Blog

“Acceptance” is the last of the Five Stages of Grief developed by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. In short, the stage signifies the end of the grieving process and typically allows a person to return to their normal life.

Yet, there’s quite a significant misconception about this stage. So, let’s go over what the “acceptance” stage entails.

Misconception About the Acceptance Stage

Many people assume that the term “acceptance” in this case means that you’re okay with the loss. Yet, that’s not exactly true. Acceptance simply means that you’ve acknowledged that the loss will occur or has occurred.

Once you reach this final stage, you’ll likely experience a wave of calmness or peace. At that point, you’re ready to continue with your life and develop what you consider to be a new sense of normal.

Because of this misconception, others who are handling the same loss might feel you didn’t care all that much. After all, they might begin to wonder why you were able to move past the loss so quickly while they’re still struggling.

Don’t feel guilty about reaching the acceptance stage, especially if you reach it before somebody else who’s also experiencing the loss. Everybody grieves differently, and there’s no timeline on grief.

Creating a “New Life”

Now that you’ve come to terms with the loss, your life will forever be impacted. After all, you can’t expect to return to your pre-loss life without experiencing at least a few minor changes.

So, your new life might entail….

• Getting used to waking up alone or not having a person to reside with if your spouse passed away or you’ve gotten divorced
• Getting used to your new limitations and asking for help if you’ve recently been diagnosed with a medical condition or disability
• Getting used to building new friendships and connections after one of your most important friendships ends
• Getting used to working for a new company or performing different tasks if you’ve lost your beloved job

A lot of it comes down to being comfortable adjusting to the new changes after the loss. It might take a while reaching this stage, but this stage allows you the chance to work through the grief and move on with your life.

Shifting Your Perspective

When you reach this stage, you’re most likely going to notice that your perspective is permanently altered. Rather than thinking about your lost loved one or the tragic loss, you might find yourself reminiscing about happy memories (or positive aspects) instead.

So, instead of thinking about how stressful their last few days were, you might begin to feel thankful that you were able to spend their last few days on Earth with them.

If you’ve gotten divorced, you might conclude that the relationship was toxic and that moving on is best for your emotional and mental health.

When a job or career path comes to an end, a new door will open to an even better employment opportunity that fits your strengths better.

Final Thoughts

The acceptance stage is perhaps the most important stage of grief, but not all people will be able to reach it. It takes a lot of time and emotional anguish to experience the acceptance stage.

You’ll know you’ve reached this stage when you slowly begin to return to normal life without having the grief hold you back. Your perspective will be shifted, and you’ll experience the grief through a new lens: A more positive one.

“Depression” is the Fourth of the Five Stages of Grief that were created by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. This stage involves a sincere acknowledgment of the loss and a profound sadness because of it.

However, the depression stage can manifest itself in several ways. So, let’s go over what might happen when you enter into the “depression” stage.

Why Anger & Bargaining Turns to Depression

If you noticed the progression of the stages thus far, you’re beginning at a stage of complete denial and eventually leading yourself toward feeling your genuine emotions. So, you go from being angry about the loss to begging for a little more time.

Once you realize that no amount of begging will bring your loved one or relationship back, you begin to feel the sadness of knowing things won’t be the way they once were. That’s where depression rears its ugly head.

In this stage, you’ve come to terms with the fact that these changes or losses are really occurring and that there’s absolutely nothing that you can do about it. In actuality, all you can do is cope with your emotions.

What to Expect

You’ll probably spend a lot of time wondering what’s the point of even continuing with your life after this loss. After all, a significant part of your life was stolen from you, and you don’t know if you’ll ever fully recover.

Here’s what you might experience when you’re in the depression stage.

• Inability to sleep despite feeling extremely tired or fatigued
• Appetite changes, whether you’re eating to cope or just avoiding food altogether
• Lack of control of your emotions, including crying and anger
• A sense of loneliness
• A lingering sense of anxiety

Though we can’t put a timeline on each stage of grief, the depression stage does tend to last the longest. At the same time, it’s practically the last stage of grief, as the next stage would be acceptance and returning to your everyday life.

When the Depression Stage Becomes Actual Depression

Even though the depression stage is a completely normal stage of grief, there’s a point at which it becomes something more severe. We’re talking about when depression from grief becomes an actual mental health condition.

So, how do you know whether your depression stage is clinical depression? Well, the depression tends to stick around a little longer than it usually would.

While those around you are slowly moving on with their lives and returning to normal, you’re still engulfed in the sadness and unable to function as normal.

Some other effects might become a little more severe, including….

• Suicidal thoughts or just thinking about ending it all
• Sleeping much longer than usual and have a hard time getting out of bed
• Developing regret or guilt for things you did or didn’t do
• Lack of enjoyment of activities or hobbies you once loved
• Slacking on hygiene like showering, shaving, or cleaning the house

When you notice that your grief is lasting a little too long and that you’re in a downward spiral, it’s vital that you reach out for help and find professional health.

Final Thoughts

The depression stage is the last intense phase of the grieving process, but it begs to be felt. But, it also tends to be the longest stage of grief, so don’t be surprised if you have a low mood and intense sadness for a prolonged period of time.

The best thing you can do is to keep an eye on the depression stage and get professional help if it seems to be turning into clinical depression.

Even though we all experience grief in different and unique ways, the grieving process is generally structured into five main phases. The grief process was first identified by a woman named Elisabeth Kubler Ross in 1969 and has allowed people to understand their emotions and feelings as they go through something very overwhelming. 

These phases may arise in different ways depending on the person and occur in a different order. Before discussing one of the stages, it is crucial to understand that everyone grieves for different periods of time and that no process is set in stone.

What is Bargaining?

The third phase of the grieving process is known as bargaining. When you are experiencing some form of loss, you may feel as if you would do anything in the world to change the situation or get rid of the pain. You are hoping to reverse the outcome of the situation and make things back to the way they were and are willing to lose anything.

When you feel lost and uncertain, the bargaining stage comes into play, and you may try to promise or request something from a higher power. This stage is unique from person to person because it deals with one’s spiritual connection and religious values. This is because you feel hopeless and want to influence and be in control of the situation.

Bargaining with a Higher Power

Bargaining usually involves some form of regret or self-reflection that is then turned into a promise for the future should the situation be reversed. For example, you may make a promise to God that if the outcome changes in some way or if your pain goes away, you will never act a certain way or make someone angry.

Another example is promising to change and improve yourself if the person gets healed from whatever they are going through. Bargaining is a very common form of grief because we often look to a higher power when we feel out of options or overwhelmed. We hope that by connecting with this higher power and proving something of ourselves, that we will no longer have to go through the pain. 

What-If and If-Only Statements

Along with speaking to a higher power in hopes of changing your situation, you are also continually questioning and reflecting on times with that person or the times when things were different. You may figure out ways that you could have controlled the situation or reversed it or may reflect on times where you could have been a better person.

Guilt goes hand-in-hand with bargaining. You question the past constantly in search of ways that things could be different to hold onto times when everything was more normal. This is a form of negotiation that is very common throughout the grieving process because you are left full of uncertainty and are in a state of shock. 

Overcoming Bargaining

It is essential to understand that bargaining is an inevitable part of the grieving process, especially for those who are deeply connected to a higher power or some form of religion. You may feel that if you change a certain aspect of your life or if things could have been different, the situation would be reversed. However, it is important to focus on coping in the present instead of playing out past situations. By focusing on moving forward, you will eventually be able to let go of the past and the regrets or experiences that are out of your control.