“Depression” is the Fourth of the Five Stages of Grief that were created by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. This stage involves a sincere acknowledgment of the loss and a profound sadness because of it.

However, the depression stage can manifest itself in several ways. So, let’s go over what might happen when you enter into the “depression” stage.

Why Anger & Bargaining Turns to Depression

If you noticed the progression of the stages thus far, you’re beginning at a stage of complete denial and eventually leading yourself toward feeling your genuine emotions. So, you go from being angry about the loss to begging for a little more time.

Once you realize that no amount of begging will bring your loved one or relationship back, you begin to feel the sadness of knowing things won’t be the way they once were. That’s where depression rears its ugly head.

In this stage, you’ve come to terms with the fact that these changes or losses are really occurring and that there’s absolutely nothing that you can do about it. In actuality, all you can do is cope with your emotions.

What to Expect

You’ll probably spend a lot of time wondering what’s the point of even continuing with your life after this loss. After all, a significant part of your life was stolen from you, and you don’t know if you’ll ever fully recover.

Here’s what you might experience when you’re in the depression stage.

• Inability to sleep despite feeling extremely tired or fatigued
• Appetite changes, whether you’re eating to cope or just avoiding food altogether
• Lack of control of your emotions, including crying and anger
• A sense of loneliness
• A lingering sense of anxiety

Though we can’t put a timeline on each stage of grief, the depression stage does tend to last the longest. At the same time, it’s practically the last stage of grief, as the next stage would be acceptance and returning to your everyday life.

When the Depression Stage Becomes Actual Depression

Even though the depression stage is a completely normal stage of grief, there’s a point at which it becomes something more severe. We’re talking about when depression from grief becomes an actual mental health condition.

So, how do you know whether your depression stage is clinical depression? Well, the depression tends to stick around a little longer than it usually would.

While those around you are slowly moving on with their lives and returning to normal, you’re still engulfed in the sadness and unable to function as normal.

Some other effects might become a little more severe, including….

• Suicidal thoughts or just thinking about ending it all
• Sleeping much longer than usual and have a hard time getting out of bed
• Developing regret or guilt for things you did or didn’t do
• Lack of enjoyment of activities or hobbies you once loved
• Slacking on hygiene like showering, shaving, or cleaning the house

When you notice that your grief is lasting a little too long and that you’re in a downward spiral, it’s vital that you reach out for help and find professional health.

Final Thoughts

The depression stage is the last intense phase of the grieving process, but it begs to be felt. But, it also tends to be the longest stage of grief, so don’t be surprised if you have a low mood and intense sadness for a prolonged period of time.

The best thing you can do is to keep an eye on the depression stage and get professional help if it seems to be turning into clinical depression.

Even though we all experience grief in different and unique ways, the grieving process is generally structured into five main phases. The grief process was first identified by a woman named Elisabeth Kubler Ross in 1969 and has allowed people to understand their emotions and feelings as they go through something very overwhelming. 

These phases may arise in different ways depending on the person and occur in a different order. Before discussing one of the stages, it is crucial to understand that everyone grieves for different periods of time and that no process is set in stone.

What is Bargaining?

The third phase of the grieving process is known as bargaining. When you are experiencing some form of loss, you may feel as if you would do anything in the world to change the situation or get rid of the pain. You are hoping to reverse the outcome of the situation and make things back to the way they were and are willing to lose anything.

When you feel lost and uncertain, the bargaining stage comes into play, and you may try to promise or request something from a higher power. This stage is unique from person to person because it deals with one’s spiritual connection and religious values. This is because you feel hopeless and want to influence and be in control of the situation.

Bargaining with a Higher Power

Bargaining usually involves some form of regret or self-reflection that is then turned into a promise for the future should the situation be reversed. For example, you may make a promise to God that if the outcome changes in some way or if your pain goes away, you will never act a certain way or make someone angry.

Another example is promising to change and improve yourself if the person gets healed from whatever they are going through. Bargaining is a very common form of grief because we often look to a higher power when we feel out of options or overwhelmed. We hope that by connecting with this higher power and proving something of ourselves, that we will no longer have to go through the pain. 

What-If and If-Only Statements

Along with speaking to a higher power in hopes of changing your situation, you are also continually questioning and reflecting on times with that person or the times when things were different. You may figure out ways that you could have controlled the situation or reversed it or may reflect on times where you could have been a better person.

Guilt goes hand-in-hand with bargaining. You question the past constantly in search of ways that things could be different to hold onto times when everything was more normal. This is a form of negotiation that is very common throughout the grieving process because you are left full of uncertainty and are in a state of shock. 

Overcoming Bargaining

It is essential to understand that bargaining is an inevitable part of the grieving process, especially for those who are deeply connected to a higher power or some form of religion. You may feel that if you change a certain aspect of your life or if things could have been different, the situation would be reversed. However, it is important to focus on coping in the present instead of playing out past situations. By focusing on moving forward, you will eventually be able to let go of the past and the regrets or experiences that are out of your control.

“Anger” is the second of the Five Stages of Grief created by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. This is the first time in any stages of the grief process where you’re actually expressing your emotions and acknowledging the loss.

But, “anger” can mean a lot of things and it manifests itself in several different ways. So, let’s go over what to expect when you enter the anger stage.

Why Anger?

If you’re feeling sad because of the loss, why does it tend to show up as anger? Well, it all comes down to covering up your real emotions and hiding your sadness and grief from the outside world.

Think about it, you’re going through a tough time, and you’re overwhelmed with emotions overall. At the same time, you’re angry about the loss and just want to find someone or something to blame for your pain and suffering.

Targeting your anger toward specific people might be unwarranted, but it’ll most likely be your first method of coping with the loss.

What to Expect

You might find yourself angry at just about everyone and everything. It’s quite common to be a little snippy and short with people, even if they mean well and are just trying to lend a listening ear or a helping hand. Lashing out is common too.

Here’s a brief list of the potential sources of your anger.

• Anger at the doctors or nurses for diagnosing your loved one’s medical condition (or not diagnosing it sooner)
• Anger at yourself for not spending enough time with your loved one when they were healthy or alive
• Anger at your loved ones for not understanding your emotions or how you’re affected by the loss
• Anger at your spouse or significant other for breaking up with you or leaving you
• Anger at how the world seems to be ganging up on you and how negative things keep happening to you specifically

Even though you know your anger isn’t rational, it feels as if it is at the time. The most important thing you can do is let others know that you’re struggling with your emotions and that you don’t mean what you’re saying.

Getting Through the Anger

While there’s no good way to rush the grieving process, there are some ways you can limit the effects that your emotions are having on those around you. That’s especially important when you find yourself lashing out at those who don’t deserve it.

First, take some time to yourself and allow yourself to process the loss. Give yourself some space to handle your thoughts and emotions alone first before you begin opening up to those around you.

Find good coping strategies. It’s not okay to take your anger out on other people, so find a healthier way to handle your anger. Intense exercise can help you to burn off some steam while going out into nature might make you feel more relaxed.

The goal isn’t to simply cover up the anger, but instead, find a better method of letting it out.

Final Thoughts

Anger is an unavoidable stage of grief (for the most part), but that doesn’t mean that it has to ruin your relationships with those around you. Remember that there’s nothing that could’ve been done, and hindsight is always 20/20.

Take some time to acknowledge your emotions, but understand that your impulsive anger won’t solve anything in this situation. Do your best to rid yourself of any lingering anger by finding a healthier coping strategy to avoid taking it out on other people.

Grief from losses felt in life, whether death or otherwise is a natural process. To heal from grief is possible and can help protect your emotional and psychological wellbeing.

“Denial” is the first stage of the Five Stages of Grief compiled by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kesler. In essence, this stage occurs when you first hear about the loss and insist that it’s not happening the way it appears.

But, there’s a lot more to this “denial” than what the word implies. So, let’s go over what happens when you’re in the “denial” stage.

What’s Meant by Denial

When a significant loss occurs, your first thought will likely be, “this can’t be happening.” For a little while after that, you might refuse to believe that the loss has occurred (or will occur) and continue life as usual.

It’s not that you don’t believe that the loss has happened, but that you don’t want to believe that it happened. As long as you convince yourself that they’re still alive, that you’re still together, or that you weren’t fired, everything is right with the world.

Avoiding Emotions

When you deny that something traumatic has happened, you’re avoiding any type of emotion that’s typically involved with grief. To the outside world, it might look as if you don’t care about the loss since you’re not showing any type of outward emotion.

By forcing yourself to stay within the denial stage, you’re making yourself more likely to experience delayed grief. So, instead of experiencing the emotions of grief right now, they’ll happen at a later date instead.

That means….

• You might finally begin the grieving process days, weeks, months, or even years later
• Any event or trigger can suddenly ignite the grief without warning
• You’ll still experience the grief at some point
• The suppressed grief will begin to wear away at your emotional and mental states
• You’re only delaying the grief, not wholly avoiding it

The most harmful thing you can do when you’re grieving is avoiding your emotions altogether. So, make it a point to allow yourself to begin and continue through the grieving process to feel some emotions finally.

Slowly Transitioning

Denial is normal, but you’ll eventually find yourself transitioning over to a state of anger. The good news is, it likely won’t hit you out of the blue and at full speed.

Over a few hours, days, or weeks, you’ll eventually start to acknowledge to yourself what’s really going on formally. You’ll realize that the relationship is ending, your loved one is sick, or that you only have a few days left working at your current job.

Once it starts to set in, the emotions will begin to release themselves slowly. You might begin to question how you can continue with your life after such a traumatic and emotionally draining loss.

The important thing is to let yourself feel your emotions as they begin to take over. Remember that, as much as you deny that the loss is indeed happening, it doesn’t mean that it’s not happening.

Final Thoughts

Once a significant loss occurs, you’ll find yourself in a state of complete shock as you begin to dissect the emotions associated with losing someone or something you truly valued. However, this first stage is often void of emotion and leads you to a state of complete denial.

When you’re in the denial stage, you refuse to admit that you’re experiencing the loss or that it’s happening the way it seems to be. Over time, you’ll eventually come to terms with the loss occurring and begin to feel some sort of emotion.

Grief and loss are unavoidable parts of the human experience.

Key Facts About Grief

• Grieving is a process
• The way out of grief is through it
• Grief comes and goes
• It takes time to go through the grief process and that time is highly individualized
• Avoiding the process of grief can lead to serious emotional and psychological issues
• The grief process is highly enhanced with support from others
• By giving oneself time and grace, grief can be processed, and one can move forward in life

The Stages Of Grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first introduced what is now commonly referred to as the Five Stages of Grief. In her 1969 work, On Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross outlined these five stages as representing the feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy based on her many years of work with terminally ill cancer patients.

The stages she outlined were: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Denial 

The initial stage outlined in Kubler-Ross’ process is denial. Denial is typically characterized by shock and numbness. The psyche develops a protective mechanism that initially causes the impacted individual to respond in disbelief (Kubler Ross stages of grief, n.d.). This helps us process what is happening by slowing the onset of our understanding, thereby allowing us to pace our emotions gradually over time (Kessler, 2013). 

Anger

Anger is the second stage of the Kubler-Ross model. Once the reality of what has happened sinks in, shock and numbness become replaced by rage and resentment. Though displayed as anger, this is genuinely just displaced pain. As the psyche tries to find a rationale for why the loss took place, in the initial stages, often there aren’t logical/acceptable answers. This lack of sense causes hurt, which we experience and project as anger (Kubler Ross stages of grief. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.journey-through-grief.com/kubler-ross-stages-of-grief.html).

Bargaining

The third phase of the Kubler-Ross stages of grief is bargaining. This stage involves going to a higher power and mostly trying to bargain for the return of whatever is lost or in the process of being lost. 

An example might include asking God to save the life of a loved one pronounced brain dead or trying to make a deal with a boss to get a job back after just being fired. Bargaining can also be experienced as thinking in “what if” or “if only” terms. For instance, “What if I had done this?” or “If only I had done that.” This stems from a desire to return to a life before the loss, so one focuses on scenarios that could have potentially prevented the loss from occurring. 

Depression 

Depression is the fourth stage of the Kubler-Ross model. This stage involves the realization that the loss is going to take place. Its characterized by deep sadness and sorrow regarding the loss. 

The length of this stage varies from person to person, and its duration and severity are heavily influenced by the type of loss experienced (i.e., physical, social, job, etc.). For some, this stage lasts days or weeks, while others can experience this stage for weeks or months.

Acceptance 

The final stage of the Kubler-Ross model is acceptance. Acceptance is simply the realization and acknowledgment that the loss has occurred and is reality. This is not to be confused with the belief that a person agrees with the loss that has taken place; this simply means there is a realization that nothing can be done to change the outcome. Thus, the focus can be shifted towards moving forward versus trying to go back or getting stuck in the loss.

Grief Is A Process 

The process of grieving after a loss is just that, a process. It takes time to go through each of the stages outlined in the Kubler-Ross model, and there should be no pressure to rush through .these stages 

Individuals should take their time to experience the emotions and stages in their entirety so they can completely and wholly grieve and heal from the experienced loss. By giving oneself time and grace, grief can be processed, and one can move forward in life.

References:

Johnson, P. (2007, February 1). Coping with death and grief. Retrieved from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/coping-with-death-and-grief/ 

Kessler, D. (2013, October 15). Five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. Retrieved from https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ 

Kubler Ross stages of grief. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.journey-through-grief.com/kubler-ross-stages-of-grief.html

“Nobody else can involve you in difficulty or limitation. Neither parents, nor wives, nor husband, nor employers, nor poverty, nor ignorance, nor any power whatever can keep you out of your own when once you have learned how to think.” Emmet Fox (Find & Use Your Inner Power)

Learned is the keyword in his writing. Meaning; (of a person) having much knowledge acquired by study.

Most of our limitation was instilled in us by others. We block most of God's work in our lives because we do not understand the limitations given to us through the sins of our fathers. 

For example, what do you picture when you read "given to us through the sins of our fathers". The word sin has a meaning we did not learn for ourselves. We were taught the meaning of this word from the limitations of our fathers and never question it. The word "father" you probably think of your father, grandfather, and down through your linage. Maybe "father" is someone in a teaching role.

To learn I needed to first unlearn.

Grief is an entirely natural part of being a human being. At one point or another, every person alive will experience this emotion in their lifetime. Grief is a bit different than simply feeling sad or upset. It is a much stronger experience usually brought about by a dramatic life change, such as the death of a loved one or an unexpected diagnosis.

While everyone experiences grief, the way it manifests from person to person almost always varies. We are all unique individuals going through life with wildly different perspectives. However, there are responses to grief that are either healthy or unhealthy, regardless of who is experiencing them. 

In this article, we will discuss a few healthy and unhealthy responses to grief so that you are more aware of how you or someone in your life is handling a difficult place in life.

Healthy Responses

• Allowing Yourself Enough Time To Heal

Given that grief is caused by traumatic life experience, it is crazy to think that getting through the process should be quick. Pretending like everything is okay and back to normal, feeling as if you should have gotten over it by now is nonsense. If you are in the grieving process, be kind to yourself. Realize that there is no set timeframe for your situation. This also goes for dealing with someone in your life going through a similar ordeal.

• Distinguishing Between Alone Time & Isolation
  

It is normal to want to be alone more than usual when experiencing grief. Being alone is a healthy way to gather your thoughts and sort things out mentally. However, extended periods of isolation in which you shut yourself off to the outside world entirely, not the right decision. 

As humans, we are social creatures, and this includes dealing with difficult emotional situations. Giving yourself or someone you know time alone during the grief process is healthy as long as this does not turn into complete isolation. 

• Feel Safe To Vent
  

Grief is one of the strongest emotions that a person can feel. Therefore, there is often a considerable buildup of emotional tension that, if kept bottled up, can be extremely detrimental moving forward. It is essential to understand that venting is okay, as long as it is not harmful to you or anyone else.

If you need the ear of someone close to you to pour your heart out, let them know. If punching your pillow for half an hour gives you a bit of peace, knock it out. Emotions of this magnitude must not be suppressed. 

Unhealthy Responses

• Chronic Denial

Although denial is somewhat common in the early stages of the grieving process, this becomes unhealthy in a chronic state. In an attempt to protect itself, the mind will often try to block the traumatic event, forming a sort of fantasy in which it never happened. Among other things, chronic denial inhibits the healing process. When a person never accepts whatever terrible thing has happened, a vicious cycle occurs that never allows any resolution.

• Risk-Taking Behavior
  

It is somewhat common for a person to engage in uncharacteristically risky behavior when dealing with grief. Whether to vent, suppress the hurt, or forget what has happened, the individual may turn to external coping mechanisms such as drugs, alcohol, or life-threatening acts. Why this is an unhealthy response needs no explanation.

However, it is crucial that if you are experiencing this behavior that you seek help. 

• Excessive Guilt
  

When referring to excessive guilt, we are not talking about a situation in which you are grieving something for which you are responsible for. That is an entirely different animal. Instead, many people feel a sense of unwarranted guilt for a traumatic situation.

They feel like they could have done more to prevent it or like they may have been an underlying cause of the event. This response not only hinders the healing process, but it also takes an immense toll on a person’s emotional and physical health.

While the question posed by the title of this article may seem obvious, grief is a particularly interesting emotion. We all know that it is caused by an extremely unfortunate life event, such as the death of a loved one or a negative change of some sort, but pinning down an actual definition that sufficiently describes grief is not a simple task.

It is easy to see how grief is commonly used as a synonym for other emotions such as sadness, hurt, and frustration. Although there are similarities between these emotions, grief is an experience very unique to itself.  

First of all, the times in life when a person truly experiences grief are not fleeting moments that quickly fade away. People will always remember the periods in their life that were so upsetting and painful that they felt the real emotional discourse that grief entails.

On the other hand, feeling sad is a fairly common occurrence for the majority of individuals. Most of the time, sadness is resolved rather quickly, coming and going without any lasting changes to life. With sadness, there doesn’t tend to be a process for working through the situation. This is the same for other emotions often associated with grief, like hurt and frustration.

Grief is not a passing feeling that someone experiences for a moment or even a day, an experience that is forgotten as soon as the next emotion experienced takes its place. You are probably familiar with the term, “grieving process,” and this term describes what this emotion is a process. 

There are multiple stages of the grieving process that people tend to go through, although the order and duration of these stages almost always vary according to the individual. What is universal, however, is that reaching a state of healing after an event monumental enough to cause genuine grief takes time, sometimes a lot of it.

Another unique aspect of grief is that, unlike weaker negative emotions, unresolved grief can very easily disrupt a person’s entire life. For example, we have all heard of people becoming completely derailed after a tragic event.

This can look like substance abuse, wildly uncharacteristic behavior, isolation from the outside world, and complete loss of interest in hobbies and activities. Getting upset at a rude comment or becoming frustrated at a boss or colleague doesn’t possess nearly this much power.

Given that grief most certainly can become a detriment to an individual’s life far down the road, those experiencing it must be allowed to sufficient time to work through the process. 

Furthermore, dealing with grief alone is very difficult, if not impossible, to accomplish. Whether experiencing this emotion personally or being aware that someone else is going through it, being surrounded by those who care is critical, some feelings are too intense to be dealt with alone. 

Although odd, grief can also be a series of conflicting emotions. The death of a loved one is extremely saddening, whereas the knowledge that they are no longer experiencing the pain and suffering that went on for a long time due to a terminal disease can be comforting.

Moving out of a home filled with years of fond memories and leaving behind a familiar city can certainly feel tragic, but the excitement of a new job, new school, or new opportunities can ease much of the pain. Grief is an extremely complex emotional experience. 

So, what is grief?

Grief is a lot of things coinciding. It is deep sadness, loss, and hurt blended with release, newness, and resolve. Trying to place a concrete definition on such a strong emotion deprives the individual experiencing it the validation required to work through it.

During these trying times, we are all grieving in different ways. People are experiencing tremendous losses, and many feel like they are grieving alone. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a job, or the feeling of structure and routine, a loss is present for nearly everyone.

High school and college students do not get to experience the graduation ceremony they have awaited, and rituals and gatherings are postponed indefinitely. During these times more than ever, it is essential to be supportive and reach out to your loved ones, and below are a few ways to do so.

1. Stay in Contact

During times like these, we all feel somewhat isolated and separated from some of our loved ones or friends. By reaching out with a phone call, text, or even a handwritten letter, you can make this person feel supported and connected. Keeping up with your loved ones and those who are grieving around you is crucial when there is a loss of human interaction.

2. Refrain from Comparison

When talking through difficult conversations like death or other forms of losses, it may be easy to relate it to yourself to make the other person feel like they are not alone. However, this comparison can make them feel like their emotions are invalid and not understood. Rather than comparing their loss to yours, listen to what they are going through and be there for emotional support.

This allows them to express their emotions, and sometimes just talking about the situation rather than keeping it bottled up can help improve their situation.

3. Assist with meals

When someone is grieving a loss, it can be hard to get off of the couch or out of bed to cook a meal. By going to the grocery store for them and preparing food for them, this can improve their day significantly and show them how much you support them.

When someone experiences a loss, their whole routine will feel out of line, and it will take time to adjust, so anything you can do to keep their routine moving will be greatly appreciated.

4. Listen 

Although there are many ways to show your support for loved ones who are grieving, one of the most important things to do is just be there with open ears. Even though it may seem like the person needs advice, they often just need a place to let out what is going through their head and feel like they have someone there for support.

Unless asked for advice, the best thing to do is acknowledge their feelings and let them know that what they are going through is very typical during a loss.

5. Avoid Judgement

Since everyone grieves in different ways, it may take your loved one a lot longer to adjust emotionally and mentally than you would expect. Instead of judging them and wishing that they would be back to normal, you need to let them adjust.

Especially during difficult and unpredictable times like these, someone may be grieving over something that you may not think is a big deal in comparison to other events going on. However, judging the situation and providing these types of opinions will only hurt the other person and make their feelings seem invalid.

There are many different ways to be supportive in times of grief, and these different solutions will vary based on the situation and what the other person is going through. It is essential to recognize that during times like these, people may be grieving things that stray from the norm, but being there for them and reaching out for support will help them in more ways than you could imagine.

“Personal criticism is one of the dead weights that hold us in limitation. The sole reason why some people do not get their healing, or find their True Place in life, is that they constantly indulge in personal criticism – mental, if not spoken.” Emmet Fox (Sparks of Truth)

Personal criticism starts with "I could have done better".

Well-meaning adults drilled "You could have done better" into us from our birth. This is the biggest lie we were ever told. It is impossible to have done better. We did not have the knowledge or it was not part of our heart's desire.

Without those two things, you can not have done better. The bible tells us the sins of the father will be passed down to 5 generations. Today I look at what I have done and decide if I would like a different outcome I need to educate myself and Golden Key the action I wish to change. With sufficient learning and prayer, I will demonstrate my desired result.

Forgive yourself for the seeming deficiency. Remember attention was focused on our mistakes. In school, every mistake got a big "Red" checkmark. Any other mark was in regular ink. There was never a purple or green mark for doing it "right". There was no celebration, only move on to the next task. 

It is not surprising that we criticize ourselves. It was drilled into ourselves from our home, schools, and the pulpit. 

We rush from task to task, making a daily concerted effort to complete something. Often, it feels as though you're trying to run up the down escalator. We speed along to the next thing, always in a rush to get it over with, to race to the next thing. Rarely do we reach what we consider to be our final destination. When we do manage it, we look around at the chaos we created and realize that it was all down to us. 

We are stressed out, completely exhausted by the daily grind. We never have enough time for the things we truly value or what we'd like to be doing. It might feel like there's no other choice, but the reality of the matter is that it doesn't need to be this way. You can live a simple life or at least simpler. You can enjoy life; you can find serenity instead of rushing from thing to thing. 

Everyone wants serenity. This elusive state that we are convinced only monks can achieve. Serenity makes you better equipped to handle life. You become more adept at handling problems. Once upon a time, something that seemed like a massive catastrophe is merely a small issue. 

You can react with clear, steady thinking. It's impossible to achieve this without effort. To become a serene person and live a calm life, you must build positive mental habits to create a peaceful mind. You need to eat well and exercise to support a healthy body. 

Simplify Life 

You can go Marie Kondo and toss everything that doesn't spark joy in your life. However, simplifying your life doesn't necessarily mean weighing up only material items. Look at your life. Are there things you're obsessed with? Do you have too much stuff? So much that it's packed away because you don't know what else to do with it? Do you have a nasty shopping habit, even though you don't need stuff?

This isn't about throwing everything away. It's about building a healthy relationship with material wealth and possessions.

Ego 

Your ego can create havoc. It's always trying to prove you're better than everyone else. It judges, it compares, and it's exhausting. Try to pay more attention to it in action. You will see a difference between what you want to do versus what your ego suggests you do. Are you chasing a goal or a dream because it's what you want or because it feels like it's what you should want? The latter isn't going to help you find serenity. 

Let Go  

The anger and resentment you carry with you makes life heavy. You are going to experience disappointment because people will always let you down. It's natural. You can't influence the hurt they cause; you can only change your response to the pain they cause. It's time to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the hurt is misguided versus intentional. It's an essential aspect of finding serenity. 

Mindfulness & Compassion

To find true serenity, you need to be mindful of your emotions, actions, and thoughts. Be conscious about what you say, how you act, how you feel, and what you think. Self-observation will help you understand yourself better, and meditation will help you transform yourself. Pay attention to your intentions and be willing to get to know yourself on a deeper level.

Compassion is something that you should extend to yourself as well as to others. Judge yourself less, be kind to yourself, revel in joy. Forgive, forget, practice compassion, and move forward. That is what it means to live a serene life and be peaceful.

Everyone has dreams and goals. However, not everybody lives their dream. Such is the reality of life, but it does not have to be a reality for you. Believe it or not, you have greatness in you. We all do because the ability to realize our full potential is directly powered by our attitude and the way we handle ourselves in front of adversities. Every so often you will hear someone say "I did not make it because the deck was stacked against me…" – that is an excuse, but it is not true.

Most people fail to achieve their greatness not because life handed them a lousy hand, but simply because they adopted the wrong attitude.

In the words of Les Brown, "Just because fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up." When you speak the right words and cultivate a different mindset, you can reach your desired altitude regardless of the circumstances.

The way by which we operate as humans is a manifestation of what we believe is possible for us. It begins with the words that you say with your lips. These are a representation of what you believe with your heart. This belief acts on the subconscious mind and transforms into a series of behavioral patterns that form your attitude. People with the right attitude react positively to whatever life throws at them. For some, it can take a while, but with consistency, they do manage to overcome their adversities. Often, when you overcome your difficulties, you achieve great heights, higher than you could have imagined for yourself.

Oprah Winfrey faced a lot of adversities in her life. Before she became the Oprah that everyone in the world knows and adores now, she was an 'ordinary' woman. She went through the highest forms of body shaming and abuse, racial abuse and was even sexually abused by some members of her family. She never let all this get in the way of her dreams and goals. She turned each adversity thrown at her, into a personal triumph and developed the attitude of a winner. With a great attitude and tenacity, Oprah Winfrey managed to excel in everything she did. She graduated high school as an honors student, earned a full scholarship to college, rose through the ranks of television to become a global personality that everyone looks up to.

That is the kind of attitude that one must adopt to reach the summits. It begins by changing the way you speak about yourself and then changing the way you react to events, whether good or bad. If you genuinely want to live your dreams, you must confess with your mouth that it is "POSSIBLE" and believe with your heart that indeed you have greatness within you. You must be relentless in your approach and refuse to lose momentum in your pursuit of success.

J.K. Rowling, a well-known author, went through many disappointments before she managed to sell her first novel. While recovering from a divorce, Rowling was surviving on government aid with barely enough to feed her baby. She could not afford to buy a computer or to foot the cost of photocopying her first book. She did not let these challenges stop her. Instead, she sat down and typed with her own hands, each copy that she sent to potential publishers. Even then, many publishers rejected her manuscript. However, she did not allow those rejections to stop her from reaching her desired goal. She persisted until an eight-year-old girl, daughter of CEO to a small publishing company called Bloomsbury, gave her a breakthrough.

We can all reach our desired goal if we try relentlessly- The key is adopting the right attitude and encourage yourself to keep going after your dreams. Remember, the words you choose to say or write, translate into an attitude which then enables or disables your ability to go after your dreams. Choose carefully the words you focus on because what you focus on, expands into your reality.

If you choose to focus on negative words, it will only hinder your progress and prevent you from reaching your desired goal. So choose to focus on positive words and unlock your growth to achieve your desired goal!

Do you remember the dreams you had when you were young? Those ambitious aspirations about a rich, powerful, and exciting lifestyle you often imagined? Do you remember being sure you would one day attain them? Maybe you would even tell people about them without any hesitation, or perhaps they were so big you preferred keeping them to yourself to avoid being discouraged by those who thought they were unattainable. That life you saw back then was the abundant life you knew you were destined to live.

Maybe as a child, you didn’t dare dream so big because you just didn’t have anyone to model it for you. Then you grew up and discovered you could become so much more than you had ever believed you could be. Your dream came alive, and you began to see yourself in high places, doing mighty things, and rubbing shoulders with exceptional people.

Either way, you know them deep in your heart: your wildest dreams. Perhaps you still think of them once in a while, a flicker of hope comes up inside of you for a moment. You know in detail where you should be, but what is keeping you from getting there? What is preventing you from living your best life?

Own your dreams and have your carefully marked scale to measure your achievements. Do not compare yourself with anyone but relentlessly go for your set goals. Many people may advise you to be grateful for what you have already, but if you know that is only, but the tip of the iceberg for you, then don’t stop. Keep on going until you reach your predetermined destination. If you get there and find out it is not exactly what you thought it would be, put on your walking shoes again and continue the quest.

Gratitude is good every step of the way because it keeps you positive and somehow opens up more opportunities for good things to keep happening to you. You also get to enjoy the journey despite challenges on the way if you have an attitude of gratitude. If, however, gratitude becomes all you have, then you risk being caught up in limitation and settling for a half-full life. By all means, celebrate your mini victories leading you to your macro-goal, but don’t be caught up in them so much you end up comfortable before you have arrived at your destination.

Let the words of your mouth be progress-oriented. At every stage, it is essential to look back and see how far you’ve come just to appreciate your blessings and achievements, but what is more important is to look ahead and gear up for where you are headed and be as clear as day about your final destination. It doesn’t matter if it takes years or decades and many detours on the way. As long as you arrive at the pinnacle of your life, using the right words, you will taste the sweet victory. Oh, and try to enjoy this transformative journey as well- this is what makes it memorable!

You have the power to grow your relationships, save them, or break them beyond repair by the words that come out of your mouth. You are where you are today because of what you have said in the past. You are what you are today because of the kind of words you allow to exit your mouth. That statement may seem too harsh or far fetched, but the truth is that words have the power to shape your present as well as your future.

Your words can shape your financial life, physical wellbeing as well as academic life. Your words can turn your spouse, child, or friend into an exceptional individual. Your words also have the power to send your loved ones through depression and a mountain of regrets. James 3:6 “ The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire,”- places a lot of emphasis on how much damage the tongue can accomplish despite being little.

You can change any situation with your words

If your loved ones are battling with their “inability” to accomplish anything worthwhile, you can help turn that around by saying the right words. Your words of encouragement and assurance have the power to transform your child’s bad grades into straight As. Your words have the power of turning your spouse into a productive and considerate partner. It all begins with you believing they can change. Once you are convinced of that possibility, you can start expressing your conviction in words.

If you are finding it hard to convince yourself that your 10-year stressful marriage or your underachieving child can amount to anything, say the right words anyway. As you continue expressing the right words not only to yourself but your loved ones, you will start noticing positive changes.

Using words to get the best from your employees

If you are an employer or supervisor and you are struggling with unproductive employees, it may be because of how you make them feel around the office. The only way to have incomparable employees who get everything done on time is by creating an environment conducive to such possibilities. You can only accomplish that by being mindful of what you say. You cannot say things like “you are incompetent” or “hiring you was the worst mistake I ever made” and expect positive results.

The impact that such negative words have on your worker’s mental wellbeing is catastrophic. Even if they were doing their level best, the results would never show. Expressing such negativity causes your employee to doubt himself or herself. They become overwhelmed with feelings of incompetence, and once that kicks in, there is no way of achieving anything worth noticing.

You can only be a happy employer by having happy employees, and you can only have happy employees by appreciating their worth. Begin using encouraging words that show how much faith you have in your workers. Talk about how proud you are to have them on your team. Replace all the negative talk with words like “I can always count on you” or “I know you can meet the goal and do so right on time.” Words of encouragement will not only show your employees that you believe in them, but it will also make them proud of the fact that you are their employer.

Practice using words to change the lives of people around you

You may have tried many methods to get your child or spouse to open up or become a better person to no avail. Why not try words?

If you still doubt the power of words and what they can accomplish, try putting the right words to the test. Better yet, try looking at what some of the greatest and most influential people in the world have accomplished with words. Take into consideration the impact that motivational speakers have on people’s lives. Study the way world leaders shape the world and avoid wars by taking advantage of the power of words.

Bringing it closer home, start complimenting the productivity and excellence in your child’s life today and see how far that will get them. Make it a point to say encouraging and assuring words to your child every morning, and every time he or she comes to you with a problem. Focus on “you are creative ” and “you can become anything you want,” for the next six months and see the kind of influence you will have in your child’s life. Celebrate the accomplishments, no matter how small. They will build on achievements and try greater things.

Do you genuinely believe that you are a success or at least one in the making? If you do, then your words should testify to that fact, and there is no doubt that people who listen to you should affirm the same. If you are in this category, your words always sell you out as they are full of hope, faith, and they portray confidence. If you, however, view yourself as a loser, the pattern of your speech follows suit; there is a lot of doubt, lack of faith, pessimism, and dullness in your words.

People can discern how highly you think of yourself

By merely listening to you, other people can gauge to what extent you think you are important as an individual. It is because, on a scale of one to ten, some people pass as twos in terms of importance while some are given eights and nines. An important factor leading to this ‘scaling’ is the quality of words a person says about themselves, in addition to the way they handle themselves i.e., their body language.

“I am doomed” “This is impossible” “I don’t think I will make it” -are all examples of phrases that easily escape the mouths of the unsuccessful more often than they do those of successful people. Such utterances suck the hope out of life and set you up for failure. It is challenging to be creative about formulating a solution when you feel hopeless, so, by all means, avoid words that diminish your hope.

A person who believes in their ability to bounce back from a fall (however painful it may be) would say things like: “This is only a minor setback”; “I will resolve this”; or “It is but a test, I will find a way to pass it!” Their words are a clear indication that they don’t believe they are a victim of life’s circumstances, but instead, they are victors. They have chosen to take life by the horns and find winning ways in all situations.

The decision is yours

Decide today what you want to believe about yourself: a winner, a lover, a grateful person filled with confidence, generosity, and goodness. Once you do that, then begin to choose your words to fit that exceptional description. “But isn’t it easier to first become and then be able to say that you are?” one may ask. The truth is words fuel your image of yourself. If you say it enough times, the energy in you will build up towards creating that picture you insist is yours. Whom you become follows what you confess to be.

We have seen people in positions of authority and wondered how in the world they got there as they are not in our opinions suited for such. These are the tenacious individuals who saw and spoke themselves into high places. When no one else saw the same or would cheer them onto those places, they did it themselves. Anyone of us is well able to do the same if we would focus our energies on it!

A story is told of a gardener who took on an experiment to discover the power of words on plants. He took two similar flowerpots, and each day spoke positive words to one but cursed the other every day. Despite their getting the same conditions: water, sunlight, and air equally after a couple of weeks, he noticed that one was flourishing while the other was drying up from its roots. It is not difficult to guess which one thrived.

If therefore, mere plants can be affected by words, the same applies to the human soul. It is alive and, accordingly, actively responds to words spoken to it, and the good news is that regardless of what people say about you (which may sometimes be discouraging), what finally manifests is what you believe to be true. It is up to you to validate which truths to take on and believe about yourself.

I've been where you are at the point where your life is embattled with chaos, both externally and internally. You're overrun with negative emotions, busy overthinking as you try to juggle your hectic schedule, and all the other stress that has landed on your doorstep.

There is no need to deny it. There is a peaceful place. We all know how draining life can is. Sometimes it seems hopeless. Sometimes you feel helpless. Sometimes it seems as though inner peace is an impossibility. Life is overwhelming! 

Dispel those fears right now because I want to provide you with the practices necessary to turn inner peace into a habit. In no time, it will just be another part of your day. Except this is one you'll look forward to because with it comes serenity.

• Release Control

There is only one thing you have control over in this world, and it's you. You control your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. That's it – not external circumstances, not other people. The only thing you control in those situations is how you respond. It is far more beneficial to your inner peace and happiness to recognize, understand, and remember this. The best thing you can do is let go and focus on you.

• Unconditional Living

Does your mood depend on the conditions in your environment? Your spirit is high as you walk into work because you caught every green light on your commute. Your spirit is low as you walk into work because you caught every red light on your commute. Your children misbehaved, and it tipped you over the edge. Your children did their chores, and it dragged you back from the brink.

Do you see the problem? You're allowing yourself to live conditionally. You are being led by your environment and the behavior of others.

What does it all mean? If you want to find inner peace, you have to stop expending your emotional energy on the conditions around you. Unconditional living simply means that you won't let the conditions of your life influence how you feel.

• Directed Focus

Directed focus is the most powerful aspect of turning inner peace into a habit. Think of sometime in your life when you felt at peace. When you become discontented, recall this time. Now look for gratitude in the situation you are experiencing, choosing what you focus on walks hand-in-hand with the previous point. When you decide to live unconditionally, you are shifting your focus from circumstance to self. While you will still be aware of what's going on around you, you aren't going to focus on all of that noise. You're only going to focus on creating the reality you want to live in.

• Don't People Please

There are two reasons we tend to go out of our way to please others. The first is that we get satisfaction from being helpful. It gives you a little buzz. The second is we are too scared to say no and disappoint someone. The truth of the matter, though, is that people-pleasing just causes resentment, it stresses you out, and you get so busy pouring everything out into others you forget to refill your cup.

You can still help others, but don't break yourself at the expense of others.

The road that you walk to find inner peace will be an exciting journey. You will uncover many truths about yourself, as well as finding out how to handle stressful situations that life throws at you.

A relationship with the universe or a higher power is the one that will help you stay grounded. It's about knowing that everything will work out for you, even if it might not feel or look like it. Meditation is an excellent place to start getting in touch with it.

“Meet each challenge with the realization – God in me is stronger than anything I have to meet. God has given me dominion over my circumstances. Let nothing in your situation frighten you, continue in that vein & you will get further spiritual understanding & you are on your way to a miracle.” Emmet Fox (Diagrams For Living)

This wallet card says it all. When I am talking to someone and they are talking about the strengths of their mountain, I casually suggest they get a bigger God.

I am out of these cards at the moment. If you are interested in getting a few, contact me and I will let you know when I receive a new batch.

Serenity is a state of being calm and at peace. Does it seem as though it is only a luxury afforded to monks and those without the daily struggles of “real” life

It doesn’t have to be. You are genuinely and completely capable of feeling calm and at peace, you have now by implementing a few mental and physical lifestyle habits.

Here are ten ways you can achieve serenity in your mind and your life

1. Practice gratitude every day. Gratitude will allow you to focus on all the things you are happy to have in your life right now. Make a list of 10 things you are grateful for every day for 30 days and see how good it makes you feel.
2. Do your best with what you have while working for what you want- Unfortunately, we can’t always have exactly what we want as soon as we decide we want it. Do you have dreams of living a life different than the one you are because you have responsibilities? Do you dream of traveling the world and working only on your laptop? Go to your day job every day and do your best, then come home and work towards making your dream come true so that you don’t have to choose one or the other and harbor feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction from a life wasted.
3. Practice acceptance…understand that you can not control others. Understanding that you can not control others is the peacemaker. Have you noticed that spending time around certain people because they are manipulative or angry makes you feel a little overwhelmed? Accepting the fact that it is just the way they are and moving on with your day instead of trying to force someone to change will bring you peace.
4. Fill your mind with positive influences – The information you watch on tv and read about affects how one thinks and feels. Have you noticed how bitter and cynical people tend to get when they spend their days watching the news? To achieve serenity, it is essential to fill your mind up with positive words and educational content that expands your mind and leads you closer to a relaxed state.
5. Keep your home organized- It is hard to relax in a place that has clutter and dirty dishes and clothes laying around. Your home should be a place you come to and be able to relax and unwind. Your home should be a reflection of the life and feelings you aspire to have.
6. Eat healthy meals that nourish your body- A healthy mind and body start with food. You can not live a healthy life while filling your body with toxic, addictive, food-like products you get from the standard American diet. Fuel your mind with good food, and you will increase feel-good hormones.
7. Drink plenty of water- Water is the ultimate fuel for our bodies. We can not replace it with wine, coffee, and tea and expect to achieve a relaxed and peaceful state. Does caffeine make you jumpy or irritable? You may need to remove it from your diet altogether to feel relaxed during the day.
8. Spend time outdoors- Take a break throughout your day and go for a nice quiet walk through nature. Humans are creatures meant to be close to nature, yet we are all disconnected from its power and beauty. Go for a walk every day without earbuds or cell phone in your hands and use your senses to enjoy the experience.
9. Surround yourself with people that you enjoy being around- limit your time with drama queens and poor thinkers. While you can’t always eliminate people that bring you down all the time, you can limit the amount of time you spend with them. Allowing yourself ample opportunity to surround yourself with people that inspire you
10. Focus on what you want-Do you live in a town that you feel is sucking the life out you? The more you focus on how much you hate it there, the more you will be put into situations where you are in a place you don’t enjoy. Instead, train your mind to focus only on things and places that you want more of in your life.

Achieving serenity in your mind and your life, can help you enjoy a less chaotic lifestyle and cultivate habits that hold you back from living your best life.

When you hear the word “stillness,” you probably think of the act of physically sitting still without any sounds, movements, or feelings. This is true, in a sense, but stillness also refers to a sense of inner peace and serenity (or calmness).

Because stillness involves the body, mind, and spirit, there are plenty of ways that you can practice stillness and improve your overall mental state. Let’s go over some of the easiest ways that you can practice stillness in your life right now!

1. Take Time to Reflect

How often do you find yourself just going through the motions of life and never looking back? While this is an excellent strategy to avoid harping on the negatives and reliving bad experiences, it also denies you the opportunity to reflect.

One of the best ways to practice stillness is by sitting down and reflecting on past events that have happened to you. Think about things that have happened, ideally happy moments, and think about what they meant to you and how they’ve changed you as a person for the better.

2. Focus on Gratitude and What You’re Thankful For

As humans, we spend a lot of time looking toward the future and continually setting new goals. This is great for advancing yourself as a functioning member of society, but it’s also good to slow down a little and take a look around.

Take the time to think about what you do have currently in your life. This could be friends, family, physical items, and experiences you’ve had. Just focus on the positives that have happened in your life and identify what you’re thankful for and jot them down in a gratitude journal.

3. Just “Be”

How often do you just merely “exist” as a human? We’re talking about just sitting or lying there, not doing, not thinking busy stuff, anything that’s going on in your life, and not distracted by your phone or other technology.

Take time just to relax and do nothing. You can do it in your home or at your favorite place, but only focus on breathing, passing by any negative thoughts that might be lingering, and just work on the concept of existing.

4. Try Meditation

It’s hard to go a minute in your life without being stressed by something, let alone being stress-free for an hour or more. Therefore, it’s a great idea to proactively rid your mind of the stress you’re experiencing, at least for a little while.

Find a comfortable spot and play some soft music or a guided meditation track. Focus on taking deep breaths, clearing your mind of any lingering stress.

5. Explore the World

When was the last time you went any further than 30 minutes away from the house (and not to go to work or the department store)? Now, think about the last time you went off the beaten path and explored nature a little bit.

You don’t have to go on a road trip or go anywhere further than the local hiking trails at the park. But, spend a little time engulfing yourself in the beauty of the world around you, and you’ll begin to recognize that there’s much more to life than your little world.

Final Thoughts

When you begin to practice stillness in your life actively, you’ll start to notice that you feel much calmer than you usually do. It takes a little bit of time and effort on your part, but this is honestly one of the best ways to achieve a sense of inner peace. My book on Gratitude will help you practice stillness. Use the link below to purchase my book.

Okay, so besides the typical day to day hustle and immense stress of daily living in the modern world, we now have a pandemic to contend with.

Unfortunately, dealing with anxiety has become somewhat of a normal part of life for many individuals in the world today. Although this problem is not necessarily a new phenomenon, there are certain aspects of modern times that have served to exacerbate the issue.

Due to our world being so connected through the internet, social media, and other forms of media, people today are not only exposed to the issues in their immediate environment. Instead, we are shown all of the bad things taking place across the entire globe. Furthermore, we are expected to juggle so many more responsibilities at one time, all while being as productive as possible. 

Although anxiety certainly varies in intensity and frequency from person to person, there are a few ways to deal with the problem that is beneficial for anyone experiencing this issue. This article intends to discuss a few of these techniques in order to alleviate some of your anxiety, hopefully improving your overall quality of life.

Live In The Moment 

Although it may seem obvious when stated, the only point in time in which you will EVER exist is right now. Ironically, most of us dedicate the bulk of our mental energy to the past or future. Anxiety is great at causing us to replay past mistakes in our head and constantly worry about things that have yet to occur.

A big part of dealing with anxiety is to live in the moment. This means focusing all of your physical and mental energy on what is going on right now. Not only does this simplify life, but it also allows you to get the most out of your limited time. 

Trying to deal with your entire past and future on a constant basis makes it virtually impossible to appreciate what is right in front of you. 

Control What You Can Control

The truth is, many of the issues causing anxiety in your life are beyond your control. This includes global and community issues as well as problems in your personal life.

What you need to realize is that the weight of the world is NOT on your shoulders, even though it can certainly seem like it at times. Anxiety tells you that you should be worried about solving problems that are way out of your hands. 

In reality, focusing on the issues that you can resolve is a much healthier response to a problem-filled world.

It’s Okay To Not Feel Okay

Another side effect of anxiety is a feeling of isolation. People experiencing anxiety on a routine basis tend to feel like they are the only ones dealing with this issue. 

Because of this perspective, we often feel like everyone else is much happier than we are like. We won’t be accepted if anyone else knew the extent of our anxiety. It is so important to realize that this is far from the truth. 

Everyone around you is experiencing some degree of anxiety or mental hang up. You are far from alone. Don’t feel like you have to go through life, acting as if everything is okay when it isn’t.

Get Help If You Need It 

Finally, if your anxiety is something you are having trouble dealing with on your own, then don’t! There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help for this issue. Ironically, our society welcomes getting help for even minor physical ailments but acts as if doing the same for a serious mental problem is taboo.

Consider this; if you had the flu, you would most certainly seek the appropriate doctor to take care of it. Why would you not find a doctor that is trained in alleviating mental health issues if you are dealing with anxiety? There is help out there. Get it if you need it!