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"Peace begins with you." - Manhee Lee. A good tree bears good fruit. A bad tree bears bad fruit. We can either be happy with the good fruit we see in the various aspects of our lives or be saddened by the rotten fruit we are yielding in the other parts of our lives. The ideal reality we wish to see is us being like a healthy tree planted by the streams of water, which yields its fruit every month, in which the leaves never wither and whatever it does prosper. However, in many cases, attaining that reality is often difficult. How then do we make our lives become like a good tree which bears good fruit in season? How does our past influence us to attain this goal?

Focus on the tree, not the fruit!

To become like a good tree that bears good fruit in our present and future times, one needs to come to an understanding that the outcome of your life today has been primarily shaped by you. The decisions you made. The ideologies you chose to live by. The events that happened in your past shaped who you became today. How you learned to adapt and respond to situations in your environment produces the fruit you yield. 

In the present, all we see is usually the fruit of what your past generated your present reality to be. We look at our relationship's history, health, goals, socioeconomic status, and we are often not happy with what we see. The immediate response is usually blaming external factors or people instead of focusing on nourishing the tree's roots with self-care. Yes, the past may have exposed you to harsh adverse conditions that led you to be like an unhealthy tree producing unhealthy fruit. However, to live with bitterness and resentment over that reality will only lead to the tree remaining in that harmful situation and eventually dying. 

When we focus on accepting that what happened to this tree happened and yes it wasn't right, l will move on to attending to the tree's needs now. Then, we start to see positive change. Every well-nourished tree automatically bears good fruit. Hence, let our primary focus be attending to the root of the problem rather than treating the symptoms. Be at peace with the past and do what you can now to create the reality you desire. 

Dealing with past trauma

Almost everyone went through different kinds of trauma, including physical, emotional, verbal, domestic, or childhood abuse and trauma. Most of the needs we expect our primary caregivers to provide for us are sadly often unmet in most people's lives. This leaves a generation like we see today and in past decades of people struggling with all sorts of invisible yet visible problems.

These include struggles with an identity crisis, self-worth, low self-esteem, constantly not feeling good enough, perfectionism, and so much more internal turmoil that throws our outer experiences into a roller coaster of chaotic experiences. Ultimately, we can see that even though we are alive in the present, we are also very much attached to the past in a negative way that is no longer serving us. As a result, one will be entangled in all sorts of destructive coping mechanisms that often do not work; in most cases, they lead one to re-living their painful past. 

Face the past, carry the lesson with you forever but not the past!

To evolve into becoming the best versions of ourselves, we all need to face challenges. The attitude in which we embrace is what will determine whether our past will make or break us. To be at peace with the past, one has to decide to attain that peace consciously. The following insights help aid one to be at peace with their past. 

Awareness:

Awareness is the art of being mindful and enlightened about a particular thing. In this case, taking time to understand our past will help one to understand their present reality and take the lessons necessary. In addition, it frees one from being entangled in toxic behavioral patterns due to one's adverse past experiences. 

An example of this can be someone who finds themselves in repeated toxic relationships with partners who end up trampling on them and not serving their needs. This pattern could be due to perhaps growing up not learning how to love yourself. As a result, that person's past influences the individual to have dysfunctional relationships because they lack self-worth and esteem. Hence, it affects every other relationship that person has until they decide to learn to be aware of their past. Once one has the correct diagnosis of the past, they can apply the relevant remedies in the present and be at peace with their past, no longer hostage to re-living the same painful experiences in the present

Forgiveness, letting go, and moving on:

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different. Instead, accepting that it has happened to you. This does not mean accepting that it was okay for it to happen. It simply entails accepting that life will not always go the way we want it to and choosing to acknowledge that fact.

Letting go of the hurt allows one to no longer be a prisoner of the past. It will enable one to move on. Letting go is empowering and helps you be at peace and reserve more energy for investing in your present. Letting go is essential to be at peace with your past. This way, one undoubtedly takes back the power they would have given away to the past events or people still causing them to suffer.

Don't cheat on your future with your past. It's over. Instead, choose peace. You can do it!

Letting go is never easy. It’s hard to admit to yourself that someone or something you cared so deeply about will never be in your life again. Yet, one thing’s for sure: Letting go is necessary when it comes to prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s time to give yourself the chance to heal and learn the art of letting go.

Allow Yourself the Chance to Feel

Very rarely will letting go be a pleasant experience. You’ll likely feel immense sadness, anger, and disappointment. Sometimes, it seems easier to pretend the loss never happened at all in the first place. Yet, avoiding your feelings and emotions doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. They might creep up on you sometime down the road when you’re reminded of the pain associated with such a loss. Allow yourself to cry, yell, scream, smile, and laugh.

Increase Your Distance

It’s hard to let go of a person or a part of your past if you’re frequently reminded of them in your daily life. Every time you see an image of them posted on social media or drive down the streets you two used to explore, the pain of the loss will come back two-fold.

Sometimes, the best way to let go is by putting some distance between you and what you’re moving on from. Unfollow your ex from social media, avoid going to the park he goes to for his morning run, and block her number on your cell phone.

Work to Improve Yourself

You’ll never be the way you were before the loss occurred. Instead of letting the breakup or loss take over your entire life, you need to use the process of letting go to improve yourself as a person. Think about the things you need to work on that would make you a better person. Maybe it’s something as simple as regaining control of your health by going to the gym or starting a new diet. Perhaps you want to go to therapy to sort through your emotions.

Talk About Your Emotions

You don’t necessarily have to sign-up for counseling every time a relationship ends, but you must take the time to express what you’re feeling. Acknowledging your feelings will help you to stop internalizing your pain and sadness and lean on somebody else for support. A good friend, a family member, or even a stranger can provide you with a listening ear and give you the chance to verbalize what you’ve been feeling. The worst thing you can do is stay silent.

Stick to a Routine

Letting go can be debilitating for your mental health, especially when the person was so heavily involved in your life. You might get to a point where you feel like you don’t have the motivation to do anything.

Sticking to a routine is the best way to stay on track as you work through your emotions. Be sure to take a shower every morning, do something you enjoy at least once a day, treat yourself to something you love, and nourish your body with good food.

Final Thoughts

Unfortunately, the process of letting go of someone or something important to you doesn’t happen overnight. This might take you weeks, months, or even years to learn to be okay with the loss. The most important thing you can do is look toward the future instead of reminiscing upon the past. The only way you should be going is forward, and constantly looking toward the past will slow your progress and send you into a downward spiral.

The more you read and learn about the power of gratitude on both body and mind, the more amazed you will be about how much it can do for you. Let’s take a look at how forgiveness can free us from the things that are holding us back. More importantly, let’s dive a little deeper into the mind-body connection of practicing (or not practicing) forgiveness. We’ll wrap things up with a surprising notion that you can’t afford to miss. 

Think back on the last time you held a grudge. What did that feel like? Did you have a pit in your stomach? Did you have trouble sleeping? Were you distracted from other, more important things? What did you lose because you chose to stay angry at the other person? Holding a grudge isn’t beneficial for you. Not only that, but the person you’re holding a grudge against probably doesn’t even remember what they did. They are not suffering because you’re upset. You are. You’re holding on to all that negativity, and it’s poisoning you. And it doesn’t stop at destroying your mental health. All this anger and resentment can and will make you physically sick. Your blood pressure goes up; your immune response goes down. You’re not sleeping well, which has other health implications. And let’s not even talk about all the junk food you’re eating while in this state of stress.

Don’t let holding a grudge make you sick. Instead, focus on forgiveness and gratitude. Take a deep breath and find it in your heart to forgive the other person. It’s not easy, but it is within your power. Be the better person. Take the higher road. Do it for yourself because you know you will instantly feel better, and it will do wonders for your mental and physical health and well-being. 

I hinted at the fact that there’s something surprising about forgiveness earlier. I’m sure you’re eager to know what that’s about and why it’s something you need to know. It’s the idea that forgiveness isn’t really about the person you are forgiving. Sure, there are times when they appreciate or even demand your forgiveness. But even so, the person benefiting the most is you. That’s right. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s what sets you free and allows you to pursue happiness and be fulfilled in your own life. 

To recap, forgiving the other person benefits you. It improves your mental well-being and your physical health. It lets you sleep better at night and have a good outlook on life. Don’t let that old grudge steal your happiness. Practice forgiveness and feel gratitude that you have it in your power to decide if you let any slight hold you back or not.