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Do you feel you are the victim of bad circumstances? Or maybe that your circumstances have a massive effect on your life? If either of these sounds familiar, then it’s time for you to stop letting your circumstances define you and change your attitude so that you can change your life. 9046215858?profile=RESIZE_400x

Your Thoughts Affect Your Attitude 

You may be wondering just how you let your circumstance define you in the first place. This happens because you are thinking negative thoughts about your life because of your perception of what is going on around you. And when you do this, your negative thoughts are reflected in your emotions, actions, and ultimately, your attitude. That’s why the number one way to change your attitude is by changing your thoughts. 

Instead of thinking of the dismal facts surrounding your life, try starting each day with a positive thought and surrounding yourself with positive influences. This will help make your mindset more positive, and in the process,  you may notice that your attitude becomes more positive. 

Your Attitude Affects Your Interactions 

Although you may think that it doesn’t matter what your attitude is like in life, it does. When you have a certain attitude, you also speak and act in a certain way. And others will respond to your words and actions. 

Think of it this way, when you meet someone for the first time and have a negative attitude, they may not want to see you again. But that person could be an important contact to have on the journey to your success, and you just ruined it because of your attitude. This is why it is essential to your success for you to have a good attitude. And if you change your attitude, you’ll be able to change your life. 

Your Environment Is Neutral 

It seems easy to blame your circumstances for what is going on in your life. But your environment, no matter how you look at it, is neutral. It is a blank canvas that you can manipulate any way that you want. 

And you can use your attitude to manipulate this canvas to become anything you want. This means whatever your circumstances may be, you are the artist, and the power to change your life lies in your own hands.

Leave The Past Behind 

If you’ve decided that it’s time to change your attitude to transform your life, as mentioned above, it’s time to think positive thoughts. But beyond just that, it’s also time to leave the past behind. 

This means whatever you may have done, or whatever may have happened to you before, it’s time to forgive so you can move on. You need to know that you are responsible for everything which happens in your life. This means if you want to make your life better, you absolutely can. You don’t need the past telling you who you are or what to do. 

And once you stop thinking about the past constantly, you’ll find that you feel a lot less stressed and ready to face the future which is ahead. 

Overall, taking the leap to stop letting your circumstance define you is difficult. But if you are genuinely committed to changing your attitude, you can guarantee your life will follow. Just remember to watch what you think and how specific thoughts make you act. 

Don’t let your past define you, and instead treat your circumstances as your blank canvas for a new beginning. Before you know it, you will have a new positive attitude and be on your way to becoming the person you want to be.

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People tend to dream big and set high goals for themselves. So many of us spend hours fantasizing about what life would be like if we could get the big promotion, lose weight, or learn a new skill. 9046112661?profile=RESIZE_400x

Unfortunately, people also tend to let negative thinking get in the way of working toward their goals. Have you ever talked yourself out of making some significant life changes or trying to meet a goal because you thought it would be “too hard” to achieve? If so, you’re likely allowing negative thoughts to get in your way! 

If your thoughts tend to be negative, never fear–with some practice, you can work toward changing your thoughts to be more positive and supportive. 

  1. Strive toward improvement–not perfection.

A common negative thought that gets in the way of making change and progress is the (entirely untrue) belief that we must seek perfection if we chase after a goal. Perfection is the ideal to strive towards. Every step you make towards perfection will improve your life. You also need to celebrate each step towards the ideal. Not look at the strides you make as failures because you did not reach perfection. If you do not have perfection as the goal, you will settle for what is easy to accomplish. 

Verywell Mind suggests working toward accepting improvement over absolute perfection. Challenge yourself to work a little harder each day. Even giving an extra 10% of effort while working toward a goal will help you move closer to your desired results. Only settling for perfection will lead to big disappointment, but working toward improvement will encourage you to continue, even when things get hard. 

  1. Look into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) methods to restructure your negative thinking habits. 

CBT sounds intimidating, but it simply refers to a toolkit of strategies you can use to replace negative thoughts with better, more positive ones. 

For example, one method of doing this is called cognitive restructuring. Again, this isn’t as complicated as it sounds. Cognitive restructuring takes some time, practice, and patience to master. Still, it will achieve what its name suggests–you will learn to restructure your thinking patterns to be more positive, motivational, and forward-thinking. 

To do this, you identify a negative thought, identify it, and then replace it with a less distorted version that gives you a clear mental picture of reality. Often, our bad or negative thoughts are fueled by fear or worry–this means those negative thoughts cloud our minds with “what ifs” that can stop us from taking a chance to make a change or try something new. Learning to identify, label, and change thoughts takes quite a bit of practice. Below is an example of what this might look like:

  1. You have a negative thought: “I don’t know why I even bother trying to learn this….I know I’m going to fail my test no matter what.”
  2. You identify the negative thought: “Talking to myself like this isn’t helping my situation. It makes me feel even more worried about my upcoming test.”
  3. You replace the negative thought with a more truthful one: “My teacher told me what I need to review to do well on the test, so I am going to spend time studying it tonight, so I feel prepared tomorrow.”


  1. Practice basic mindfulness. 

Mindfulness is the practice of putting yourself “in the moment.” Mindfulness means you take a moment to assess your current situation, feelings, and environment. It can be used as a tool to quiet a busy mind and bring yourself back to reality, particularly if you struggle with stress management and anxious thinking.

For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to close your eyes, draw in deep breaths, and focus on the “here and now.” You can take a few minutes to run through these questions to bring yourself back into the current moment: 

  1. What does the temperature of the room feel like?
  2. What can I smell in the room right now?
  3. What does the floor feel like under my feet?
  4. What sounds can I hear?
  5. How do my clothes feel against my skin? 

By focusing on these “right now” questions, you can bring your mind back to focus on the present.

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Do you remember hearing your parents reminding you about the importance of using kind words? Perhaps they repeated to you constantly that your words carry significant weight. They were absolutely correct! 9044677096?profile=RESIZE_400x

Many of us understand the importance of using kind words with others, but how often do we follow these guidelines when we speak to ourselves? Everyone has an internal dialogue–the words we speak to ourselves throughout the day–and just as the words we say to others can help or harm them, the words we speak to ourselves can do the same. 

If you think your internal dialogue needs monitoring, how can you begin to control your tendencies to use negative language toward yourself? Check out this step-by-step guide to get started! 

  1. Recognize your unkind words, thoughts, and feelings toward yourself. 

The first step you can make toward monitoring your internal dialogue is identifying and labeling unkind words and thoughts. To begin developing a healthier inner dialogue, you need to understand which parts of the conversation need immediate attention. 

If you’re used to being hard on yourself, this can take time. If it helps to keep yourself organized, keep a running list when you catch yourself using unkind words or thoughts toward yourself. If you aren’t sure what could constitute unkind internal dialogue, check out this list of examples: 

  • I don’t need to eat that. I’ll screw up your whole day of healthy eating and gain back a ton of weight again.
  • I can’t believe I was stupid enough to say that.
  • I’m too dumb to ever pass this class.
  • I shouldn’t bother applying for that job. They would never hire me.
  • I am not good enough to participate in that activity.
  • I would look so dumb if I wore this.
  • People would laugh at me if I tried to do that activity.
  • ….and so on. 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of events that can trigger negative internal dialogue. Things that trigger your unkind thoughts toward yourself can differ vastly from a friend’s. Learning to recognize yours is the first step toward replacing them with healthier internal dialogue. 

  1. Find alternative ways to rephrase and frame your thoughts to yourself.

Psychology Today recommends finding ways to rephrase and frame your thoughts to yourself in a more positive way.

For example, suppose you’re experiencing a negative internal dialogue about going on a first date. In that case, you can use the following method to begin swapping out those negative thoughts for healthier, more positive ones:

  1. Have the negative thought: “I don’t know why she said she would go on a date with me…. I bet she meant it as a joke.”
  2. Recognize that this thought is negative. Also, consider why this isn’t the case. For example, if the person agreed to the date, this most likely means that they’re interested in going and spending time with you.
  3. Rephrase your thought to be more positive: “I’m looking forward to seeing how this date is going to go.” 
  1. Develop an internal “motivator and complimenter voice.” 

We’re all familiar with our internal “mean” voice. If you have a negative internal dialogue, you probably hear from yours often, unfortunately. However, what if you developed an inner “motivator” voice? 

All the internal voices we hear in our minds don’t have to be negative or mean. Try building a positive one! 

For example, bring out your inner motivator when you’re feeling uncertain, down, or stressed. This can tie in with the step above–your internal motivator voice can step in when it’s time to trash a negative thought and replace it with something positive. 

  1. Practice, practice, and practice some more. 

Getting better at anything requires a lot of practice. If it takes you extra time to begin monitoring your internal dialogue, stick with it and continue to implement strategies to make it more positive. Even small baby steps are still movement toward progress–and healthier internal dialogue!

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Having moments when you focus on worst-case scenarios or scary what-if situations is normal. As human beings, we tend to picture these kinds of possibilities to prepare ourselves for potential trouble in the future. 9044591269?profile=RESIZE_400x

However, if you find yourself constantly ruminating on bad possibilities, this type of thinking, called catastrophic thinking, can have terrible effects on your life. 

  1. Catastrophic thinking can ruin your chances for good things in life.

Psychology Today describes how catastrophic thinking can keep you from chasing after your dreams and living a fulfilling life. Working toward goals requires a lot of work–and risk-taking–to achieve them. If you’re too consumed imagining all the bad things that could happen, you’ll never allow yourself to spend time working toward achieving good things for yourself. 

  1. Catastrophic thinking steals your inner peace. 

Catastrophic thinking takes worries and stress above normal levels. Feeling worried is normal; everyone has times that make them feel stressed or out of control. However, when catastrophic thinking settles in, these thoughts happen more frequently than usual, leading to crippling fear. 

For example, pretend you’re having a typical night at work when it suddenly begins to rain. When you see the rain hitting the roadways, you think about your wife driving home from her day shift. 

You immediately begin to think of all the ways she could get hurt–a bad car accident, another driver sliding off the road and into her vehicle, or even a flash flood across the roadway. Is it likely that the rainy drive home will lead to your wife’s imminent demise? Absolutely not. Does the possibility feel very real to someone with catastrophic thinking issues? Yes! 

  1. Catastrophic thinking can damage relationships. 

People who suffer with catastrophic thinking can also have issues maintaining strong and healthy relationships. 

Because people with catastrophic thinking tendencies often visualize horrible things happening to the people they love, these constant, scary thoughts can cause them to be overprotective or highly cautious. 

While being cautious and protective aren’t the wrong ways to be toward your loved ones, too much can feel incredibly smothering. If your mind is obsessed with catastrophic thinking, it can cause people to stay away from you. Rather than strengthening your bond with your loved ones, catastrophic thinking can ruin your chances to build a meaningful relationship with someone. 

  1. Catastrophic thinking consumes your attention from truly important things in life. 

If you spend all your time obsessing on catastrophic thoughts, you lose time and focus on other vital parts of life. 

Some worrying is normal (and can even help you stay focused on avoiding bad situations). Still, when the worrying enters the realm of catastrophic thinking, you lose focus and energy for the critical parts of your life.

If you’re spending time obsessing over imaginary situations and convoluted fantasies, you aren’t spending that time focusing on things that need your attention. Plans, relationships, to-do lists, fun activities, and more all fall to the wayside when you spend time obsessing over worst-case scenarios.

  1. Catastrophic thinking makes living an everyday and happy life nearly impossible. 

When left untreated, catastrophic thoughts make living an everyday and happy life seemingly impossible. While you can learn to control your catastrophic thinking, not everyone does–this can quickly lead to missed opportunities, failed romances, and more. 

When your energy is spent feeding into catastrophic thoughts, you feel crippled when it’s time to take action, make decisions, and live life. Rather than taking a chance and trying something new, you immediately stop trying when you think of how everything can go wrong.

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We all want more self-control. It is common to fantasize how much easier life would be if eating right wasn’t such a struggle or a trip to the gym wasn’t such a fight with self. 

Self-discipline is a trait that you need to develop. You are not born with the ability. In fact, by following a few simple tips, you can start improving your self-discipline skills almost immediately. Here’s how: 9015589687?profile=RESIZE_400x

Understand What’s Particularly Tempting

We all have a weakness. Whether we can’t say no to the salty snacks or wind up staying up too late night after night, we’re looking at the same problem: A lack of self-discipline. By knowing what our triggers are, it’s a simple matter to defuse them. 

Change Your Environment

Once you know what tempts you, the simple solution is to remove the trigger from your environment. Salty snacks? Stop buying them. Staying up late? Remove the lightbulb from your bedroom. Don’t be afraid to get radical and more than a little creative. 

Set a Goal

Without a plan, how can you accomplish anything? Ask what you’re trying to change. What does your new future look like for you? Make an action plan to take you there.


Self-discipline doesn’t happen overnight. The only way you’re going to learn it is to practice it. Look at the plan you just created. What steps does it require? Push yourself to act on those steps, daily

Break Things Down

Change is more natural to make when the steps are kept small and very simple. Break things down to their smallest components. What’s something small you can do today to help you build the habit of self-discipline? 

Pay Attention to Your Body

Your physical health will always affect your willpower, so taking care of the basics, such as getting enough sleep and exercising regularly will help you to have better self-discipline. 

Gain a New Perspective

The moment you start thinking you have no self-discipline, or that your willpower is a finite resource, you start limiting yourself. By changing your inner dialogue, you’re more likely to have success. Remind yourself often: “I’ve got this.” It truly is about mind over matter. 

What’s Plan B?

When going into a difficult situation where you know self-discipline will be challenged, create a backup plan. Know before you begin just what you’re going to do if the worst happens. Implement as needed. 

Use Rewards

When you succeed in your goals, don’t be afraid to allow yourself a small reward. As human beings, we’re wired to work our best when we know we’re going to get something out the experience we want.

Know How to Move On

Screwed up? Forgive yourself. Keep going. It’s normal for everyone to mess up now and again. It’s what you do next that matters.

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The Art of Letting Go

Letting go is never easy. It’s hard to admit to yourself that someone or something you cared so deeply about will never be in your life again. Yet, one thing’s for sure: Letting go is necessary when it comes to prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s time to give yourself the chance to heal and learn the art of letting go.8990265260?profile=RESIZE_400x

Allow Yourself the Chance to Feel

Very rarely will letting go be a pleasant experience. You’ll likely feel immense sadness, anger, and disappointment. Sometimes, it seems easier to pretend the loss never happened at all in the first place. Yet, avoiding your feelings and emotions doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. They might creep up on you sometime down the road when you’re reminded of the pain associated with such a loss. Allow yourself to cry, yell, scream, smile, and laugh.

Increase Your Distance

It’s hard to let go of a person or a part of your past if you’re frequently reminded of them in your daily life. Every time you see an image of them posted on social media or drive down the streets you two used to explore, the pain of the loss will come back two-fold.

Sometimes, the best way to let go is by putting some distance between you and what you’re moving on from. Unfollow your ex from social media, avoid going to the park he goes to for his morning run, and block her number on your cell phone.

Work to Improve Yourself

You’ll never be the way you were before the loss occurred. Instead of letting the breakup or loss take over your entire life, you need to use the process of letting go to improve yourself as a person. Think about the things you need to work on that would make you a better person. Maybe it’s something as simple as regaining control of your health by going to the gym or starting a new diet. Perhaps you want to go to therapy to sort through your emotions.

Talk About Your Emotions

You don’t necessarily have to sign-up for counseling every time a relationship ends, but you must take the time to express what you’re feeling. Acknowledging your feelings will help you to stop internalizing your pain and sadness and lean on somebody else for support. A good friend, a family member, or even a stranger can provide you with a listening ear and give you the chance to verbalize what you’ve been feeling. The worst thing you can do is stay silent.

Stick to a Routine

Letting go can be debilitating for your mental health, especially when the person was so heavily involved in your life. You might get to a point where you feel like you don’t have the motivation to do anything.

Sticking to a routine is the best way to stay on track as you work through your emotions. Be sure to take a shower every morning, do something you enjoy at least once a day, treat yourself to something you love, and nourish your body with good food.

Final Thoughts

Unfortunately, the process of letting go of someone or something important to you doesn’t happen overnight. This might take you weeks, months, or even years to learn to be okay with the loss. The most important thing you can do is look toward the future instead of reminiscing upon the past. The only way you should be going is forward, and constantly looking toward the past will slow your progress and send you into a downward spiral.

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What do you do when you’re feeling sad or low? Maybe you reach out to friends or stay in bed watching your favorite series on TV. 

Have you ever considered turning to writing as therapy? 8901239697?profile=RESIZE_400x

Studies have shown that those who write about their most traumatic or stressful experiences experience better health outcomes.  

The stories we tell ourselves give us meaning in our lives. Writing therapy helps you explore the stories you tell yourself, the feelings associated with those events, and what meanings we can draw from events. 

Writing can be a powerful, low-cost, and easily accessible therapy. Getting your thoughts and words onto pages empowers you to work through difficulties. 

Writing therapy can help you sort through your stories and feelings around grief, anxiety, life transitions, or even stress. Writing therapy gives you a safe space to track your progress and self-reflect. 

While writing may not always be a complete replacement for therapy, it’s still a tool you can use to work through your thoughts. It’s also a tool that can complement your regular therapy appointments. 

Writing therapy is a guided way for you to interact with and analyze events in your life. Through writing therapy, you explore your beliefs around those events - and how your thoughts might trigger certain feelings. 

Follow these journal prompts to start exploring your thoughts:

  1. Start your day with Morning Pages. Morning Pages, a daily practice popularized by Julia Cameron, are three pages of unfiltered writing. This daily practice of filling three pages with your unfiltered thoughts can help clear your mind to start the day fresh.
  2. The WDEP Model (Wants, Doing, Evaluate, Plan). The WDEP Model can help you think about what you want and whether you are making the choices needed to get what you want. It can help you feel more in control of your daily decisions.
  • What do you want?
  • What are you doing to get what you want?
  • Is what you are doing helping you get to what you want?
  • Can you make a more effective plan to get what you want?
  1. The ABC Model (Activating Event, Beliefs, Consequences). We tend to think that activating events leads to consequences. This can help you explore your beliefs and reflect on your emotions.
  • Activating Event. The event that triggers an emotion or thoughts.
  • What you believe or think about the activating event. Our beliefs are the part that often subconsciously gets overlooked.
  • The emotions we feel as a result of the activating event and our beliefs.
  1. Self-Contract. Do you want to change something in your life? What do you want to change? Write a contract to yourself about how you will make changes in your life to reach your goal.
  2. A love letter to yourself. How often do you appreciate and acknowledge yourself? Writing yourself a love letter, or letter of gratitude, can be a perfect space for building a positive relationship with yourself.
  3. Gratitude. Studies have shown that gratitude has a positive impact on a person’s well-being. Integrating gratitude journaling into your routine can increase your happiness and well-being. 

Writing therapy can be a great tool to investigate your feelings or reflect on what you want in life. You can use writing therapy as a tool to fuel your personal growth. 

Exploring your beliefs and feelings using the journal prompts above can help you work through difficult emotions. By giving yourself a place to process your feelings, you’re allowing yourself to be happier and healthier.


This practice can be an empowering form of self-care! Try it today and feel the difference!

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If you’re facing a new phase in your life, you might be feeling a bit nervous. Will it work out? Was this the right decision? Whether it’s a new job or a new relationship, here some tips for making the most of your fresh start. 

  1. Don’t Fear Failure

8889937701?profile=RESIZE_710xFear of Failure is America’s number one fear. Many people are so scared they’ll mess up. They never try anything new. And that’s a real shame because unless you take a few risks, you won’t get anywhere, and you’ll never reach your true potential. Reframe Failure as a lesson in what not to do next time. If you make a mistake or something doesn’t work out, you’re a step closer to success. Learn and move on. 

  1. Talk to People

Did you know that most opportunities come from outside your usual network? Be open to new possibilities by talking to people you don’t know. From a casual conversation in the coffee shop to chatting to the person in the next seat at a conference dinner, you never know who you’re about to connect with and where that connection might lead. Be approachable, be polite, and make new friends. 

  1. Know What You Stand For

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you have your own set of personal values. Make those values conscious, and write your personal mission statement. What are your core beliefs? What is your purpose in life? Once you know what you stand for, you can align your actions and focus on your path to success. Think of it as your roadmap

  1. Be Aware of Your Personal Biases

Successful people don’t let their personal opinions get in the way of achieving their goals. Your opinions are not the same as your values. Values are the bedrock of what’s important in your life. You can have an opinion about sports or politics or how you prefer your steak, but don’t confuse views with what’s best for you. If a nontraditional opportunity comes up, think it through and work out if it’s in your best interest. 

  1. Celebrate Your Successes

It’s essential to celebrate the milestones as you check them off on the way to achieving your goals. Celebrating small successes keeps your motivation and your energy high. It also makes those big life goals seem a bit less daunting. High-five yourself for everything you check off your to-do list, and you’ll soon find yourself celebrating the big wins.

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8889886459?profile=RESIZE_710xAre you having trouble at work? Or perhaps you're going through a divorce? Does it feel like your life is falling apart? Don't despair! A positive attitude can go a long way toward creating happiness. 

Everyone has problems at some point or another. Over 12.5 million workdays were lost in the UK alone in 2017 due to stress, anxiety, or depression. Stress affects people primarily because of money, work, poor health, or family responsibilities. 

Remember, when one door closes, another one opens. The problems you're facing now will soon be just a bad memory. 

So, what's the key to staying positive when things are looking bleak? Let's find out! 

Don't Wait to Be Happy 

How many times have you told yourself that you'll be happy as soon as you switch jobs or get a raise? The truth is that these things might not happen anytime soon. If you rely on them to live your best life, you deny your right to happiness. 

Appreciate every moment and focus on the good in your life. Live in the present moment and be grateful for what you have now. 

Stop Playing the Victim 

When times get tough, we tend to blame others for our problems. Doing so will only keep you from finding solutions and solving things out.

Take responsibility for the current situation and then find a way to fix it. Break free from the "poor me" mentality and be proactive in your quest for happiness. 

Jump into Something New  

Opportunities are everywhere. It's a matter of going out and looking. Are you stuck in a lousy job? The fact is it is not a lousy job. There is someone who would love that job. As long as you stay in that job, they will not have the opportunity to have their dream job. Find something else! Assess your skills and figure out how you could use them to boost your income and help others in the process. 

Have you just lost a big client? Start pitching potential customers. Dedicate at least 30 minutes every day to cold emailing and job hunting. The more options you have, the better.

Start a Meditation Habit  

Meditation is one of the best ways to calm your mind and ward off stress. It's so powerful that it alters the brain's structure and triggers positive changes in the areas associated with memory, creativity, and cognition. 

Make a habit out of meditating every single day. Do it for at least 10 minutes. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and take deep breaths. The benefits are immediate. 

Just because your life isn't perfect right now, it doesn't mean it will be like this forever. Problems come and go. What matters is to look on the bright side and hang in there. 

Get out and enjoy yourself for a little bit. Read a good book, call an old friend, or start a new hobby. These small things can make a world of difference.

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8889842082?profile=RESIZE_710xFlipping your switch can seem like a massive undertaking. There are a million different ways to achieve if all the articles on the internet have anything to say about it. However, flipping your switch is a personal undertaking, one that may have similar milestones for everyone but really can and should be tailored to a person’s needs to be successful. Keep reading for the seven steps you need to personalize to flip your switch. 

  1. Find an Activity that Challenges You

The activity that will most help you flip your switch is the one that challenges you. Not your neighbor or your sibling. But you. This could be as simple as folding an entire laundry basket in one sitting or the Sunday morning crossword in pen! 

  1. Commit to yourself

Whatever challenge you’re undertaking, you’re doing it for yourself. Make a promise that you will try your hardest and not give up when the going gets tough.

  1. Set Realistic Goals

Make sure your goals are attainable. You aren’t going to fold all the laundry you do on Sunday by the end of Sunday. But maybe you could at least hang up the stuff that will wrinkle. Or perhaps you will only use a pen on the crossword answers you feel 100% confident about, pencil on the rest.

  1. Turn off the T.V. (or the Internet) In General

Get rid of the useless distractions. That show will not help you concentrate or make time go faster. You can’t flip your switch on one activity if your brain is partially paying attention to another.

  1. Remove Interruptions

Kids, phones, whatever, do your best to remove the interruptions before you start. Then your flow and concentration will be more effective. 

  1. Track Your Progress

Find an easy way (read: not time-consuming, expensive, or labor-intensive) to track your progress. Sometimes this is a calendar to check off days. For others, maybe you need to journal about your feelings, how they went, or your next goal to achieve. Read my article on apps for changing habits. 

  1. Enjoy Your Experiences

Enjoy what you’re doing and the experiences you are having. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey. 

Learning to flip your switch is a process, not a one-day training online. It will take time and practice to find out precisely what it takes for you to be in the zone.

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There's an app for that. It's become a running joke; there's an app for everything. Is there an app for habits? There are a lot of apps for habits. 

HabitBull is a free, flexible reminder program that lets you develop good habits. Habits require repetition, and HabitBull provides the reminder to keep you on track to create the habit of your choice.

8889807487?profile=RESIZE_710xIf you want to walk for three days in the week, HabitBull lets you set reminders on selected days. If you're going to meditate for half an hour each day, you can record your accomplishments in minutes rather than Yes/No answers.
The app creates trends, graphs and tracks your process to create that habit.
HabitBull reminds you that it takes 66 days to create a habit and gives you a progress bar.

Productive (iPhone only application). Productive separates the new habit creation into three categories, morning and evening and whenever. It's selective as to which it shows when, meaning that it shows the AM reminders before noon only and the PM reminders afternoon, also exclusively. This app is designed to force the user into incorporating the habit into their daily schedule instead of saving up or getting it over with early.

Strides. If you're after a vital goal like losing weight, saving money reading a large number of books, then you should look at Strides. This app looks at the total time to complete any task and breaks it down into measurable, trackable milestones. It creates weekly and monthly goals to keep you on track. 

Streaks (currently iPhone only). Streaks is an app to help you develop fitness goals. The plus of this app is that it hooks in nicely with Apple's Health app. It tracks steps, measures heart rate, distance, and more. It's simple, handling only six habits at a time, and has a very easy-to-understand graphics display. 

Habitica. This app is free and for the iPhone, Android, or web. Habitica takes good habits and converts them into something fun. It converts them into a video game you can play with friends. You can earn badges and battle monsters and hold each other accountable. If either of you fails to complete the remainder, you're both penalized. This app has plans to coach you through the process of forming athletic habits and training. You can see videos and even contact live coaches for hire. 

HabitFree (Android only) uses questions to help you keep your routine. "Did you brush your teeth?" "Did you go for a walk?" Not surprisingly, it focuses on streaks, how many days in a row you accomplished your task. 

There are many apps available, and the selection in the app store is changing all the time. Scan your options or search under "HABITS" for the one best suited for you.

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7 Benefits to Trying New Things

8889766287?profile=RESIZE_710xWhen you make it a goal to try something new, you may not realize why you’re setting out to do something new in the first place. There is a slew of benefits that come along from incorporating “new” into your life; here are 7 of them: 

  1. Learn New Things

How will you learn new things if you never try new things? Think about an activity you’ve never tried before. You probably don’t know much about it. As soon as you put yourself out there and try it out, though, you’ll probably learn a lot more about it. 

  1. Get Rid of Boredom

Boredom is the worst – we all can attest. When you’re trying out new projects, new places, new people, etc., that boredom slips by the wayside. Keep your brain engaged, and you won’t have to deal with monotony creeping in. 

  1. More Stories to Tell

As you try new things and meet new people, you accumulate more stories about your adventures. Whether it’s a funny story or a scary story, your stories become part of who you are. What a great perk!  

  1. Get a New Perspective

Sometimes, you need to sit in another area of the room to change your perspective – similarly, you need to try new things to change your outlook on life.

  1. Self-Discovery

Let’s face it – we spend a lot of time with ourselves—an entire lifetime. So if you do the same thing day in and day out, you probably won’t see many different sides to yourself. Self-discovery leads to many great attributes – confidence, self-awareness, perceptiveness, to name a few. 

  1. Gain Confidence

Why fly when you can soar? You can amount to great things by simply expanding your horizons and trying new things. Time after time, you’ll begin to gain a new sense of confidence in yourself and your capabilities. 

  1. Experience Life to the Fullest

There’s a reason why people say you only have one life to live. If you take this sentiment to heart, you’ll want to get as many experiences out of life as you possibly can. That begins with your habits – your day-to-day life. When you push yourself out of your comfort zone, you’ll gain more of these experiences. Who knows what you could learn about yourself or your life? You’ll have to try to find out!

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Set a Life-Changing Goal

If we sit down and think about it, most of us have goals. The problem is, they are often undefined thoughts just passing through during our day. In reality, these are more daydreams than goals. If you are ready to actually set a goal that can change your life, then follow these tips to set a life-changing goal. 8819313098?profile=RESIZE_584x

  1. Figure Out What You Want to Change

If you could change one aspect of your life, what would it be? Would you focus on your career, family or health? It doesn't matter what you choose, you simply need to figure out what area of your life you want to change.

  1. Know Why You Want to Change

Why do you want to change that area of your life? Think about this ...a lot. This is essentially your motivation. Take some time to brainstorm all the benefits of changing this area of your life. Go back to the list often, especially when motivation starts to wane. 

  1. Dare to Dream Big

SMART goals are important. Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely goals should make up the majority of our goals. That said, don't fear dreaming big. It will take a big goal to really motivate us. What may seem unrealistic now, might not be as far out of your reach as you think. If the goal does not excite and scare you at the same time, it is not big enough. It does not take any more energy to think big. 

  1. Write Your Goal Down

Keeping your goal in your head, is only worth the paper it is printed on. You can't set proper goals without writing them down. Simply writing your goals down will differentiate you from the vast majority of people. Choose your goal and write it down. It is simple as that.

  1. Break Your Goal Down into Smaller Goals

If you took the above advice, you dared to dream big. That has left you with a big goal that scares you. The way to deal with this is to break this larger goal down into smaller, more achievable goals. These smaller goals can be considered your action plan. 

  1. Set Deadlines

Every goal you set needs to have a deadline. You don't need to be cutthroat here, but you need to be aggressive. If you struggle with hitting deadlines, then consider building in a reward system. If you meet a goal by the deadline, reward yourself in some way. If you miss the deadline ask yourself if you did your best? If you did your best, then you guessed wrong on the completion date. That is all. Keep going towards your goal.

  1. Take Action

At the end of the day, achieving your goals comes down to you. Are you ready to not only set goals, but take action upon them? Taking action is the only way you will ever achieve a goal. If you are struggling on where to start, choose the easiest task and start there 

  1. Reflect and Adjust

There is real value in taking time to reflect on your goals. Setting goals should be considered a fluid undertaking. At regular intervals you need to stop and think about what is working, and what isn't working. You also need to check in with yourself to see if your wants are still the same. Taking time to reflect on your goals, and adjusting where needed will make sure you stay on course 

  1. Don't Stop

Did you reach your goal? Perhaps, you reached an obstacle or impasse? Whatever the case - you keep going. Once you reach a goal, you set another one! If you get stuck on your goals, you either deal with the obstacle, or go around it. You can't change your life overnight, it takes persistence and dedication.

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You've probably heard that you can only get where you want to be if you know where you're going. This statement is as true now as the first time it was said. So how do you come to know where you're going, so you can get where you want to be? 8787222481?profile=RESIZE_400x

Goals are crucial. When we set goals, we're trying to bring each piece of our lives in line with our overall vision for ourselves. Using a powerful vision-setting process can help you set more effective goals since you can chart a course that will take you toward and support your vision. 

Have you written a vision for each area of your life? Your written goals will let you know where you're headed spiritually, socially, relationally, physically, financially, and more?

Use this process to help you create a vision that works for you: 

  1. Write down your vision for a particular aspect of your life. Start writing about what you would like to accomplish in your life and what you would like to have also. There's no right or wrong. What you write down is not the finished product. It is a start, and it is crucial to get started. Remember, if you do not know where you are going, you will get there.
  • In writing your vision, avoid focusing on what you don't want because this will only bring about more of what you do not want in your life. Turn off the negativity and focus on your new vision.
  • For example, if you want more money, avoid wording your statement: "I don't want to be poor anymore." Instead, envision what it would be like to be rich, what you want, and write about what it would be like for you.
  • Although you may feel challenged when first learning to focus on what you want, it gets easier. Plus, the rewards are spectacular when you can do it consistently. You'll start to notice that your life seems as if you can change it at will, which you can. 
  1. Carry your vision statement with you. During the day, read the vision statement and imagine that picture in your mind. How does your vision make you feel? Are you excited and scared? This takes up 30 seconds of your life each time. A small investment to change your life.


  1. If you feel excited and scared about your vision, that's great. If not, your goals are not big enough. Re-write your goals until you are both excited and scared at the same time. Continue refining the image of your dream life until doing your visualization feels spectacular. 
  • At some point, you will be wondering when this process ever ends. It never ends. You will accomplish your goals regularly and need to write a new goal in alignment with your life's vision. 
  1. Review your vision daily. Measuring your progress will keep you on track and show you where you need to make adjustments to your plan. Disciplining yourself to review your vision will ensure you accomplish your goals.
  2. Create separate vision statements for all the areas of your life. Consider your finances, relationships, adventure, health, social life, and spirituality. If you can get all these visions to look just the way you want, imagine what your life will look like! 

Spend Time On This Process? 

Consider all the actions you take during the day. Are these actions a part of your plan or someone else's plan for your life? If you have not made a plan for your life, someone else will. Everything you do is either moving you closer to your vision or closer to someone else's dream. Wouldn't you rather help yourself reach yours?

Having a vision is the first step to creating the life you desire. Tweak your approach, not your goal. Do this at regular intervals. This gets easier with practice. 

Don't hesitate; create your visions today. Then, start reviewing and improving them immediately. Your life will change rapidly for the better. You'll then be spending your time making your visions a reality instead of making someone else's dream come true.

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Resentment is an unhealthy emotion. While many people believe resentment is simply a lack of forgiveness, it's a much more complicated emotion.  The reasons people hold on to resentments vary based on the reason for the resentment.

And because everyone experiences hurtful situations, resentment is more common than people realize. However, scientists believe that you can choose forgiveness over resentment and improve your mental and emotional health.

  1. Disregard and Disrespect

In a series of essays and studies published by Routledge Press, researchers found that people expect to be treated with some degree of goodwill and kindness by others. When someone doesn't treat you this way, resentment against them begins to form.  The perception of being treated with outright disrespect also breaks this social contract of kindness.  When the situation isn't resolved, resentment grows, and some people may continue to feel the resentment indefinitely.

People perceive disregard and disrespect differently, depending on their level of self-esteem and their belief in where they are in social status.  Psychologists have found that people with low self-esteem are generally more resentful of others.

People who believe they are in a lower social class will often resent those they feel are above them but may accept being treated with disregard and disrespect as inescapable because of their status. However, repeatedly being treated poorly only adds to feelings of resentment.

  1. Acceptance

Ancient humans evolved their emotional understanding of acceptance based on the benefits of belonging to a group, especially safety and support. In a study published in Psychology Bulletin, researchers found that the need for acceptance evolved as a fundamental aspect of human nature.  When a person doesn't feel accepted by a group, they may resent being excluded.  This resentment is based on the fear of losing the benefits of a group membership.

In modern society, social and networking groups provide advantages in business, for a person's career, and to raise someone's social status.  When a group does not accept a person they believe they deserve to belong to, they may resent that group and similar groups that they think might exclude them.8783321258?profile=RESIZE_400x

Holding on to resentment of these groups keeps them from needing to examine their skills, abilities, and whether they truly deserve to be accepted. Instead, they protect their low-self-esteem by placing the blame on others.

  1. Trauma

Severe trauma, such as physical, emotional, or mental trauma or abandonment, often leads to resentment of the person or type of person who committed the traumatic act. According to psychologists, until a person resolves the trauma they have been through, bitterness may help them protect their ego, self-esteem, and emotions. However, these benefits are short-lived, and unless a person processes their trauma, resentment will become an unhealthy mental and emotional outlook on life.

  1. Injustice

Injustice is another trigger where resentment offers short-term benefits. When a person perceives an injustice, bitterness may give them the courage to stand up for themselves and others.  An initial feeling of irritation can cause someone to be assertive in their behavior and demand a level of respect from others.  But when a person can't resolve a conflict to their satisfaction through assertiveness, continued resentment may make them aggressive in their behavior.

According to researchers at Psychology Today, the feeling of courage and satisfaction a person feels when they are assertive can also cause someone to hold on to resentments.  If a person doesn't have other ways to build their self-esteem, feeling resentful and then remembering their response may become their way of boosting their courage.  Over time, resentment spreads until a person feels the need to resent almost everything to feel control and satisfaction.

  1. Groups

According to a Stanford University study, people have more control over their emotions than they know but often release that control to a group. If everyone around you is resentful of someone or something, you may start to feel resentment, too, even if you haven't been personally harmed.  Additional research is needed to determine if this "group think" is based on the general need for respect and acceptance.

People hold on to resentments because sometimes, the initial feeling of resentment helps them cope. They may also feel disrespected or rejected.  If the situation isn't resolved, resentment can grow into a long-term outlook and feeling. 

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It can be so hard to express to someone how they may have hurt you, especially if they are a person you care about or have cared about. Confrontation is something that most people find uncomfortable. Still, a person's feelings are important, and when trying to maintain a relationship, they should be important to the other party.8783276668?profile=RESIZE_400x

According to The Stone Foundation Counselling Group, the time to confront someone is when an issue will not leave you alone. Essentially, if you cannot stop thinking about the wrong done to you by someone, it is time to confront them. Of course, the best way to make sure such a confrontation brings the matter to rest is to ensure the discussion is done in a healthy, productive way. ( 

Make Sure You're Safe

According to Professor Preston Ni, the first step in any confrontation is to make sure you feel safe. Of course, not every confrontation has a risk of becoming dangerous, but any concern regarding personal safety taking steps is needed.

If the other person has exhibited violent behavior in the past, do not confront them alone. If you need support, make sure you have some and make sure you feel secure in the place you are interacting with the person who has wronged you. ( 

Try To Start The Conversion In A Positive Way

Whatever the relationship, be it professional, family, or romantic, try and begin the confrontation with a positive statement regarding how you hope to improve things. This is true even if this is a confrontation with a former partner. The aim is to let the other person know that you are not there to attack them but rather explain how you feel.

Explain How You Feel

The best way to move forward in a healthy confrontation is to explain your feelings to the other person without pointing fingers and placing blame. Tell them that you feel a certain way when they do a particular thing. The key is for them to understand that the action they have taken or tend to take makes you sad, angry, frustrated, anxious, basically whatever emotion it is you feel. 

Be Prepared To Compromise

Enter into the confrontation with a willingness to be flexible. Perhaps they didn't realize that they made you feel a certain way. Give them some benefit of the doubt and use statements such as "I might not have understood" or ``Here's how it came across to me" The important thing is not to make this an attack but a chance to understand each other.

Work Together

Try and create an understanding that you want to work together to get beyond this situation. They have wronged you and made you feel bad, but you show a willingness to understand them if they will understand how you feel. Just because there has been conflict in the past does not mean that it must continue moving forward.

Offer Up Solutions

If there is a relationship of some type moving forward, it is vital to be clear and open about what you would like to happen in the future. This should not be a list of demands but rather a clear conversation relating to what you can do together to make the relationship healthier. Offer up ideas and be prepared to listen to any that is given in return. The key is to find a compromise and find a way to work on this situation together.


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We will inevitably face situations and encounter individuals who generate feelings of anger within us but learning to counter those feelings and manage them appropriately is key to healthy development and coping. 8774049101?profile=RESIZE_400x

Anger management exercises are an excellent way to go about this process. Research has shown that anger management exercises are linked to improved well-being and reduce the number of angry outbursts experienced. Thus, learning about anger management exercises and implementing the right combination of exercises is essential to controlling anger and preventing anger from controlling you. 

Deep Breathing 

When we experience negative emotions such as anger, we typically experience a rapid increase in our breathing. A quick and relatively simple way to regulate our mood is to control our breathing. 

Consciously slowing and deepening our breathing can bring us back to a calm state that helps us manage our emotions. You can accomplish this by breathing slowly and deeply from the belly. Repeat as many times as needed to generate calm. 

Physical Activity

Getting the body moving is another way to stimulate calm and manage feelings of anger. Research shows that exercise can reduce stress and anxiety, which can keep anger at bay. 

Regularly exercising each day/week is a great way to deal with anger that may pop up preemptively, but in moments where you feel unexpectedly angry, getting physical on the spot can also be an immediate step to take to deal with how you feel. Something as simple as going for a walk/run or doing yoga can release hormones that stimulate feelings of joy and calm and work to combat anger. 

Progressive Muscle Relaxation 

Progressive muscle relaxation is a way to release tension in the body that tends to get stored up when a person is angry and upset. This technique involves slowly tensing up and then relaxing one muscle group in the body at a time.

An easy method is to start at the top of the head and move down to the toes. By going through this process, tension is gradually reduced, stress released, and anger decreased. 

Avoiding Triggers 

One of the best methods for managing anger is understanding what your triggers are and taking measures to avoid them beforehand. When we know those things and people that tend to lead us towards feelings of anger, we can take proactive steps to limit our interactions, create space/distance, or avoid altogether. 

Active Listening 

Often, the anger we feel towards a situation or individual is because we don’t have a complete understanding of the situation or what is trying to be communicated by the individual. Listening to understand or taking a pause during a situation to assess and process can prevent you from making unfair or faulty assumptions. With a proper understanding of the situation or information, you might find that you’re not upset after all. 

Via these strategies, you can manage and even conquer your anger. For some, just one of these strategies may be effective, while other people might need to combine multiple techniques to deal with their anger. 

Either way, finding what works for you will help you be less reactive and better able to deal with unpleasant situations and challenging individuals in healthy and appropriate ways.

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The resentment you feel when someone hurts you physically, mentally, or emotionally can cause lasting damage and reduce your quality of life. According to psychologists and life coaches, holding on to resentments can make you:8771183862?profile=RESIZE_400x

  • Deeply Disappointed
  • Less Trusting
  • Blame Others

When you feel that you’ve been mistreated, the disappointment you feel can extend not only to the person who hurt you but, over time, to other people and aspects of your life.  Resentment can also make you less trusting of others and blame other people for your circumstances.  Resentment is unhealthy, and letting it go is crucial to your peace of mind. 

How can you let go of resentments?  When you’ve been hurt, it may be hard to heal and move past the pain.  Here are five strategies to let resentments go, based on research and studies by scientists.

  1. Dig Deeper

Based on clinical work highlighted in Psychology Today, the first strategy to let resentments go is to dig deeper into why you feel resentment. Resentment is a combination of anger and hate.  Those emotions also have an underlying cause, either fear and hurt. 

Ask yourself why you feel resentment.  What was the situation that made you feel this way?  When you think about it, the actions that started your resentment probably hurt you emotionally, mentally, or physically.  What did those actions take from you?  That’s fear.  Feeling like you lost respect, status, or safety are all fear-based responses.

The next step is to consider the intention of the person who hurt you.  Were their actions overtly trying to hurt you?  Or did they unknowingly do something that triggered your feelings of fear and anger?  Attempts to hurt you are abuse and should not be tolerated.  But what you perceived as an indifferent, cold, or unhelpful action from someone may not be what they intended. 

When you consider the reason someone acted a certain way towards you, you may be able to let go of resentments associated with minor annoyances. Talking with the other person and expressing how you feel, using “I” statements instead of blaming, and working towards a positive solution can help you let go of resentments.

  1. Express Anger in Healthy Ways

Your feelings of resentment about a person or a situation may be entirely justified but holding onto resentments isn’t healthy. Anger is a natural human emotion.  Refusing to express or deal with your anger is not healthy either.  Instead, find ways to express your anger that allow you to release it.  According to research published in The Journal of Medicine and Life, holding onto anger and resentment has multiple health risks, including heart disease, diabetes, and eating disorders.  Here are some healthy ways to release anger instead:

  • Keep a Journal
  • Exercise
  • Talk with a Trusted Friend
  • Paint, draw, or Forms of Art
  1. Self-Care

Resentment comes from being hurt. That means you will need to take care of yourself to heal.  There are many self-care techniques available to help you decrease stress, lessen psychological pain, and release anger.  These techniques may also help you grow stronger so you can better manage future situations that might make you feel resentment.

  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Deep Breathing
  • Getting Enough Rest
  • Spend Time in Nature
  • Laugh
  • Treat Yourself
  1. Forgiveness Therapy

Forgiveness therapy is a process designed to help you let go of resentments. By working with a trained therapist, you can learn how to examine why you feel resentments, how to let go of them, and how to protect yourself in the future.  Forgiveness therapy is a specific type of therapy for people who have experienced trauma, pain, and hurt, leading to resentments.

  1. Other Professional Therapy

The American Psychological Association offers other forms of therapy through psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors. Resentment is not the only unhealthy behavior associated with pain and suffering.  Professional therapists can help you let go of resentments and deal with other issues affecting your quality of life.  Examples of therapies available include:

  • Anger Management
  • Alcohol and Drug Addiction
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
  1. Spiritual Exercises

Practicing your Spiritual beliefs is a very powerful way of letting go of resentments. Find a spiritual advisor and follow their direction. Let them walk you through the feelings and resolve the grievances. In no way does using a spiritual approach negate the first five strategies—just the opposite. On your spiritual journey to peace of mind, you will use the first five strategies at various points in your healing from your resentment.

There are ways to let go of resentments.  Resentment will impact your life in negative ways left untreated. 

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The emotion of resentment is essentially a ball of our most negative feelings. According to Web. M.D. people feeling resentment experience feelings of anger, frustration, hostility, bitterness, hard feelings, and uneasiness. It does not feel good to be resentful. It can even affect your health and wellbeing adversely.8771152661?profile=RESIZE_400x

A quote by Deepak Chopra beautifully wraps up resentment for what it is "What we don't recognize is that holding onto resentment is like holding onto your breath. You'll soon start to suffocate."

So, how do you deal with this toxic emotion? The answer is simple when you consider that it consists of negativity; it's even scientific - the solution is to combat it with positivity.

Forgiveness Is Key

According to the Mayo Clinic, if we are unable to practice forgiveness, we will likely be the ones who suffer the most. One of the main components of feeling resentful is wanting to exact revenge for the harm done by someone else.

To remedy this, we need to take a firm stance against those kinds of thoughts we need to make ourselves forgive. Replacing those feelings of anger and frustration with forgiveness and releasing a need to retaliate sets us free. (

There are many benefits to forgiving someone for what they have done to us, and these include:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Stronger mental health
  • A decrease in stress
  • Healthier heart
  • A boost to physical immunity
  • Increased self-belief

Some may feel like forgiving is letting the person who wronged them off the hook, but this is an incorrect assessment. We need to understand that when we cannot control the things we want to, we must choose to manage what we can.

The truth is we may never get the apology we deserve or the recognition for our hurt feelings, but we can control how we choose to react. When we choose forgiveness, we take back our power, and, in the process, we gain back our self-respect. 

The Power of Empathy

The loving emotion of empathy is essential in letting go of our resentment, as strange as that may sound. According to psychologist Judith Orloff M.D., empathy is when we reach out our hearts to others and place ourselves in their shoes. The wise Dalai Lama once called empathy the most precious of human qualities. (

We should consider how the people who have wronged us feel and try to understand why they did what they did. If we only consider how we feel, we never truly understand the "why" of a situation. It is important to use empathy to understand if someone is lashing out because of their pain. The hurt visited upon you may never have been intentional. This resentment may be due to a misunderstanding that has grown out of control.

The important aspect is that empathy helps us more fully understand a situation and may help in learning to forgive. Even if using empathy does not find a valid excuse for the harm someone has inflicted, it can at least give you closure in understanding that it wasn't your fault. We must learn to have enough love to be empaths and forgive not only others but also ourselves.

Final Thought

Love is the polar opposite of hate, and hate is one of the root causes of resentment. We, therefore, need to use love and compassion to combat our feelings of resentment if for no other reason than to make our own lives better.

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We all have that one situation that sticks with us, either because something terrible happened or because we felt embarrassed. This is a normal part of being human, but when does it become abnormal to which we still can't seem to forget something that has happened? If you still can't let go of something after years, this could be because you have trouble letting go.8771074891?profile=RESIZE_400x

  1. Your Negative Emotions Concern You

When something terrible happens in your life, it's expected that you will have negative emotions for a while following the event. If your event is the loss of a relationship, psychologists say the period of grieving changes based on the relationship's length and depth. So how do you know when it's gone on too long? 

Simple, it's gone on too long when even you think it has. If your negative thoughts seem excessive even to you, well, then you have an issue letting go, and it may be time to seek some outside assistance. 

  1. You Can't See Past What Happened 

Maybe it's been years, but every day you wake up, and for a second, you can't believe it happened. This is very common in people who have lost a partner or a family member in a traumatic and sudden manner. If the event that occurred is still clouding your every thought throughout the day years later, then it's definitely time to admit that you may have a problem. 

  1. You Fantasize About Other Outcomes 

At first, it may be normal to ask yourself the "what ifs" of what may have happened had the outcome been different. But if you find yourself still asking about the "what ifs" months and years into the future, it's a sign that the event is still on your mind, and you haven't entirely accepted its occurrence yet. It would help if you remembered that life goes on, and there is no way to go back and change what has happened. Until you recognize this, you will never be able to move on. 

  1. You Can't Forgive Those Involved 

If the event involved someone else, say a friend or family member, and you find yourself still angry at them every time you think of them, this is a sure sign that you haven't forgiven them yet. Forgiveness is a significant part of learning to let go of the negative feelings which hurt us. Sometimes if the event you can't let go of is the death of a family member or friend, you may find that spending some time learning about who they were helps you humanize them and be able to forgive them more easily. 

  1. You Still Haven't Forgiven Yourself 

The primary sign that you are having trouble letting go of something is that you haven't yet forgiven your role in the situation. To forgive others, you will need to learn to forgive yourself first. 

Venting to and having the support of family and friends can help with this step. Suppose you are still having trouble and are experiencing some of the other concerns on this list. In that case, it may be time to involve the outside help of a spiritual advisor, therapist, or other mental health professional. 

No matter what the event may have been, if you find yourself having trouble letting go of something, this can be a very serious problem. If left unchecked, negative emotions wreak havoc on our well-being. If you found a lot of these red flags in your own life, it may be time to admit that you need to seek outside help to learn to let go of a situation.

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