resilience (3)

What Not to Do When Life is Hard

Don’t fall into blaming

The first thing we typically do when something goes wrong is to blame. We blame others or ourselves, depending on the situation, but blaming does no good whatsoever. It’s a waste of energy and keeps us focused on the problem, not the solution. Notice when you feel you want to blame or self-judge and come back to how you can solve the problem instead.7815044681?profile=RESIZE_400x

Don’t give up - let go
You may feel like giving up when it feels like the sky is falling in. But what is the alternative? Rather than giving up the possibility of feeling happy or your dreams for the future, let go of your attachment to them. This means you should go ahead and dream and take action that can make those dreams into a reality. But, don’t buy into the belief that if they don’t happen, that you won’t be able to be happy.

Don’t numb yourself

There are many ways we numb ourselves to the pain we feel throughout our lives. Of course, we could use drugs or alcohol, but even more often, we use keeping incredibly busy or tuning out by watching TV or playing mindless games. Even though it’s not fun, it’s essential for your healing to experience the pain that you feel. Unless you do that, the pain will stay with you in various forms until you allow yourself to feel it. 

Don’t isolate yourself

When we are scared, embarrassed, or worried, our instinct is to hide away to lick our wounds. Of course, there is a time for that - a time when we need to be alone with our feelings and thoughts, but it’s too easy to stay in that place of isolation far longer than is healthy. The less connection we feel to family and friends, the more depressed we become. This almost always increases our feelings of fear and worry. So, make a point to be around the positive, supportive people in your life, even when you don’t feel like it. 

Don’t hang out with negative people

When you feel like life sucks, you are more vulnerable than at other times when life seems rosy. Being around people who are always complaining or blaming is a sure way to make yourself feel worse. Know that it’s okay to say ‘no thanks’ to invitations that you know will end up in a complaining or back-biting session. Instead, get together with people who support your dreams and visions of the future.


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Are you tired of telling yourself to do things the same old way? Sick of the comfort zone? It’s time to push past the world of limitations into the no-limits mindset. People who embrace no-limits live life to the fullest by pushing themselves to be the best they can be. 6785174697?profile=RESIZE_400x

How does this work? Let’s look at various things you must understand if you’re going to have a no-limits mindset:


  1. People without limits rewrite the script. All those so-called rules in life are meaningless. It’s time to look past what you’ve already established a hundred times over and start thinking about changing the rules instead of toeing the line one more time. It’s people who refuse to accept the status-quo who genuinely understand what it means to have no limits


  1. People without limits realize where the limits came from in the first place. The only thing limiting us are our thoughts. We’ve already decided we can’t do something, and as a result, we can’t. By taking away limitations, we find ourselves in the world of possibilities instead of impossibilities.


  1. People without limits don’t let anyone tell them who they are. When you feel like you're limited, how many times is it because of something that someone else said or did? Maybe you had a parent who told you that you ‘just weren’t athletic’ and as a result, you never went out for sports of any kind. This kind of limitation is insidious because you often don’t realize the origin until you start prodding into its origins. When you establish that it’s from someone else and not you, you can start to reprogram that voice.


  1. People without limits don't give up. Setbacks are normal. what you do with setbacks is what matters. Learn from those with no limits. Accept the failure, mourn it, then dissect it to see what you can learn from it. Congratulate yourself for having tried, and then dig in and try again, this time applying the lessons you’ve learned. There’s no room for quitters in this mindset.


  1. People without limits know how to face their fears. You’re never going to get anywhere if you let fear stop you cold. Understanding where your fear comes from, and then doing the work to overcome that fear is what’s going to free you up to move forward and accomplish what you need to.


Living a life of no-limits doesn't mean that you never feel limited in any way. It means you know what to do when you feel that pushback when you’re striving for a goal. Tell yourself you’re bigger and better than any of the things that hold you back, and you’ll be amazed at the new mindset you have developed!


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“You have to play the ball before it plays you!” 

Anyone who has played a ball sport as a child or had a child play a ball sport has likely heard coaches shouting this. It’s a common term in both basketball and baseball. In baseball, as you get started in the outfield, you wait for that ground hit to reach you before you take action. If you have ever watched a game of baseball, then you know how easy it is for that ball to hit a bump in the grass and go flying in another direction. Fielding balls look easy, but it isn’t a passive activity. It’s vital that the player proactively fields the ball, and a proactive player will play the ball, while a reactive player will wait for the ball to shape the play. 6688931053?profile=RESIZE_400x

You can translate this ethos into your daily life. It sums up proactivity perfectly. 

To be proactive, you have to hold yourself accountable for the situations where you find yourself. Beyond that, you have to be proactive about trying to make it better. Proactive people don’t allow their circumstances to dictate their decisions. They let their values do the talking. They act, a reactive person is acted upon. All this to say that proactive people are adept at playing the ball before it can play them. 

You always have a choice. You’ve probably heard that before. You’re in an impossible position, and it seems like there is no way out, but there’s always a choice. When a proactive person is faced with a situation where the circumstances of the event limit the options available, they still find a way to exercise their agency. 

A great example of a proactive person is Raoul Wallenberg. This Swedish man, who died aged just 34 because of his choices, is viewed as a hero of the World War II era. Instead of standing by and watching, he issued many Hungarian Jewish citizens with Swedish passports to protect them from being sent to concentration camps. Technically, he broke the law. The people he issued these passports to weren’t Swedish, nor did they have any claim to Sweden. However, he used his confidence and his position to bluff the Nazi guards. By doing this, by making the choices he did in difficult circumstances, he is credited with saving tens of thousands of lives. While others stood by and watched, bound by fear, the law, and a host of other circumstances, Raoul Wallenberg took action. He is the personification of proactivity. 

The Habits of a Proactive Person

  • Understanding their circle of influence. When faced with a particular situation, they ask themselves whether they hold any influence. If they do, then there is an action to take.
  • Meditation. It’s a game-changer, and it typifies how you can play the ball. Meditation will leave you feeling more positive, calmer, and allow you to be more present in typical situations. It’s that presence that will enable you to be a more proactive person.
  • Take action. Yes, this one should be obvious, but proactive people will always take action, even if it’s just a small one. It’s the most powerful thing that you can do in a situation, and taking action is a proactive posture. As you start to take action, you will see your circle of influence widens, and as it does, you will find yourself slipping into a proactive mindset much more quickly. There’s always a choice, there’s always a way to move the dial forward, and that’s what proactive people understand.

“Circumstances-what are circumstances? I make circumstances.”  Napoleon Bonaparte

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