with an anxiety disorder.

  • Panic insights over little to nothing
  • Heart racing
  • Stomach pain
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Lack of sleep
  • Change in eating habits
  • A constant sense of anxiousness

If you noticed any of these symptoms and are concerned you might have an anxiety disorder, we recommend consulting with a doctor or psychiatrist sooner rather than later.

What can you do for anxiety disorders?

As we said above, anxiety disorders can sometimes require medication to help to ease it, but not always. Some regular practices can help to reduce your anxiety without medication as well as some natural alternatives to harsh anxiety medications.

Develop healthy routines

Order and routine is the number one enemy to anxiety disorders. The simple act of developing a healthy daily routine can help to establish order in your life and ease your anxiety.

Talk about your concerns

Anxiety disorders feed off your uncertainty and fear. The more you talk about your concerns and fears, the better you’ll feel. Outsider perspective can also help you to see that there isn’t a source for your fear and help to calm you down. 

Limit caffeine and other stimulants

Caffeine can make your anxiety worse, as can putting yourself in situations that make you anxious. Avoiding loud, overly stimulating situations like parties or concerts can help.

Get more sleep

Lacking the necessary amount of sleep can cause anxiety conditions to worsen. If you find yourself unable to sleep, limit caffeine, television or radio, lights, and busy patterns. A calm, quiet environment can help keep your anxiety at bay and allow you to get some much-needed sleep.

Try essential oils

Essential oils can be a beneficial all-natural medication to help ease your anxiety and stress, soothe your muscles, and initiate restful sleep. Lavender helps promote restful sleep. Ylang-ylang relieves tension and also reduces blood pressure. Roman chamomile, Lemon, Rose, and many other essential oils can have a calming effect on your anxiety.

 

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