It can be so hard to express to someone how they may have hurt you, especially if they are a person you care about or have cared about. Confrontation is something that most people find uncomfortable. Still, a person's feelings are important, and when trying to maintain a relationship, they should be important to the other party.
According to The Stone Foundation Counselling Group, the time to confront someone is when an issue will not leave you alone. Essentially, if you cannot stop thinking about the wrong done to you by someone, it is time to confront them. Of course, the best way to make sure such a confrontation brings the matter to rest is to ensure the discussion is done in a healthy, productive way. (https://thestonefoundation.com/the-art-of-healthy-confrontation-8-steps/).
Make Sure You're Safe
According to Professor Preston Ni, the first step in any confrontation is to make sure you feel safe. Of course, not every confrontation has a risk of becoming dangerous, but any concern regarding personal safety taking steps is needed.
If the other person has exhibited violent behavior in the past, do not confront them alone. If you need support, make sure you have some and make sure you feel secure in the place you are interacting with the person who has wronged you. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/9-keys-handling-hostile-and-confrontational-people).
Try To Start The Conversion In A Positive Way
Whatever the relationship, be it professional, family, or romantic, try and begin the confrontation with a positive statement regarding how you hope to improve things. This is true even if this is a confrontation with a former partner. The aim is to let the other person know that you are not there to attack them but rather explain how you feel.
Explain How You Feel
The best way to move forward in a healthy confrontation is to explain your feelings to the other person without pointing fingers and placing blame. Tell them that you feel a certain way when they do a particular thing. The key is for them to understand that the action they have taken or tend to take makes you sad, angry, frustrated, anxious, basically whatever emotion it is you feel.
Be Prepared To Compromise
Enter into the confrontation with a willingness to be flexible. Perhaps they didn't realize that they made you feel a certain way. Give them some benefit of the doubt and use statements such as "I might not have understood" or ``Here's how it came across to me" The important thing is not to make this an attack but a chance to understand each other.
Try and create an understanding that you want to work together to get beyond this situation. They have wronged you and made you feel bad, but you show a willingness to understand them if they will understand how you feel. Just because there has been conflict in the past does not mean that it must continue moving forward.
Offer Up Solutions
If there is a relationship of some type moving forward, it is vital to be clear and open about what you would like to happen in the future. This should not be a list of demands but rather a clear conversation relating to what you can do together to make the relationship healthier. Offer up ideas and be prepared to listen to any that is given in return. The key is to find a compromise and find a way to work on this situation together.