resentments (2)

It can be so hard to express to someone how they may have hurt you, especially if they are a person you care about or have cared about. Confrontation is something that most people find uncomfortable. Still, a person's feelings are important, and when trying to maintain a relationship, they should be important to the other party.8783276668?profile=RESIZE_400x

According to The Stone Foundation Counselling Group, the time to confront someone is when an issue will not leave you alone. Essentially, if you cannot stop thinking about the wrong done to you by someone, it is time to confront them. Of course, the best way to make sure such a confrontation brings the matter to rest is to ensure the discussion is done in a healthy, productive way. (https://thestonefoundation.com/the-art-of-healthy-confrontation-8-steps/). 

Make Sure You're Safe

According to Professor Preston Ni, the first step in any confrontation is to make sure you feel safe. Of course, not every confrontation has a risk of becoming dangerous, but any concern regarding personal safety taking steps is needed.

If the other person has exhibited violent behavior in the past, do not confront them alone. If you need support, make sure you have some and make sure you feel secure in the place you are interacting with the person who has wronged you. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/9-keys-handling-hostile-and-confrontational-people). 

Try To Start The Conversion In A Positive Way

Whatever the relationship, be it professional, family, or romantic, try and begin the confrontation with a positive statement regarding how you hope to improve things. This is true even if this is a confrontation with a former partner. The aim is to let the other person know that you are not there to attack them but rather explain how you feel.

Explain How You Feel

The best way to move forward in a healthy confrontation is to explain your feelings to the other person without pointing fingers and placing blame. Tell them that you feel a certain way when they do a particular thing. The key is for them to understand that the action they have taken or tend to take makes you sad, angry, frustrated, anxious, basically whatever emotion it is you feel. 

Be Prepared To Compromise

Enter into the confrontation with a willingness to be flexible. Perhaps they didn't realize that they made you feel a certain way. Give them some benefit of the doubt and use statements such as "I might not have understood" or ``Here's how it came across to me" The important thing is not to make this an attack but a chance to understand each other.

Work Together

Try and create an understanding that you want to work together to get beyond this situation. They have wronged you and made you feel bad, but you show a willingness to understand them if they will understand how you feel. Just because there has been conflict in the past does not mean that it must continue moving forward.

Offer Up Solutions

If there is a relationship of some type moving forward, it is vital to be clear and open about what you would like to happen in the future. This should not be a list of demands but rather a clear conversation relating to what you can do together to make the relationship healthier. Offer up ideas and be prepared to listen to any that is given in return. The key is to find a compromise and find a way to work on this situation together.

 

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We all have that one situation that sticks with us, either because something terrible happened or because we felt embarrassed. This is a normal part of being human, but when does it become abnormal to which we still can't seem to forget something that has happened? If you still can't let go of something after years, this could be because you have trouble letting go.8771074891?profile=RESIZE_400x

  1. Your Negative Emotions Concern You

When something terrible happens in your life, it's expected that you will have negative emotions for a while following the event. If your event is the loss of a relationship, psychologists say the period of grieving changes based on the relationship's length and depth. So how do you know when it's gone on too long? 

Simple, it's gone on too long when even you think it has. If your negative thoughts seem excessive even to you, well, then you have an issue letting go, and it may be time to seek some outside assistance. 

  1. You Can't See Past What Happened 

Maybe it's been years, but every day you wake up, and for a second, you can't believe it happened. This is very common in people who have lost a partner or a family member in a traumatic and sudden manner. If the event that occurred is still clouding your every thought throughout the day years later, then it's definitely time to admit that you may have a problem. 

  1. You Fantasize About Other Outcomes 

At first, it may be normal to ask yourself the "what ifs" of what may have happened had the outcome been different. But if you find yourself still asking about the "what ifs" months and years into the future, it's a sign that the event is still on your mind, and you haven't entirely accepted its occurrence yet. It would help if you remembered that life goes on, and there is no way to go back and change what has happened. Until you recognize this, you will never be able to move on. 

  1. You Can't Forgive Those Involved 

If the event involved someone else, say a friend or family member, and you find yourself still angry at them every time you think of them, this is a sure sign that you haven't forgiven them yet. Forgiveness is a significant part of learning to let go of the negative feelings which hurt us. Sometimes if the event you can't let go of is the death of a family member or friend, you may find that spending some time learning about who they were helps you humanize them and be able to forgive them more easily. 

  1. You Still Haven't Forgiven Yourself 

The primary sign that you are having trouble letting go of something is that you haven't yet forgiven your role in the situation. To forgive others, you will need to learn to forgive yourself first. 

Venting to and having the support of family and friends can help with this step. Suppose you are still having trouble and are experiencing some of the other concerns on this list. In that case, it may be time to involve the outside help of a spiritual advisor, therapist, or other mental health professional. 

No matter what the event may have been, if you find yourself having trouble letting go of something, this can be a very serious problem. If left unchecked, negative emotions wreak havoc on our well-being. If you found a lot of these red flags in your own life, it may be time to admit that you need to seek outside help to learn to let go of a situation.

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