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What do you do when you’re feeling sad or low? Maybe you reach out to friends or stay in bed watching your favorite series on TV. 

Have you ever considered turning to writing as therapy? 8901239697?profile=RESIZE_400x

Studies have shown that those who write about their most traumatic or stressful experiences experience better health outcomes.  

The stories we tell ourselves give us meaning in our lives. Writing therapy helps you explore the stories you tell yourself, the feelings associated with those events, and what meanings we can draw from events. 

Writing can be a powerful, low-cost, and easily accessible therapy. Getting your thoughts and words onto pages empowers you to work through difficulties. 

Writing therapy can help you sort through your stories and feelings around grief, anxiety, life transitions, or even stress. Writing therapy gives you a safe space to track your progress and self-reflect. 

While writing may not always be a complete replacement for therapy, it’s still a tool you can use to work through your thoughts. It’s also a tool that can complement your regular therapy appointments. 

Writing therapy is a guided way for you to interact with and analyze events in your life. Through writing therapy, you explore your beliefs around those events - and how your thoughts might trigger certain feelings. 

Follow these journal prompts to start exploring your thoughts:

  1. Start your day with Morning Pages. Morning Pages, a daily practice popularized by Julia Cameron, are three pages of unfiltered writing. This daily practice of filling three pages with your unfiltered thoughts can help clear your mind to start the day fresh.
  2. The WDEP Model (Wants, Doing, Evaluate, Plan). The WDEP Model can help you think about what you want and whether you are making the choices needed to get what you want. It can help you feel more in control of your daily decisions.
  • What do you want?
  • What are you doing to get what you want?
  • Is what you are doing helping you get to what you want?
  • Can you make a more effective plan to get what you want?
  1. The ABC Model (Activating Event, Beliefs, Consequences). We tend to think that activating events leads to consequences. This can help you explore your beliefs and reflect on your emotions.
  • Activating Event. The event that triggers an emotion or thoughts.
  • What you believe or think about the activating event. Our beliefs are the part that often subconsciously gets overlooked.
  • The emotions we feel as a result of the activating event and our beliefs.
  1. Self-Contract. Do you want to change something in your life? What do you want to change? Write a contract to yourself about how you will make changes in your life to reach your goal.
  2. A love letter to yourself. How often do you appreciate and acknowledge yourself? Writing yourself a love letter, or letter of gratitude, can be a perfect space for building a positive relationship with yourself.
  3. Gratitude. Studies have shown that gratitude has a positive impact on a person’s well-being. Integrating gratitude journaling into your routine can increase your happiness and well-being. 

Writing therapy can be a great tool to investigate your feelings or reflect on what you want in life. You can use writing therapy as a tool to fuel your personal growth. 

Exploring your beliefs and feelings using the journal prompts above can help you work through difficult emotions. By giving yourself a place to process your feelings, you’re allowing yourself to be happier and healthier.

 

This practice can be an empowering form of self-care! Try it today and feel the difference!

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If you’re facing a new phase in your life, you might be feeling a bit nervous. Will it work out? Was this the right decision? Whether it’s a new job or a new relationship, here some tips for making the most of your fresh start. 

  1. Don’t Fear Failure

8889937701?profile=RESIZE_710xFear of Failure is America’s number one fear. Many people are so scared they’ll mess up. They never try anything new. And that’s a real shame because unless you take a few risks, you won’t get anywhere, and you’ll never reach your true potential. Reframe Failure as a lesson in what not to do next time. If you make a mistake or something doesn’t work out, you’re a step closer to success. Learn and move on. 

  1. Talk to People

Did you know that most opportunities come from outside your usual network? Be open to new possibilities by talking to people you don’t know. From a casual conversation in the coffee shop to chatting to the person in the next seat at a conference dinner, you never know who you’re about to connect with and where that connection might lead. Be approachable, be polite, and make new friends. 

  1. Know What You Stand For

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you have your own set of personal values. Make those values conscious, and write your personal mission statement. What are your core beliefs? What is your purpose in life? Once you know what you stand for, you can align your actions and focus on your path to success. Think of it as your roadmap

  1. Be Aware of Your Personal Biases

Successful people don’t let their personal opinions get in the way of achieving their goals. Your opinions are not the same as your values. Values are the bedrock of what’s important in your life. You can have an opinion about sports or politics or how you prefer your steak, but don’t confuse views with what’s best for you. If a nontraditional opportunity comes up, think it through and work out if it’s in your best interest. 

  1. Celebrate Your Successes

It’s essential to celebrate the milestones as you check them off on the way to achieving your goals. Celebrating small successes keeps your motivation and your energy high. It also makes those big life goals seem a bit less daunting. High-five yourself for everything you check off your to-do list, and you’ll soon find yourself celebrating the big wins.

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8889886459?profile=RESIZE_710xAre you having trouble at work? Or perhaps you're going through a divorce? Does it feel like your life is falling apart? Don't despair! A positive attitude can go a long way toward creating happiness. 

Everyone has problems at some point or another. Over 12.5 million workdays were lost in the UK alone in 2017 due to stress, anxiety, or depression. Stress affects people primarily because of money, work, poor health, or family responsibilities. 

Remember, when one door closes, another one opens. The problems you're facing now will soon be just a bad memory. 

So, what's the key to staying positive when things are looking bleak? Let's find out! 

Don't Wait to Be Happy 

How many times have you told yourself that you'll be happy as soon as you switch jobs or get a raise? The truth is that these things might not happen anytime soon. If you rely on them to live your best life, you deny your right to happiness. 

Appreciate every moment and focus on the good in your life. Live in the present moment and be grateful for what you have now. 

Stop Playing the Victim 

When times get tough, we tend to blame others for our problems. Doing so will only keep you from finding solutions and solving things out.

Take responsibility for the current situation and then find a way to fix it. Break free from the "poor me" mentality and be proactive in your quest for happiness. 

Jump into Something New  

Opportunities are everywhere. It's a matter of going out and looking. Are you stuck in a lousy job? The fact is it is not a lousy job. There is someone who would love that job. As long as you stay in that job, they will not have the opportunity to have their dream job. Find something else! Assess your skills and figure out how you could use them to boost your income and help others in the process. 

Have you just lost a big client? Start pitching potential customers. Dedicate at least 30 minutes every day to cold emailing and job hunting. The more options you have, the better.

Start a Meditation Habit  

Meditation is one of the best ways to calm your mind and ward off stress. It's so powerful that it alters the brain's structure and triggers positive changes in the areas associated with memory, creativity, and cognition. 

Make a habit out of meditating every single day. Do it for at least 10 minutes. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and take deep breaths. The benefits are immediate. 

Just because your life isn't perfect right now, it doesn't mean it will be like this forever. Problems come and go. What matters is to look on the bright side and hang in there. 

Get out and enjoy yourself for a little bit. Read a good book, call an old friend, or start a new hobby. These small things can make a world of difference.

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8889842082?profile=RESIZE_710xFlipping your switch can seem like a massive undertaking. There are a million different ways to achieve if all the articles on the internet have anything to say about it. However, flipping your switch is a personal undertaking, one that may have similar milestones for everyone but really can and should be tailored to a person’s needs to be successful. Keep reading for the seven steps you need to personalize to flip your switch. 

  1. Find an Activity that Challenges You

The activity that will most help you flip your switch is the one that challenges you. Not your neighbor or your sibling. But you. This could be as simple as folding an entire laundry basket in one sitting or the Sunday morning crossword in pen! 

  1. Commit to yourself

Whatever challenge you’re undertaking, you’re doing it for yourself. Make a promise that you will try your hardest and not give up when the going gets tough.

  1. Set Realistic Goals

Make sure your goals are attainable. You aren’t going to fold all the laundry you do on Sunday by the end of Sunday. But maybe you could at least hang up the stuff that will wrinkle. Or perhaps you will only use a pen on the crossword answers you feel 100% confident about, pencil on the rest.

  1. Turn off the T.V. (or the Internet) In General

Get rid of the useless distractions. That show will not help you concentrate or make time go faster. You can’t flip your switch on one activity if your brain is partially paying attention to another.

  1. Remove Interruptions

Kids, phones, whatever, do your best to remove the interruptions before you start. Then your flow and concentration will be more effective. 

  1. Track Your Progress

Find an easy way (read: not time-consuming, expensive, or labor-intensive) to track your progress. Sometimes this is a calendar to check off days. For others, maybe you need to journal about your feelings, how they went, or your next goal to achieve. Read my article on apps for changing habits. 

  1. Enjoy Your Experiences

Enjoy what you’re doing and the experiences you are having. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey. 

Learning to flip your switch is a process, not a one-day training online. It will take time and practice to find out precisely what it takes for you to be in the zone.

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There's an app for that. It's become a running joke; there's an app for everything. Is there an app for habits? There are a lot of apps for habits. 

HabitBull is a free, flexible reminder program that lets you develop good habits. Habits require repetition, and HabitBull provides the reminder to keep you on track to create the habit of your choice.

8889807487?profile=RESIZE_710xIf you want to walk for three days in the week, HabitBull lets you set reminders on selected days. If you're going to meditate for half an hour each day, you can record your accomplishments in minutes rather than Yes/No answers.
The app creates trends, graphs and tracks your process to create that habit.
HabitBull reminds you that it takes 66 days to create a habit and gives you a progress bar.

Productive (iPhone only application). Productive separates the new habit creation into three categories, morning and evening and whenever. It's selective as to which it shows when, meaning that it shows the AM reminders before noon only and the PM reminders afternoon, also exclusively. This app is designed to force the user into incorporating the habit into their daily schedule instead of saving up or getting it over with early.

Strides. If you're after a vital goal like losing weight, saving money reading a large number of books, then you should look at Strides. This app looks at the total time to complete any task and breaks it down into measurable, trackable milestones. It creates weekly and monthly goals to keep you on track. 

Streaks (currently iPhone only). Streaks is an app to help you develop fitness goals. The plus of this app is that it hooks in nicely with Apple's Health app. It tracks steps, measures heart rate, distance, and more. It's simple, handling only six habits at a time, and has a very easy-to-understand graphics display. 

Habitica. This app is free and for the iPhone, Android, or web. Habitica takes good habits and converts them into something fun. It converts them into a video game you can play with friends. You can earn badges and battle monsters and hold each other accountable. If either of you fails to complete the remainder, you're both penalized. 

Coach.me. This app has plans to coach you through the process of forming athletic habits and training. You can see videos and even contact live coaches for hire. 

HabitFree (Android only) uses questions to help you keep your routine. "Did you brush your teeth?" "Did you go for a walk?" Not surprisingly, it focuses on streaks, how many days in a row you accomplished your task. 

There are many apps available, and the selection in the app store is changing all the time. Scan your options or search under "HABITS" for the one best suited for you.

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7 Benefits to Trying New Things

8889766287?profile=RESIZE_710xWhen you make it a goal to try something new, you may not realize why you’re setting out to do something new in the first place. There is a slew of benefits that come along from incorporating “new” into your life; here are 7 of them: 

  1. Learn New Things

How will you learn new things if you never try new things? Think about an activity you’ve never tried before. You probably don’t know much about it. As soon as you put yourself out there and try it out, though, you’ll probably learn a lot more about it. 

  1. Get Rid of Boredom

Boredom is the worst – we all can attest. When you’re trying out new projects, new places, new people, etc., that boredom slips by the wayside. Keep your brain engaged, and you won’t have to deal with monotony creeping in. 

  1. More Stories to Tell

As you try new things and meet new people, you accumulate more stories about your adventures. Whether it’s a funny story or a scary story, your stories become part of who you are. What a great perk!  

  1. Get a New Perspective

Sometimes, you need to sit in another area of the room to change your perspective – similarly, you need to try new things to change your outlook on life.

  1. Self-Discovery

Let’s face it – we spend a lot of time with ourselves—an entire lifetime. So if you do the same thing day in and day out, you probably won’t see many different sides to yourself. Self-discovery leads to many great attributes – confidence, self-awareness, perceptiveness, to name a few. 

  1. Gain Confidence

Why fly when you can soar? You can amount to great things by simply expanding your horizons and trying new things. Time after time, you’ll begin to gain a new sense of confidence in yourself and your capabilities. 

  1. Experience Life to the Fullest

There’s a reason why people say you only have one life to live. If you take this sentiment to heart, you’ll want to get as many experiences out of life as you possibly can. That begins with your habits – your day-to-day life. When you push yourself out of your comfort zone, you’ll gain more of these experiences. Who knows what you could learn about yourself or your life? You’ll have to try to find out!

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Set a Life-Changing Goal

If we sit down and think about it, most of us have goals. The problem is, they are often undefined thoughts just passing through during our day. In reality, these are more daydreams than goals. If you are ready to actually set a goal that can change your life, then follow these tips to set a life-changing goal. 8819313098?profile=RESIZE_584x

  1. Figure Out What You Want to Change

If you could change one aspect of your life, what would it be? Would you focus on your career, family or health? It doesn't matter what you choose, you simply need to figure out what area of your life you want to change.

  1. Know Why You Want to Change

Why do you want to change that area of your life? Think about this ...a lot. This is essentially your motivation. Take some time to brainstorm all the benefits of changing this area of your life. Go back to the list often, especially when motivation starts to wane. 

  1. Dare to Dream Big

SMART goals are important. Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely goals should make up the majority of our goals. That said, don't fear dreaming big. It will take a big goal to really motivate us. What may seem unrealistic now, might not be as far out of your reach as you think. If the goal does not excite and scare you at the same time, it is not big enough. It does not take any more energy to think big. 

  1. Write Your Goal Down

Keeping your goal in your head, is only worth the paper it is printed on. You can't set proper goals without writing them down. Simply writing your goals down will differentiate you from the vast majority of people. Choose your goal and write it down. It is simple as that.

  1. Break Your Goal Down into Smaller Goals

If you took the above advice, you dared to dream big. That has left you with a big goal that scares you. The way to deal with this is to break this larger goal down into smaller, more achievable goals. These smaller goals can be considered your action plan. 

  1. Set Deadlines

Every goal you set needs to have a deadline. You don't need to be cutthroat here, but you need to be aggressive. If you struggle with hitting deadlines, then consider building in a reward system. If you meet a goal by the deadline, reward yourself in some way. If you miss the deadline ask yourself if you did your best? If you did your best, then you guessed wrong on the completion date. That is all. Keep going towards your goal.

  1. Take Action

At the end of the day, achieving your goals comes down to you. Are you ready to not only set goals, but take action upon them? Taking action is the only way you will ever achieve a goal. If you are struggling on where to start, choose the easiest task and start there 

  1. Reflect and Adjust

There is real value in taking time to reflect on your goals. Setting goals should be considered a fluid undertaking. At regular intervals you need to stop and think about what is working, and what isn't working. You also need to check in with yourself to see if your wants are still the same. Taking time to reflect on your goals, and adjusting where needed will make sure you stay on course 

  1. Don't Stop

Did you reach your goal? Perhaps, you reached an obstacle or impasse? Whatever the case - you keep going. Once you reach a goal, you set another one! If you get stuck on your goals, you either deal with the obstacle, or go around it. You can't change your life overnight, it takes persistence and dedication.

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You've probably heard that you can only get where you want to be if you know where you're going. This statement is as true now as the first time it was said. So how do you come to know where you're going, so you can get where you want to be? 8787222481?profile=RESIZE_400x

Goals are crucial. When we set goals, we're trying to bring each piece of our lives in line with our overall vision for ourselves. Using a powerful vision-setting process can help you set more effective goals since you can chart a course that will take you toward and support your vision. 

Have you written a vision for each area of your life? Your written goals will let you know where you're headed spiritually, socially, relationally, physically, financially, and more?

Use this process to help you create a vision that works for you: 

  1. Write down your vision for a particular aspect of your life. Start writing about what you would like to accomplish in your life and what you would like to have also. There's no right or wrong. What you write down is not the finished product. It is a start, and it is crucial to get started. Remember, if you do not know where you are going, you will get there.
  • In writing your vision, avoid focusing on what you don't want because this will only bring about more of what you do not want in your life. Turn off the negativity and focus on your new vision.
  • For example, if you want more money, avoid wording your statement: "I don't want to be poor anymore." Instead, envision what it would be like to be rich, what you want, and write about what it would be like for you.
  • Although you may feel challenged when first learning to focus on what you want, it gets easier. Plus, the rewards are spectacular when you can do it consistently. You'll start to notice that your life seems as if you can change it at will, which you can. 
  1. Carry your vision statement with you. During the day, read the vision statement and imagine that picture in your mind. How does your vision make you feel? Are you excited and scared? This takes up 30 seconds of your life each time. A small investment to change your life.

 

  1. If you feel excited and scared about your vision, that's great. If not, your goals are not big enough. Re-write your goals until you are both excited and scared at the same time. Continue refining the image of your dream life until doing your visualization feels spectacular. 
  • At some point, you will be wondering when this process ever ends. It never ends. You will accomplish your goals regularly and need to write a new goal in alignment with your life's vision. 
  1. Review your vision daily. Measuring your progress will keep you on track and show you where you need to make adjustments to your plan. Disciplining yourself to review your vision will ensure you accomplish your goals.
  2. Create separate vision statements for all the areas of your life. Consider your finances, relationships, adventure, health, social life, and spirituality. If you can get all these visions to look just the way you want, imagine what your life will look like! 

Spend Time On This Process? 

Consider all the actions you take during the day. Are these actions a part of your plan or someone else's plan for your life? If you have not made a plan for your life, someone else will. Everything you do is either moving you closer to your vision or closer to someone else's dream. Wouldn't you rather help yourself reach yours?


Having a vision is the first step to creating the life you desire. Tweak your approach, not your goal. Do this at regular intervals. This gets easier with practice. 

Don't hesitate; create your visions today. Then, start reviewing and improving them immediately. Your life will change rapidly for the better. You'll then be spending your time making your visions a reality instead of making someone else's dream come true.

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Resentment is an unhealthy emotion. While many people believe resentment is simply a lack of forgiveness, it's a much more complicated emotion.  The reasons people hold on to resentments vary based on the reason for the resentment.

And because everyone experiences hurtful situations, resentment is more common than people realize. However, scientists believe that you can choose forgiveness over resentment and improve your mental and emotional health.

  1. Disregard and Disrespect

In a series of essays and studies published by Routledge Press, researchers found that people expect to be treated with some degree of goodwill and kindness by others. When someone doesn't treat you this way, resentment against them begins to form.  The perception of being treated with outright disrespect also breaks this social contract of kindness.  When the situation isn't resolved, resentment grows, and some people may continue to feel the resentment indefinitely.

People perceive disregard and disrespect differently, depending on their level of self-esteem and their belief in where they are in social status.  Psychologists have found that people with low self-esteem are generally more resentful of others.

People who believe they are in a lower social class will often resent those they feel are above them but may accept being treated with disregard and disrespect as inescapable because of their status. However, repeatedly being treated poorly only adds to feelings of resentment.

  1. Acceptance

Ancient humans evolved their emotional understanding of acceptance based on the benefits of belonging to a group, especially safety and support. In a study published in Psychology Bulletin, researchers found that the need for acceptance evolved as a fundamental aspect of human nature.  When a person doesn't feel accepted by a group, they may resent being excluded.  This resentment is based on the fear of losing the benefits of a group membership.

In modern society, social and networking groups provide advantages in business, for a person's career, and to raise someone's social status.  When a group does not accept a person they believe they deserve to belong to, they may resent that group and similar groups that they think might exclude them.8783321258?profile=RESIZE_400x

Holding on to resentment of these groups keeps them from needing to examine their skills, abilities, and whether they truly deserve to be accepted. Instead, they protect their low-self-esteem by placing the blame on others.

  1. Trauma

Severe trauma, such as physical, emotional, or mental trauma or abandonment, often leads to resentment of the person or type of person who committed the traumatic act. According to psychologists, until a person resolves the trauma they have been through, bitterness may help them protect their ego, self-esteem, and emotions. However, these benefits are short-lived, and unless a person processes their trauma, resentment will become an unhealthy mental and emotional outlook on life.

  1. Injustice

Injustice is another trigger where resentment offers short-term benefits. When a person perceives an injustice, bitterness may give them the courage to stand up for themselves and others.  An initial feeling of irritation can cause someone to be assertive in their behavior and demand a level of respect from others.  But when a person can't resolve a conflict to their satisfaction through assertiveness, continued resentment may make them aggressive in their behavior.

According to researchers at Psychology Today, the feeling of courage and satisfaction a person feels when they are assertive can also cause someone to hold on to resentments.  If a person doesn't have other ways to build their self-esteem, feeling resentful and then remembering their response may become their way of boosting their courage.  Over time, resentment spreads until a person feels the need to resent almost everything to feel control and satisfaction.

  1. Groups

According to a Stanford University study, people have more control over their emotions than they know but often release that control to a group. If everyone around you is resentful of someone or something, you may start to feel resentment, too, even if you haven't been personally harmed.  Additional research is needed to determine if this "group think" is based on the general need for respect and acceptance.

People hold on to resentments because sometimes, the initial feeling of resentment helps them cope. They may also feel disrespected or rejected.  If the situation isn't resolved, resentment can grow into a long-term outlook and feeling. 

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It can be so hard to express to someone how they may have hurt you, especially if they are a person you care about or have cared about. Confrontation is something that most people find uncomfortable. Still, a person's feelings are important, and when trying to maintain a relationship, they should be important to the other party.8783276668?profile=RESIZE_400x

According to The Stone Foundation Counselling Group, the time to confront someone is when an issue will not leave you alone. Essentially, if you cannot stop thinking about the wrong done to you by someone, it is time to confront them. Of course, the best way to make sure such a confrontation brings the matter to rest is to ensure the discussion is done in a healthy, productive way. (https://thestonefoundation.com/the-art-of-healthy-confrontation-8-steps/). 

Make Sure You're Safe

According to Professor Preston Ni, the first step in any confrontation is to make sure you feel safe. Of course, not every confrontation has a risk of becoming dangerous, but any concern regarding personal safety taking steps is needed.

If the other person has exhibited violent behavior in the past, do not confront them alone. If you need support, make sure you have some and make sure you feel secure in the place you are interacting with the person who has wronged you. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/9-keys-handling-hostile-and-confrontational-people). 

Try To Start The Conversion In A Positive Way

Whatever the relationship, be it professional, family, or romantic, try and begin the confrontation with a positive statement regarding how you hope to improve things. This is true even if this is a confrontation with a former partner. The aim is to let the other person know that you are not there to attack them but rather explain how you feel.

Explain How You Feel

The best way to move forward in a healthy confrontation is to explain your feelings to the other person without pointing fingers and placing blame. Tell them that you feel a certain way when they do a particular thing. The key is for them to understand that the action they have taken or tend to take makes you sad, angry, frustrated, anxious, basically whatever emotion it is you feel. 

Be Prepared To Compromise

Enter into the confrontation with a willingness to be flexible. Perhaps they didn't realize that they made you feel a certain way. Give them some benefit of the doubt and use statements such as "I might not have understood" or ``Here's how it came across to me" The important thing is not to make this an attack but a chance to understand each other.

Work Together

Try and create an understanding that you want to work together to get beyond this situation. They have wronged you and made you feel bad, but you show a willingness to understand them if they will understand how you feel. Just because there has been conflict in the past does not mean that it must continue moving forward.

Offer Up Solutions

If there is a relationship of some type moving forward, it is vital to be clear and open about what you would like to happen in the future. This should not be a list of demands but rather a clear conversation relating to what you can do together to make the relationship healthier. Offer up ideas and be prepared to listen to any that is given in return. The key is to find a compromise and find a way to work on this situation together.

 

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We will inevitably face situations and encounter individuals who generate feelings of anger within us but learning to counter those feelings and manage them appropriately is key to healthy development and coping. 8774049101?profile=RESIZE_400x

Anger management exercises are an excellent way to go about this process. Research has shown that anger management exercises are linked to improved well-being and reduce the number of angry outbursts experienced. Thus, learning about anger management exercises and implementing the right combination of exercises is essential to controlling anger and preventing anger from controlling you. 

Deep Breathing 

When we experience negative emotions such as anger, we typically experience a rapid increase in our breathing. A quick and relatively simple way to regulate our mood is to control our breathing. 

Consciously slowing and deepening our breathing can bring us back to a calm state that helps us manage our emotions. You can accomplish this by breathing slowly and deeply from the belly. Repeat as many times as needed to generate calm. 

Physical Activity

Getting the body moving is another way to stimulate calm and manage feelings of anger. Research shows that exercise can reduce stress and anxiety, which can keep anger at bay. 

Regularly exercising each day/week is a great way to deal with anger that may pop up preemptively, but in moments where you feel unexpectedly angry, getting physical on the spot can also be an immediate step to take to deal with how you feel. Something as simple as going for a walk/run or doing yoga can release hormones that stimulate feelings of joy and calm and work to combat anger. 

Progressive Muscle Relaxation 

Progressive muscle relaxation is a way to release tension in the body that tends to get stored up when a person is angry and upset. This technique involves slowly tensing up and then relaxing one muscle group in the body at a time.

An easy method is to start at the top of the head and move down to the toes. By going through this process, tension is gradually reduced, stress released, and anger decreased. 

Avoiding Triggers 

One of the best methods for managing anger is understanding what your triggers are and taking measures to avoid them beforehand. When we know those things and people that tend to lead us towards feelings of anger, we can take proactive steps to limit our interactions, create space/distance, or avoid altogether. 

Active Listening 

Often, the anger we feel towards a situation or individual is because we don’t have a complete understanding of the situation or what is trying to be communicated by the individual. Listening to understand or taking a pause during a situation to assess and process can prevent you from making unfair or faulty assumptions. With a proper understanding of the situation or information, you might find that you’re not upset after all. 

Via these strategies, you can manage and even conquer your anger. For some, just one of these strategies may be effective, while other people might need to combine multiple techniques to deal with their anger. 

Either way, finding what works for you will help you be less reactive and better able to deal with unpleasant situations and challenging individuals in healthy and appropriate ways.

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The resentment you feel when someone hurts you physically, mentally, or emotionally can cause lasting damage and reduce your quality of life. According to psychologists and life coaches, holding on to resentments can make you:8771183862?profile=RESIZE_400x

  • Deeply Disappointed
  • Less Trusting
  • Blame Others

When you feel that you’ve been mistreated, the disappointment you feel can extend not only to the person who hurt you but, over time, to other people and aspects of your life.  Resentment can also make you less trusting of others and blame other people for your circumstances.  Resentment is unhealthy, and letting it go is crucial to your peace of mind. 

How can you let go of resentments?  When you’ve been hurt, it may be hard to heal and move past the pain.  Here are five strategies to let resentments go, based on research and studies by scientists.

  1. Dig Deeper

Based on clinical work highlighted in Psychology Today, the first strategy to let resentments go is to dig deeper into why you feel resentment. Resentment is a combination of anger and hate.  Those emotions also have an underlying cause, either fear and hurt. 

Ask yourself why you feel resentment.  What was the situation that made you feel this way?  When you think about it, the actions that started your resentment probably hurt you emotionally, mentally, or physically.  What did those actions take from you?  That’s fear.  Feeling like you lost respect, status, or safety are all fear-based responses.

The next step is to consider the intention of the person who hurt you.  Were their actions overtly trying to hurt you?  Or did they unknowingly do something that triggered your feelings of fear and anger?  Attempts to hurt you are abuse and should not be tolerated.  But what you perceived as an indifferent, cold, or unhelpful action from someone may not be what they intended. 

When you consider the reason someone acted a certain way towards you, you may be able to let go of resentments associated with minor annoyances. Talking with the other person and expressing how you feel, using “I” statements instead of blaming, and working towards a positive solution can help you let go of resentments.

  1. Express Anger in Healthy Ways

Your feelings of resentment about a person or a situation may be entirely justified but holding onto resentments isn’t healthy. Anger is a natural human emotion.  Refusing to express or deal with your anger is not healthy either.  Instead, find ways to express your anger that allow you to release it.  According to research published in The Journal of Medicine and Life, holding onto anger and resentment has multiple health risks, including heart disease, diabetes, and eating disorders.  Here are some healthy ways to release anger instead:

  • Keep a Journal
  • Exercise
  • Talk with a Trusted Friend
  • Paint, draw, or Forms of Art
  1. Self-Care

Resentment comes from being hurt. That means you will need to take care of yourself to heal.  There are many self-care techniques available to help you decrease stress, lessen psychological pain, and release anger.  These techniques may also help you grow stronger so you can better manage future situations that might make you feel resentment.

  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Deep Breathing
  • Getting Enough Rest
  • Spend Time in Nature
  • Laugh
  • Treat Yourself
  1. Forgiveness Therapy

Forgiveness therapy is a process designed to help you let go of resentments. By working with a trained therapist, you can learn how to examine why you feel resentments, how to let go of them, and how to protect yourself in the future.  Forgiveness therapy is a specific type of therapy for people who have experienced trauma, pain, and hurt, leading to resentments.

  1. Other Professional Therapy

The American Psychological Association offers other forms of therapy through psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors. Resentment is not the only unhealthy behavior associated with pain and suffering.  Professional therapists can help you let go of resentments and deal with other issues affecting your quality of life.  Examples of therapies available include:

  • Anger Management
  • Alcohol and Drug Addiction
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
  1. Spiritual Exercises

Practicing your Spiritual beliefs is a very powerful way of letting go of resentments. Find a spiritual advisor and follow their direction. Let them walk you through the feelings and resolve the grievances. In no way does using a spiritual approach negate the first five strategies—just the opposite. On your spiritual journey to peace of mind, you will use the first five strategies at various points in your healing from your resentment.

There are ways to let go of resentments.  Resentment will impact your life in negative ways left untreated. 

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The emotion of resentment is essentially a ball of our most negative feelings. According to Web. M.D. people feeling resentment experience feelings of anger, frustration, hostility, bitterness, hard feelings, and uneasiness. It does not feel good to be resentful. It can even affect your health and wellbeing adversely.8771152661?profile=RESIZE_400x

A quote by Deepak Chopra beautifully wraps up resentment for what it is "What we don't recognize is that holding onto resentment is like holding onto your breath. You'll soon start to suffocate."

So, how do you deal with this toxic emotion? The answer is simple when you consider that it consists of negativity; it's even scientific - the solution is to combat it with positivity.

Forgiveness Is Key

According to the Mayo Clinic, if we are unable to practice forgiveness, we will likely be the ones who suffer the most. One of the main components of feeling resentful is wanting to exact revenge for the harm done by someone else.

To remedy this, we need to take a firm stance against those kinds of thoughts we need to make ourselves forgive. Replacing those feelings of anger and frustration with forgiveness and releasing a need to retaliate sets us free. (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692).

There are many benefits to forgiving someone for what they have done to us, and these include:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Stronger mental health
  • A decrease in stress
  • Healthier heart
  • A boost to physical immunity
  • Increased self-belief

Some may feel like forgiving is letting the person who wronged them off the hook, but this is an incorrect assessment. We need to understand that when we cannot control the things we want to, we must choose to manage what we can.

The truth is we may never get the apology we deserve or the recognition for our hurt feelings, but we can control how we choose to react. When we choose forgiveness, we take back our power, and, in the process, we gain back our self-respect. 

The Power of Empathy

The loving emotion of empathy is essential in letting go of our resentment, as strange as that may sound. According to psychologist Judith Orloff M.D., empathy is when we reach out our hearts to others and place ourselves in their shoes. The wise Dalai Lama once called empathy the most precious of human qualities. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empaths-survival-guide/201811/the-healing-power-empathy).

We should consider how the people who have wronged us feel and try to understand why they did what they did. If we only consider how we feel, we never truly understand the "why" of a situation. It is important to use empathy to understand if someone is lashing out because of their pain. The hurt visited upon you may never have been intentional. This resentment may be due to a misunderstanding that has grown out of control.

The important aspect is that empathy helps us more fully understand a situation and may help in learning to forgive. Even if using empathy does not find a valid excuse for the harm someone has inflicted, it can at least give you closure in understanding that it wasn't your fault. We must learn to have enough love to be empaths and forgive not only others but also ourselves.

Final Thought

Love is the polar opposite of hate, and hate is one of the root causes of resentment. We, therefore, need to use love and compassion to combat our feelings of resentment if for no other reason than to make our own lives better.

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We all have that one situation that sticks with us, either because something terrible happened or because we felt embarrassed. This is a normal part of being human, but when does it become abnormal to which we still can't seem to forget something that has happened? If you still can't let go of something after years, this could be because you have trouble letting go.8771074891?profile=RESIZE_400x

  1. Your Negative Emotions Concern You

When something terrible happens in your life, it's expected that you will have negative emotions for a while following the event. If your event is the loss of a relationship, psychologists say the period of grieving changes based on the relationship's length and depth. So how do you know when it's gone on too long? 

Simple, it's gone on too long when even you think it has. If your negative thoughts seem excessive even to you, well, then you have an issue letting go, and it may be time to seek some outside assistance. 

  1. You Can't See Past What Happened 

Maybe it's been years, but every day you wake up, and for a second, you can't believe it happened. This is very common in people who have lost a partner or a family member in a traumatic and sudden manner. If the event that occurred is still clouding your every thought throughout the day years later, then it's definitely time to admit that you may have a problem. 

  1. You Fantasize About Other Outcomes 

At first, it may be normal to ask yourself the "what ifs" of what may have happened had the outcome been different. But if you find yourself still asking about the "what ifs" months and years into the future, it's a sign that the event is still on your mind, and you haven't entirely accepted its occurrence yet. It would help if you remembered that life goes on, and there is no way to go back and change what has happened. Until you recognize this, you will never be able to move on. 

  1. You Can't Forgive Those Involved 

If the event involved someone else, say a friend or family member, and you find yourself still angry at them every time you think of them, this is a sure sign that you haven't forgiven them yet. Forgiveness is a significant part of learning to let go of the negative feelings which hurt us. Sometimes if the event you can't let go of is the death of a family member or friend, you may find that spending some time learning about who they were helps you humanize them and be able to forgive them more easily. 

  1. You Still Haven't Forgiven Yourself 

The primary sign that you are having trouble letting go of something is that you haven't yet forgiven your role in the situation. To forgive others, you will need to learn to forgive yourself first. 

Venting to and having the support of family and friends can help with this step. Suppose you are still having trouble and are experiencing some of the other concerns on this list. In that case, it may be time to involve the outside help of a spiritual advisor, therapist, or other mental health professional. 

No matter what the event may have been, if you find yourself having trouble letting go of something, this can be a very serious problem. If left unchecked, negative emotions wreak havoc on our well-being. If you found a lot of these red flags in your own life, it may be time to admit that you need to seek outside help to learn to let go of a situation.

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Resentment is a lingering feeling that comes from perceived unfair or poor treatment. When we meditate on the perceived mistreatment and direct our negative and often hostile feelings toward the person or event we deem responsible for causing the perceived mistreatment, this is resentment in action.8768017453?profile=RESIZE_400x

Whether we are justified in our feelings or not, harboring resentment can be genuinely debilitating in our lives. This article will outline how resentments can be debilitating in our physical, mental, and emotional lives. 

Physical Impacts 

Resentment will take a toll on our physical health in a bad way. When we feel negative emotions, it causes the body to go into a stressed state known as the flight or fight response. When this occurs, adrenaline levels rise, heart rate increases, and blood is redirected from organs to limbs (in preparation for fighting or flighting). 

When the body remains in this heightened state for a prolonged period, it can lead to physical distress. Stress hormones are released, and this can cause health issues such as gastrointestinal problems, headaches/migraines, chronic pain conditions, heart problems, blood pressure issues, and several others. 

Emotional Impacts 

We will also be impacted emotionally when we harbor resentment and the accompanying negative emotions that coincide with it, such as anger, anxiety, stress, and frustration. Choosing to hold onto negative emotions prevents you from experiencing the fullness of positive emotions such as love, gratitude, and kindness because too many stress hormones are filling the body. 

Additionally, trouble enjoying people, events, and things and challenges trusting other people are commonly experienced. One might also find that there is trouble managing and stabilizing mood and that they are more emotionally reactive and unable to communicate clearly or openly with others. 

Mental Health Impacts  

Mental health is another area that can see significant adverse impacts. When we hold onto resentment, we often meditate on the perceived injustice constantly, which is detrimental. The continual focus on the negative event and person can make it hard to concentrate and remember things. 

One might also find themselves struggling to process feelings and events and have difficulty problem-solving, identifying a problem, or understanding the true complexity of a problem. This can lead to clouded judgment and trouble making decisions. Additionally, mental health conditions can increase when resentment is present. Anxiety, depression, and other disorders like phobias and PTSD can present themselves or, if already present, increase significantly to the point that it interferes drastically in one’s daily life.

Social Impacts 

Each of the previously listed categories of negative impacts that can present itself in response to holding onto resentment can lead to detriments in one’s ability to engage in healthy social relationships.

If physical health conditions, mental health, or emotional struggles limit a person, it will inhibit their ability to connect with others in a meaningful way. This means there will be difficulty engaging with others, challenges connecting with others, problems trusting others, and struggles empathizing with others. This limits connections and stunts social growth

All of this points to the fact that resentments do not serve anyone who holds onto them. Instead, they only bring about a host of challenges that can drastically limit your life and ability to make forward progress. 

Thus, making every effort to release resentment is vital to experiencing mental and emotional freedom from the situation or person one has bitterness for and experiencing freedom and joy in one’s life.

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It is impossible to go through life while interacting with others without occasionally developing resentment feelings. This is because we will all encounter someone who wrongs us in some way or another. It is a negative emotional reaction to being mistreated, usually by someone else but also occasionally by circumstances.8753779099?profile=RESIZE_400x

According to WebMD, there are a number of signs that we are feeling resentment which include:

  • Recurring negative feelings
  • Inability to stop thinking about an event
  • Feelings of regret or remorse
  • Fear or avoidance
  • A tense relationship
  • Feeling invisible and inadequate
  • Inability to let go of anger

Even though resentment is impossible to avoid altogether, it should be recognized and dealt with to move on to a happier, healthier life.

Mental Effects of Resentment

Deep resentment can have serious emotional effects on a person, often leaving them struggling to live their life efficiently. Harboring resentment towards someone essentially means you are constantly angry at them, which can mean a complicated relationship if you regularly interact with them. Even if you never have to see that person again, holding onto that resentment can ruin your relationships with others.

Many people who have been in abusive relationships or have had a partner that has cheated on them may well have good reason to resent that person. It's not wrong to be angry and upset but holding onto the resentment for their actions means that there is still a part of that person with you.

When you allow resentment to linger in your life, you constantly remember that person and the hurt. The trauma caused by that person makes you suspicious of others' motives and stops you from leading a happy life.

According to the Mayo Clinic, there are many benefits to forgiving someone who has wronged you. Forgiving someone does not mean you allow someone who hurt you back into your life but merely that you choose to let go of what happened and move on.

The benefits to your emotional health of releasing resentment and forgiving include:

  • Healthier future relationships
  • Improved mental health
  • Less anxiety, stress, and hostility
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Improved self-esteem 

The Physical Effects of Resentment

It may seem strange, but resentment can also have a physical effect on our health and wellbeing. Mental health specialist Louise B. Miller Ph.D., says that anger creates energy surges in the body, releasing chemicals such as adrenaline. The release of adrenaline, in particular, causes an increase in heart rate, blood flow, and tension in the muscles. It is a physical response that essentially readies us to either fight or flight.

Now anger along with fear can be healthy emotions for self-preservation, but constant anger such as can occur with deep resentment can be very dangerous. Over time the pressure on the heart caused by constant anger can cause damage, and blood pressure can also become elevated. This can lead to headaches, a decreased immune system, and cardiovascular issues.

It seems very odd that emotion can do physical damage, but resentment is one of the most unhealthy mindsets. Whereas anger can be fleeting, when fueled by resentment, it becomes self-sustaining and rears its ugly head for no logical reason. 

Final Thoughts

Resentment does nothing positive for a person's mental or physical health. It impacts both adversely. This means that you are allowing this source of anger to destroy every part of your life by resenting someone. When you let go of the resentment, you let go of the power that person has over you.

Sources

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-resentment#1

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mind-body-connection/202007/what-causes-anger-and-how-it-affects-the-body

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692

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Learning to let go of your resentments and moving on is one of the hardest lessons you have to learn as a human being. But once you do, you’ll go on to live a happier, healthier, and all-around better life. 8753654881?profile=RESIZE_400x

If you find yourself struggling to let go of your resentments, it’s probably for several reasons. And until you stop engaging in these behaviors, it is unlikely you will be able to forgive the people you resent and learn to move on. 

  1. You Focus On The Negative Instead Of The Positive 

Resentment is often born out of a negative situation, such as a betrayal or perceived unfairness. One of the reasons you may be stuck on that resentment is because you can only see the negative part of the event you experienced in that situation.

To remedy this, take a deep breath and start to reason with yourself. Chances are there are positive results which came out of this negative situation. If you need to, write these positive aspects down. Then every time a reminder of the negative pops up in your head, start thinking about the positives instead.

  1. You’re Bottling Up Your Emotions

It’s a well-known fact that you can’t even begin to deal with your emotions until you recognize them first. So, if you’re still bottling up your resentment about a situation, find someone to confide in, whether this is a friend, family member, or therapist. 

Once you’ve discussed how you feel, you will have effectively faced these negative emotions, and you will be able to begin working through them. There are also other ways to relieve these negative emotions you may be feeling. If talking isn’t enough, consider putting your negative energy into a safe hobby such as running or a form of art. 

You’ll find that keeping yourself busy will help keep your mind from feelings of resentment and help you work through the emotions simultaneously.

  1. You’re Stuck In The Past 

Whatever resentment you are harboring, it’s based on a past event. And the reason you keep feeling that resentment is because you keep remembering the event in question. Instead of dwelling on the past, you need to start looking forward.

Every time your mind wants to remind you of the memory which leads to resentment, don’t let it. Think of positive thoughts instead. You’ll be surprised how much resentment shrinks when you make the conscious effort not to dwell on it all the time. 

  1. You’re Not Practicing Empathy 

You are human, and all humans make mistakes. And chances are, the resentment you are feeling is based on an error made by another human. If you find yourself unable to forgive someone and instead resent them, take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. If you were them, wouldn’t you want forgiveness? 

Once you can see a situation from someone else’s eyes, you’ll likely feel different about it, and maybe you’ll finally be able to begin the process of forgiveness. 

The road to letting go of resentment is genuinely not an easy one. There are several roadblocks that may hold you back, even if you don’t notice them at first. To start forgiving the people you resent, it’s time to recognize those roadblocks and begin actively working towards conquering them. Only once you forgive those that hurt you will you indeed be able to move on and live a happier and more fulfilling life.

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Many people in modern times are quick to dismiss old wives ’ tales. They can be considered superstitious and outdated. However, there are times that these little anecdotes that have survived the centuries have done so for a reason! People who have tried some of these things will stand by them. So what wisdom do these old wive’s tales hold for those who want to focus on anti-aging and maintain a youthful appearance?8599772269?profile=RESIZE_400x

First of all, have you ever heard a grandmother or someone else mention that putting honey on your wounds is something that will help you to heal? You had better listen up because using honey on the skin, especially when it is damaged, is an incredibly powerful thing to do to promote healing and lessen the possibility of scarring because of how helpful it is in hydrating the skin.

Not only that, but honey is naturally anti-microbial. Anti-microbial means that when you are injured, there are properties in honey that will help us to fight off infections and the harmful bacterias that may end up doing harm to our bodies and making it take longer for our wounds to heal. Honey is also like a soothing balm when used on other skin irritations such as sunburns. If you heed any advice from old wive’s tales, make it this one!

Another important old wive’s tale still relevant today is the phrase that “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Apples (and some other fruits and vegetables) contain essential vitamins and fiber that help us keep looking radiant! With the help of the fibers in an apple, we can cleanse our bodies of harmful toxins in a healthy and natural way so that we might remain able to put our best feet forward and avoid premature aging and disease. Apples help us keep our blood clean, which means that overall, our circulation is better and will improve everything!

It can be easy to dismiss the old wives ’ tales that we hear over the years. It is true, back in the time when many of these tales began to circulate, we didn’t have quite so many helpful advances in modern medicine or science. There weren’t real explanations for why or how things worked. All we had was the assurance that it did. And some of these methods have worked well enough that we still hear them spouted regularly.

So, it is safe to say that using the wisdom that our ancestors have laid out for us over the centuries can still help us in our daily lives. Listening to what they had to say can have untold benefits for us because they did things for results, and they got those results! Get them for yourself by utilizing apples and honey today!

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Where do you fit into your day? 

If you're like most people, you're pretty busy. You're already dealing with work, relationships, and a whole lot of day-to-day actions. You're running in every direction at once. How are you supposed to fit self-care into a day like that in the world? 8503621468?profile=RESIZE_400x

Thankfully, it's easier than you think. Try these five ways to add self-care into your busy day. 

Ask Some Important Questions

Self-care isn't about over-indulging yourself. Honestly, at its core, self-care is more practical than you might think. You start by asking yourself what you need right now. Meeting these basic needs is at the center of self-care. 

Map it Out

Self-care is never going just to happen. Unless you are intentional, you will never make time for it. By using your calendar and scheduling time for yourself, you are more likely to meet your basic needs. Start small by building in the habits which will help you the most. You can begin by adding regular exercise dates several days a week or making a meal plan to help you eat healthier. As you achieve one goal, add in another. The key is not to overwhelm yourself all at once. 

Figure Out What Comes First

How are you when it comes to priorities? If you're like most people, just deciding where to begin can be difficult. Here you need to figure out the difference between essential and urgent. If something is important and not urgent, you can add it to your schedule. If something is urgent and unnecessary, you need to eliminate these things from your life. But if something is urgent and essential, do this first.

Learn to Say "No"

You should never feel like you have to say "yes" to everything. Sometimes the best form of self-care is learning how to say "no." By setting definite boundaries, you protect yourself from activities that will only leave you drained and give you no benefit at all. 

Do the Small Stuff

We think the little things don't matter, but they do. By ensuring you take care of the basics, such as making sure you get enough sleep, practicing good hygiene, eating right, and exercising, you will keep your body in tiptop form. These things also have a tangible impact on your mental health. 

When we get busy, we tend to easily forget all of these things. When you're making an effort to take care of yourself, you have to be intentional in what you do. Remembering these five tips will go a long way toward keeping you healthy and happy no matter how busy you get.

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There‘s so much emphasis on getting ahead, being successful, and striving for change that it can be hard to remember that you already have so much for which to be grateful. Even worse, the constant pushing to change your circumstances can lead to dissatisfaction and keep you trapped in a cycle of always feeling you’re not good enough.

Free yourself from the shackles of ‘must try harder’ by remembering to stop and appreciate what you’ve already achieved, what blessings you already have in your life. Keep in mind that you are free to be content right now. Here are some tips to help free you from the cycle of discontent.8503591853?profile=RESIZE_400x 

  1. Change your focus

Research has shown that the more you cultivate a habit of gratitude, the better you can weather the ups and downs of life. As you perceive life to be positive, you will expect more of the same. You can retrain your brain from negative self-talk to greater thankfulness, gratitude, and happiness.

 By practicing gratitude, you rewire the neural pathways in your brain so that it becomes your mindset’s default setting. You learn to look for the good in things instead of focusing on the bad. 

  1. Step away from more stuff

If you’re like most people, you have more than enough possessions. The current mantra is that spending brings happiness, but deep down, you probably know that it doesn’t. Sure, buying yourself a new car or outfit makes you feel good at the time, but that “spenders high” wears off pretty quickly. 

Break the habit of buying the next shiny thing and appreciate what you’ve got right now. 

  1. Develop a mindfulness practice

Mindfulness and meditation can help you focus on the good that’s already in your life. By focusing on the present, you free yourself from that familiar yoyo-ing of brooding over past disappointments and future anxieties. 

You can easily integrate mindfulness into your day. Whatever you’re doing, pause and focus on your breath. Ask yourself: what are five things I’m grateful for in my life right now? Your five items can be anything from having a roof over your head to having a job, your partner, or your health. Or you can be grateful for a comfortable chair or clean sheets! Chose anything that makes you feel good at that very moment. Taking a hot shower, most people in the world do not get to take hot showers. 

Choosing gratitude and contentment doesn’t mean being stagnant or giving up. It means stepping aside from judgment and freeing yourself from the bonds of negativity.

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