Like anything in life, there is always going to be the good and the bad. Roses are beautiful, and they have a powerful fragrance. However, many have thorns that can pierce even the thickest of leather gardening gloves.

Two main points comprise the dark side of improvement.

First

Understand that there is no magic pill for self-improvement. Self-improvement is a process which takes time, effort, and planning. It can’t be as simple as taking the black or white.

We are creatures that like comfort. Therefore, we tend to wait for the pain to motivate us. Self-improvement is a choice you make to fulfill that part of our DNA that gives us the drive to create a better world. When you were a child, first learning how to ride your bike, your father did all he could to prepare you for that first ride. He showed you how to balance the bike, pedal, and control its direction. However, despite his best attempts at keeping you balanced, you probably fell a few times before you got the hang of riding a bike.

Pain doesn’t have to be bad, nor dysfunctional, as long as we learn from it.

As you move through your plan for self-improvement, expect to fall so that you can get back up stronger.

Disappointment

Every year we make resolutions, only for most of us to give up on them before February rolls around. You start with all of the enthusiasm you can have to support your optimistic belief that this will finally be the year you accomplish…

Only, in the end, you end up with disappointment as your enthusiasm fades, and self-discipline is required to reach the goal.

Understand that while the concept of self-improvement can turn into something of a rabbit hole for us, it can be a powerful tool.

God instilled in us the need to create and produce. Naturally, we feel a need for improvement. It can become toxic for those of us who see this need for growth as a flaw. Our society has labeled anyone with the drive to succeed as having an addiction. It is not an addiction; it is a God-given drive.

Going back to the bike analogy: That child, be they you or someone else, approached that bike ready to learn how to ride without training wheels. He was excited. However, the first time he fell off, he probably felt a twinge of discouragement.

It’s important to remember that he didn’t approach that bike with the knowledge of how to balance it. He likely knew how to operate it mechanically thanks to the safety of his training wheels. But just because he could still improve on his ability to ride doesn’t mean he was fundamentally flawed. It just means that he had room to grow and something to learn. He had a way to improve.

Growth

Also, bear in mind, that like the child learning how to ride a bike with training wheels, the point of growth in self-improvement doesn’t occur when the goal is attained. It happens when we learn each step of the way.

A child who is learning to ride their bike without training wheels is probably going to fall. For older generations, this entailed some form of knee skinning. Regardless, the entire experience is a learning moment passed down from one generation to the next.

We tend to see our goals just beyond our reach. When we stumble while reaching, it’s essential to remember that the stumble or trip-up is a learning moment — not a failure. The dark side and toxicity come when we throw in the towel when we stumble rather than getting back up.

Avoid Self-Judgment

As a side note, remember that you are always going to be your sharpest critic. Not criticizing yourself doesn’t mean that you should not evaluate your actions. The process of self-improvement requires honest assessment, not self-judgment, and there is a big difference. When you judge, you believe that you see a finished product. With a flawed finished product, it is thrown on the scrap heap, and you start over. Self-improvement requires you to hold yourself to a higher standard without using a whip.

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