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Sorry. 

It was out of your mouth before you could even think about it, but now that you’ve had a second to consider what just unfolded, you realize it wasn’t your fault. You were walking through the mall, and the other person ran right into you because they were too busy looking at their phone. Yet, you apologized, and they kept on walking without uttering a word. 

Does that mean that you are a people pleaser? Well, it might. 

There’s more to it, of course. It isn’t just about immediately saying sorry to someone, even if it’s not your fault. What people-pleasing is, is a difficulty in establishing your boundaries. It’s something that everyone struggles with at some point, but people-pleasers find it downright exhausting.

Often, the act is motivated for a desire for approval or validation. They are insecure in relationships, in their job, and that makes them more likely to conform to the expectations of others. You might not want to bend to the opinions of others. You find it too hard to say no. It’s common for people-pleasers to accept blame, even when it’s not their fault. Even if it means protecting someone who hurt them, it can adversely affect people who have mental health issues and those who don’t. 

Working hard to please others might help you nourish everyone else. It doesn’t, however, allow you to nourish yourself. 

Your emotional life is just as important as your physical self. When you focus on everyone else without turning the attention to you, you’re suffocating yourself.                       

 The Dangers Of People Pleasing

You probably think that you look helpful, you appear generous, that’s the mark of a people pleaser. However, there’s a big difference between these things. Genuine generosity comes from real happiness, from enjoying the happiness of others. That isn’t what people-pleasing is. People-pleasing is down to the desire to gain the approval of others. It’s from a place of low self-worth. 

People-pleasing makes you subservient to others. It’s a desire to gain approval. That, for many, can be debilitating. It can be difficult to be independent and take a stand for themselves or their beliefs. They are too insecure to do so, and this comes from basing their self-worth on the opinions of others. There are many issues that this can stem from – including abusive relationships, childhood trauma, or other toxic/traumatic events. 

 It’s Okay To Put Yourself First 

Women commonly fall into the trap of people-pleasing. They feel under pressure to behave a certain way because it’s how they’ve been socialized from birth. It’s dangerous. There have been a number of studies on how this type of behavior negatively impacts health. One study found that people will eat more if they feel like it’s pleasing to others, even if they’re full or don’t want to eat (https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.2012.31.2.169). While another study found that there was a link between obesity and people-pleasing due to negative coping skills (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1038/oby.2009.376). 

There are a number of other ways people-pleasing impacts your wellness, from failing to recharge your batteries and rest when you need to or falling into unhealthy relationships. It affects your ability to thrive. 

It’s vital that you know what you are responsible for and what you’re not responsible for. It’s up to you to set your boundaries and assert them. It’s all about protecting yourself. It’s not your responsibility to shoulder the expectations, judgment, or duties of others. It’s bad for you, and it’s bad for others. 

Do you suspect that you’re a people-pleaser? Start practicing telling people no.

Let's say you have a strong grasp on just what an impact being kind can have on your life and how easy it is to perform small acts of kindness to help others. It’s not always apparent what a difference such positive deeds can mean to them. You may never see the person again. They may be so involved in their problem they did not say Thank You.

This happened to me this week. I needed to give my complete attention to what I was doing. I wrote a check and the lady came back and said that she made a mistake and I still owed $.75. I did not think I had it.  A lady behind me said she would give it to me. Without turning around I said, “I have it.” I need to stay focused on the paperwork as I was not familiar with it. I completed my task with no mistakes. Walked out and got to my truck and said to myself “you never thanked that lady for offering to help. I walked back in and told the lady I was sorry for not saying thank you and how much I appreciated her offer. As I write this it has become apparent to me that I brightened her day by the effort I made to come back and thank her. Here are some of the ways a little kindness can make a difference in someone’s life. 

Provide Hope

Taking a little of your time to do something for someone can often provide a great deal of hope during a difficult time. We all are carrying some pain the paradox is that we lighten our own load by lightening the person you meets load. That person may be at the breaking pointready to call it quits they asked God for a sign. God impressed the thought on you to do something for them. It is not so much what you do as that you did it. When someone makes the effort to show compassion, it can give someone who is struggling the hope to believe things will get better. Never underestimate how important that can be.

Instill Belonging

We all feel alone sometimes. During these stretches, it’s an amazing feeling when someone reaches out to show us that we’re not completely on our own. By providing kindness to someone, you might actually be giving them a connection to the outside world that really matters. Even the smallest effort on their behalf is a move in their direction. That move can mean the world, especially if someone doesn’t have a lot of close connections in their life or they are feeling particularly lonely for some reason.

Acts of kindness also are simple reminders that we care about others. Again, there are more lonely people in the world than you may realize. Perhaps you’re dealing with some isolation yourself. In addition, modern society can seem extremely fast-paced, with people focusing only on their own bottom line and happiness. Taking the time to be considerate toward people shows them that someone cares about their well-being and that they matter in this world. We all want to feel cared for.

Bring Happiness

Being kind spreads happiness and light in a world that can be too full of darkness. It usually leads a person to smile, if only for a moment. That feel-good gesture can produce an effect that lasts into the future, though. Any bit of happiness you can bring to someone is a good thing. We should all strive to make someone happier whenever possible.

We truly can never know what another person is experiencing. A small act of kindness can make a tremendous difference in someone’s life in so many ways. These are just a few examples to consider as you move forward in your own practice of kindness.

The best place to start spreading kindness is within your communities. Reaching out is more comfortable with people, you know. Giving the folks you regularly encounter a “Good Morning” and a smile is a simple start that goes a long way. Smiling is contagious. When you begin setting a good example by saying good morning with a smile every time you meet someone, you are training them to smile and say good morning.  It is human nature, and they will have little choice but to pick up where you left off and continue the spreading of good deeds. Let me explain what I mean by “communities” and how you can become a kindness leader within your circles.

Types of Communities

We often think of our community as being where we live, and this is definitely the case. Your city or neighborhood is one community you belong to, but the term is much broader than just geography. The core of your community is its people. Any commonality that brings people together can be considered a community. This can be your work colleagues, your group of friends who get together regularly, your blood relatives, or some other group entirely. Perhaps your community revolves around a common interest, such as sports or hobbies. We will define community as where two or more are gathered together.

Be a Kindness Leader

You can be a kindness leader in your communities. A leaderis where others look for motivation and direction. By your leadership, you’re providing examples to the people around you how it’s done. They’ll see you as the person who spreads good, positive vibes. They may even seek to emulate your example. After all, kindness is contagious. Remember?

Ways to Get Started

Getting started as a kindness leader within your communities is quite simple. It doesn’t mean finding a stage and preaching kindness. All you have to do is show generosity to those you encounter throughout your groups, and people are bound to take notice. You can encourage others to get involved by sharing your stories of giving and how it makes you feel to give back. You can get on a stage by working on getting others involved through volunteer efforts formally. Set up a fundraiser for a friend within your tribe. Organize a volunteer effort among your pals for a cause of common interest to everyone. You’ll soon see folks want to engage in their acts of kindness.

Doing good within your communities brings people together. Performing acts of kindness within your groups and encouraging others to do the same will benefit you all in many ways. You’ll build bonds while helping others.

There are a lot of troubles facing the world today. With COVID and pandemic anxiety-causing upheaval in our lives, we can easily get lost in all the fear and negativity. This does not help our peace of mind, nor does it promote serenity and inner peace.

For those with kids forced to learn remotely due to the pandemic, this year's back to school certainly looks much different than ever before. Your kids are likely anxious too, and uneasy because their routine is no longer routine.

It is okay to take your mind off all the bad news. It is okay to not watch the news this week. AND it is okay to take some time for yourself and do something fun!

Here are some ideas for five fun things you can do to get your and your family's mind off your troubles.

1. Comedy movie night with your family. Grab the popcorn, get a hilarious DVD, or find one on your favorite movie streaming service and laugh. Laughter is a known healer. According to Mayo Clinic, "Whether you're laughing at a sitcom on TV or quietly giggling at a newspaper cartoon, laughing does you good. Laughter is a great form of stress relief, and that's no joke."

According to Help Guide, "With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health. Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use."

2. Game night. Games are fun to play in groups, and there are many to choose from, including the good ole tried and true charades. Gather your family or a couple of friends and have a ball.

3. Create a hiking treasure hunt. Find a nature spot near your home and go and hide some stuff out there. Create hints for those you invite to find the stuff and give a prize to the first person to gather everything on the list. This is a great activity that you can do with your kids, family members, and friends. It also gets you outdoors where nature can help clear your mind and reduce stress.
   
   According to Stress.org, "A study by Science Direct found that spending time outdoors can help improve mental health. According to their research, nature excursions can help alleviate feelings of time pressure and mental stress."

4. Cook a gourmet meal and have a family formal dinner party. If you like to cook but never had the time, now is a great time to make that gourmet meal. Gather the recipes, shop, and get cooking. Have your family, including the kids, engage in the cooking, and set up process. Get out the fine china and have a formal dinner party with formal attire and all. This is a great experience for the kids to have and something they are not usually exposed to. If you are single, do the same by inviting a couple of friends over.

5. Puzzle Night. You likely have not put a puzzle together for a long time. Puzzles are a great learning tool for the young and old. You need to look at pictures more closely. Puzzles develop the ability to plan, test ideas, and memory skills. You will look at the shapes, color, and size of the pieces. It is a great group activity.

Don't wallow in your troubles, distract your mind, and have some fun! It's good, your mind, body, and spirit!

Continuing with your goals after experiencing severe failures is not easy, and it may seem impossible. Nonetheless, there are quite a few things you can do to ensure you keep working on turning your dreams into reality, no matter how many times you fail.

If you master the seven things that have the power to help you remain motivated to continue reaching for your dreams, you will be unstoppable. No form of failure can get in the way of succeeding in anything you do.

1. Look at the failure from a different perspective.

   “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill. We all experience failure from time to time. The difference between quitters and those who continue working on their goals is that high-achievers know that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail. It only matters how you choose to respond to failure. 

The world’s famous high-achievers reached their breakthroughs after experiencing severe failures because they decided never to give up. Steven Spielberg is an American film director, producer, and screenwriter who is one of the most famous producers and directors in film history with a net worth of 3,6 billion USD in 2020. 

None of what he has accomplished would have been possible if he gave up on his dreams or himself after being rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film, and Television three times. He knew what he wanted to accomplish and kept moving forward. Today he has won over 15 awards, and he also co-founded DreamWorks pictures along with other outstanding achievements. 

2. Take valuable lessons from the bad experience.

   Every failure comes with an important lesson that can get you a step closer to your goal. You just have to recognize what that lesson is. Thinking “What valuable lesson can I take from this” will always help you look at failure from a different viewpoint. 

3. Keep moving.

    I understand how difficult believing in something that didn’t turn out the way you expected is. Nonetheless, no matter what happens, you have to keep believing in what you intend to accomplish if you are going to make it happen. Keep believing and keep moving, even if it means taking the smallest steps. The little steps you take after a disappointment will add up in the long run, and you will be grateful for them. 

4. Do not let the failure define you.

   One mistake you can make after an awful defeat is to let the fact that you failed at what you were working on define you. If you do that, you will be blind to the things that you can change and spend most of your time thinking about the things you have no control over. Think of failure as a stepping stone toward your destiny instead of letting it define you.

5. Have a strong support system.

   Sometimes you need a mentor telling you that everything will work out fine in the end. It is that kind of assurance that can make a huge difference in your life. Surround yourself with people who will be there for you when you need them. Strengthen ties with people who are more inclined to say, “This is hard, but you can still come up from it” as opposed to “At least you tried, you gave it your best.” 

6. Rediscover your energy and zeal.

   What is the main thing that has the power to revive your spirits and get you excited about your goals or life in general? That is what you need to be doing when you feel you don’t have the strength to go on. If you are empowered by spending some time alone, try going on a vacation and make sure you leave your life behind once you arrive. Your next best idea can come up when you are away from everything and just focusing on yourself. 

7. Come up with a different plan.

    Your failure may have been caused by the plan you have in place or your implementation of it. Consider coming up with a different plan or another way of executing the strategy you already have in place. Sometimes all you need to succeed is a different approach.

'Your success in any endeavor depends on your willingness to never give up, even when the reward is delayed.' - Harvey Mackay.

Susan B Anthony was an advocate for American women's rights to vote in the late 1800s. The majority opinion was that women didn't have to vote or be equal to men. They labeled anyone who wanted to change that notion a troublemaker. For that reason, some admired Susan while others despised her. She let nothing deter her, soldiering on until she had a significant following. At one gathering thrown in honor of her work, she received flower bouquets and joked about a particular time in her political career when people had thrown plenty of things at her, which were not flowers. Before her death, people asked Susan if her pursuits had been worth all the things she had gone through. Her answer was a definite yes. They enacted the law allowing women to vote around 1920, several years after her death. American women and the rest of the world, in general, will always attribute their ability to vote in the present and future times to Susan's persistence and determination to fight the system on their behalf.

Perseverance separates the success stories from failures. It separates the winners from the quitters. Any exceptional person significant enough to write about in the world's history books has faced tremendous challenges in their various pursuits. What clinches success is the determination to win despite those challenges. We should never leave success to chance or luck—Hard work, persistence, and an attitude that refuses to take no for an answer shape it.

Why perseverance is essential.

Everyone wants success in whatever they start, but we forget the hardships lying on the path to that success. Here is what separates us. Some make a decision with their heart, and others use their emotions to start towards their goal.  A frothy emotional appeal will get you to the point where the trials come. If you made a decision with your heart, no matter what gets in your way, you would surmount it. We are human enough to fall short of our goals a couple of times, despite our meticulous planning and goal-getter mindset. Any failure you encounter will chip away at your confidence and self-belief. It becomes easier to believe that you do not have what it takes, and that results in a great temptation to throw in the towel and settle for something less risky.  

The road to success is not a straight line. It requires a level of alertness to navigate the bumps and steer clear of the failure-sized manholes waiting for your fall. Perseverance takes you to your destination despite those setbacks. What guarantees you success is getting up after every fall. Determination and persistence mean you will fight for your dream, despite the temptation to give up. It means that you know that the journey is rough but will risk the discomfort to get the rewards when you reach your destination.

Rewards of perseverance.

• Reaping the fruit of your labor.

Agricultural metaphors can represent the story of success. There is a lot of groundwork before you can see the harvest. The planning stage is preparing the land. Next, you plant something to reap. Part with something of yourself in your pursuit of success, pouring it into the ground and waiting for it to yield fruit. After that, nurture the plant by watering it regularly and weeding out whatever is hindering it from growing. Invest in your dream by watering it with the required resources. See what has the potential to choke or compete with your vision and weed it out. All processes involved are not glamorous. They demand hard work and persistence. Only then can you expect fruit to break forth. You also need to be patient, as fruits will not grow overnight. Pour what you can into your dream and be patient before you quit. 

• Building confidence for future

Accomplishing a challenging task will bring you a lot of confidence when you tackle the next leg of your journey. Your excitement to take on more tasks comes from knowing that you persevered in previous endeavors, including those that seemed impossible. You develop the confidence to deliver better on your goals. This also does wonders for your repertoire. You can give your clientele reasons to choose you over your competitors when you articulate your past successes. Eventually, you come highly recommended in your sphere, which is the greatest reward for anyone whose dreams offer a service to others. Persevering and winning because of it will always open doors for the future.

• You learn more about who you

The journey to achieving your goals is often long and trying. Being determined to succeed teaches you a lot about who you are. If you quit easily, you get to know your low threshold for patience. If you persevere, you also get to learn about your strengths and limitations, so you can work the strengths to your advantage and find ways through your limitations.

Rewards are not always instant, but with perseverance, they are a guarantee.

Be willing to persist in the face of challenges, and you will be well on your way to success.

Never give up if you know you are right.

Remain courageous and confident when you know the odds are against you.

Permit no one to intimidate you or shake your belief in yourself.

Take new courage and resolve from the many successful people who faced incredible challenges to find greatness.

Don’t fall into blaming

The first thing we typically do when something goes wrong is to blame. We blame others or ourselves, depending on the situation, but blaming does no good whatsoever. It’s a waste of energy and keeps us focused on the problem, not the solution. Notice when you feel you want to blame or self-judge and come back to how you can solve the problem instead.

Don’t give up - let go
You may feel like giving up when it feels like the sky is falling in. But what is the alternative? Rather than giving up the possibility of feeling happy or your dreams for the future, let go of your attachment to them. This means you should go ahead and dream and take action that can make those dreams into a reality. But, don’t buy into the belief that if they don’t happen, that you won’t be able to be happy.

Don’t numb yourself

There are many ways we numb ourselves to the pain we feel throughout our lives. Of course, we could use drugs or alcohol, but even more often, we use keeping incredibly busy or tuning out by watching TV or playing mindless games. Even though it’s not fun, it’s essential for your healing to experience the pain that you feel. Unless you do that, the pain will stay with you in various forms until you allow yourself to feel it. 

Don’t isolate yourself

When we are scared, embarrassed, or worried, our instinct is to hide away to lick our wounds. Of course, there is a time for that - a time when we need to be alone with our feelings and thoughts, but it’s too easy to stay in that place of isolation far longer than is healthy. The less connection we feel to family and friends, the more depressed we become. This almost always increases our feelings of fear and worry. So, make a point to be around the positive, supportive people in your life, even when you don’t feel like it. 

Don’t hang out with negative people

When you feel like life sucks, you are more vulnerable than at other times when life seems rosy. Being around people who are always complaining or blaming is a sure way to make yourself feel worse. Know that it’s okay to say ‘no thanks’ to invitations that you know will end up in a complaining or back-biting session. Instead, get together with people who support your dreams and visions of the future.

If success were accessible without hard work and determination, life would be uninspiring. It would be easy to commit to multiple pursuits because we would be overconfident in our ability to win at everything. The only problem with this would be difficulty in finding your niche and mastering a specific field. 

Setbacks pave the journey to fulfillment and challenge us to fight harder for our dreams. Victory is always much sweeter if accompanied by stories of the struggle along the way. There is something about stories of persistence and perseverance that inspire one to put all the effort to assure victory.

Never lose sight of the vision.

If your vision is important to you, you will not quit at the first sign of resistance or rejection. Giving up shows holes in your conviction. We often drive our children to succeed at the exact things we quit and failed at.  Your dream should inspire you to fight setbacks instead of imposing your dream on your children. It is, therefore, imperative to keep sight of the end goal at all times so that the stumbling blocks do not entice you to quit. If failure comes to a person determined to win at all costs, its impact is less likely to derail the vision. It becomes easier to pick yourself up, dust yourself up, and try again, which is the winner’s mindset.

Do not camp around failure. 

Thomas Edison tried over a thousand ways to build a light bulb and never failed once. What most people call failure, he called it, finding things that did not work. We use electric light bulbs in this present age as a testament to his perseverance. Had he chosen to quit at the tenth or nine-hundredth trial, his name would never have held any significance in the history books.

Behind every success story is a series of failures. The idea is drawing lessons from each one to help shape the dream better. When you fall in any endeavor, do not get comfortable on the ground. Do not over-analyze or second guess your ability. Instead, use failure as a light that shines on what works and what does not. When asked about the number of times he failed, Edison denied the label of failure and said he had just found a thousand ways not to build a bulb. Carry the same attitude, and you will persevere.

‘Do not change the goal; change the approach.’ Tony Robbins.

Patience pays.

The Chinese bamboo tree grows from a seed, which only breaks from the ground after five years. Imagine watering and nurturing a plant you cannot even see for five years. It is not a simple task, even though plenty is going on underground that you can not see. It takes a lot of patience and persistence to go through the whole routine year by year with no visible progress. If you drop the consistency of watering the seed at any point, it dies. In the fifth year, the seed breaks through the soil to grow upward at the recorded rate of three feet per day, which adds up to the full ninety feet of the famed tree being recorded within a month. Five years of labor with no results is easily swept away by the one month of remarkable growth.

It is equally important to be patient with your personal goals. You may not see the progress in the first few weeks or months or years, but if you are consistent in investing in your dream, the rewards have no choice but to come. Never drop the ball when watering and nurturing that dream, lest it dies before you can see the splendor of the impending victory. 

Do not cave even if you are the only believer left. 

As humans, we often depend on our family, friends, and colleagues for moral support. Sometimes, things can take an unusual turn from what we expected. It could take longer to build the dream. The same support system you started with can start doubting your vision. It often begins with slight hints that gradually become amplified. The first thing you will hear is, “at least you tried.” Understand they mean well when they say these things, but they are deadly. Get away from them. After that, they will start telling you to try a different avenue just because they do not see immediate results. Do not give in to those calls of defeat. If the vision is convincing, you would rather go it alone than give up because someone else does not believe in it. If you persist when they no longer believe, it is more rewarding when victory finally comes. The important thing is to stay the course, no matter how people around discourage you.

Quitting will always seem easier in the face of adversity, but easy always comes at a price. Giving up will always cost you as regret follows closely on its heel. You do not want to live with regret because you did not dare to push towards your dream.

Never stop doing what you love because you have encountered a snag in the race. Obstacle courses are more fun anyway.

To succeed, you might have to fail without giving in to the temptation to quit. Have the courage to go after what you want, regardless of the many times you will miss the mark. Seeing your dream come true will bring fulfillment in ways that will overshadow any failure you encounter. Giving up will only bring a lifetime of regrets. So instead of quitting when the going gets tough, push forward and claim your victory.

The myths around failure.

When people commit to their dream, the expectation is that passion, coupled with excellent planning, will prevent failure. The truth, however, is nothing worth pursuing is that predictable. Many unforeseen circumstances can still knock your legs out from under you, even with all the planning. You could expect setbacks and still be ill-prepared to handle them. Certain things might catch you off-guard. You need to accept that reality if you are to build resilience in the face of adversity.

At ten, doctors diagnosed Kieran Behan, a young boy with a dream to become an Olympic gymnast, with a cancerous tumor on his thigh. The doctors decided on an operation to remove the tumor, but it went so bad that he suffered nerve damage. He received the news that he would never walk again. With great determination, Kieran started his journey of recovery. After fifteen months in a wheelchair, he found his way back to the gym, only to slip from a top bar a few months later. He sustained a head injury that took him out of school for a year. His determination to become a professional gymnast saw him retraining his brain to get his co-ordination back. Years later, he persisted and qualified for the European Championships. Unfortunately, the strain he had put on himself had caused several fractures and a blown knee. The youthful man was ready to give in until he remembered his goal. He pushed himself past the pain to become the Challenge World Cup floor champion in 2011. He realized his dream of competing at the Olympics when he qualified as a contender in 2012. Though he never won the gold medal, the young man's resilience brought him where the expert doctors had said he would never walk. Kieran did not let anyone steal his dream from him.

Failure does not always mean that you should rethink the vision. Sometimes, it means your methods did not work the way you thought they would. It could be the right indicator towards a better way of tackling the work ahead. Do not quit because you failed once. Instead, give yourself room to fail a few more times before throwing in the towel. Somewhere along the way lies victory. Don't miss it just because you encounter a few stumbling blocks.

How to stay motivated when quitting is easier. 

• Remind yourself why you started.

Remember the excitement you developed upon discovering your passion? Everything seemed so possible, so within reach until you encountered the first few hurdles that showed you, it would not be a walk in the park. When you doubt yourself and your ability to perform well in your endeavors, take time to remind yourself why you chose that dream. Remind yourself of the strides made so far and how those achievements validated your pursuit. Remind yourself of how it felt to see things falling into place, and it will encourage you to jump right back into it.

• Keep your eyes on the prize. 

Many people lose sight of the bigger picture when things take a sticky turn. This loss of focus is dangerous as it amplifies failures. It becomes easier to compare your progress with your peers, and comparison seldom yields any good. Keeping the end goal within your sights will help the vision seem closer and more attainable. Visualize the feeling of contentment you will get once the rewards come through, and it will motivate you to pull through towards your victory. 

• Take the road less traveled.

Successful people are risk-takers. They will do what no one else is comfortable doing. Whatever seems daunting to the ordinary person is fodder for a winning mindset. While it is essential to plan, one can easily quit at the planning stage because they feel they are not up to the task. If you are going to win, you will need to perfect the art of leaping into challenging tasks before you are ready. Do not allow room for stagnancy. It only brings a greater level of discomfort and disappointment in the event of setbacks. Always stretch yourself to build resilience for adverse seasons. Set a few challenging goals that will shake off complacency and gear you up for tough times.

• When it's overwhelming, ask for help.

No man is an island. While you must be ready to pursue your passion alone, you will need others to achieve your dream. Surround yourself with a healthy support system. The kind that does not clip your freedom to try things and that is available to help build your confidence back up when things are not going your way. Find people who can provide a safe space in which you can discuss your fears with no fear of judgment or ridicule. Reach out to people who have gone ahead of you and find out how they stayed the course when faced with challenges of their own. Stay away from people who say, "well, at least you tried."

When quitting is tempting, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat, "I will not quit until I am living the life I dream of!"

If you are tired of giving up on your goals, relationships, work, or even yourself, do not despair because that is a positive sign that you are about to turn your life around. That is because the first step to getting rid of any bad behavior is by acknowledging that you need a change.

Getting rid of your quitting habits and achieving what you want demands that you have confidence in yourself as well as your ability to change. You have to move from an “I simply can’t get rid of this” attitude to an “Every bad habit can be replaced with a better one” philosophy.

Find Out What Normally Causes You To Quit And Avoid Giving Up When You Shouldn’t.

Why do you want to quit? What causes you to want to quit? Finding out the most truthful answers to these questions and addressing them can help you continue working on your goal and keep you from giving up. Once you ask yourself these questions, you may be surprised at the reason behind wanting to quit. You may have had a heated argument with your coworker concerning the project you are working on. Maybe you disagree on the next step to take, and you feel leaving is the best thing for you.

However, if you look at it objectively and with a clear head, is failing to reach an agreement a tangible reason for quitting?

The best thing you can do when you feel like calling it quits after an argument is to give yourself enough time to breathe and reflect on the disagreement when you are calm enough to think objectively. This will save you from making what may turn out to be the worst mistake later on.

Remember To Stop And Reflect On Why You Are Doing What You Are Doing So You Can Make The Right Decisions.

The main reason why quitting has become a habit is that you allow your feelings to get in the way of making sound decisions. When you feel you were not treated fairly or when you feel you don’t have the strength to continue working on your relationships, etc. you fail to remember the importance or significance of what you are doing. However, if you refuse to let your emotions interfere with your work, life, or decisions, you will be able to think objectively and to make the right decisions. Think about that the next time you feel like quitting.   

Instead of giving up on starting that new project or continuing with your degree, stop and reflect on your reasons for engaging in that particular work or field of study in the first place. The reason you started is good enough to keep you going.

Surround Yourself With Resilient People So You Can Adopt Their Positive Traits.

Surrounding yourself with strong-willed people who never give up will motivate you to become more like them, and it is one of the most effective ways of getting rid of your quitting habits. If you spend most of your time with complainers and people who never stick to their goals, you will learn their practices and assume quitting is normal.

Understand That Pausing And Resting Is A Necessity And It Doesn’t Mean You Are A Quitter.

Never underestimate the power of pausing from your work and resting when you are supposed to. Your quitting habits may have been brought on by the fact that you work overtime, or you have dedicated 99 percent of your time on “making things work” to the point of failing to slow down and relax. Overworking yourself and not giving yourself enough time to rest will force you to think you have done all that you possibly can, and the only option you have is to give up.

Disconnect from what you are working on for a few hours and give yourself enough time to rest and recharge. If you do that, you will be amazed at your productivity levels the next time you continue.

Keep in mind that resting is a necessity. It does not mean you are a quitter.

Life has a way of always making us doubt ourselves. It can rattle you until you feel like you cannot go on. That is probably the reason why we often feel the only way to survive is just to stop working towards our goals. The hope for progress, growth, and success dwindles until you decide throwing in the towel is the best decision you can make.

The art of giving up is one our minds learn over the years by meeting challenges and being subjected to failure and disappointments. Sometimes we get to a point where we conclude it is easier to let go now than deal with the pain of losing later—the repeated thoughts of quitting end up mapping a pattern in our minds. We get hammered into the irresistible cycle of giving up when challenged or when we meet the smallest huddle in our path.

In the mind of a quitter, the words perseverance, persistence, and determination become foreign. In the face of any adversity, the viable choice for quitters will always be to give up. When the mind is infested with the quitting bug, it automatically loses its fluidity, your mind becomes static and stops dreaming or looking beyond what you think are your capabilities.

Failure, just like success, can be predictable. Our actions and efforts determine the kind of result we are most likely to obtain. Once you have chosen to take the easy road, you automatically become a failure at whatever it is you were working on. Keep in mind that failing is not the worst thing that could happen to someone. If you fail once, try again next time, and you will have a double chance of succeeding.  However, once you quit, you have already reached the end of the line.

Quitters have their language; they speak in excuses as they try to justify their choices. Here are some of the most common phrases among quitters:

1. What if l fail?

The fear of failure paralyzes us. Thoughts of disappointments and shame hinder us from persistently working on our dreams. The only way to get over the fear of failure is to look at failure as an opportunity to learn and be progressive. You have to understand that in every path to success, risk-taking plays a significant role as well. Life in itself is a risk, so do not let the fear of failure turn you into a quitter.

2. I do not have the time now

This statement goes around a lot among quitters. In the face of adversity, when their goals and dreams are being challenged, as an escape plan, quitters try to lessen the blow before it comes by convincing themselves there isn’t enough time to accomplish the task at hand. They lack the patience and perseverance to keep trying and to keep investing time on the task in question.

3. There is no reason to go on

Often when things do not go our way, life throwing us curveballs and punches to the face, beat down and disappointed, we lose hope, but we must still find a reason to go on. We need to keep trying because, unlike quitters, winners always have a reason for getting back up and giving it yet another shot.

4. I am not good enough for this

Feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem are the main reason why people choose to give up fighting for what they believe in. Quitters often compare themselves to other people and conclude that they are less talented and less skilled than the next person.

5. I’m not smart enough

The ultimate power of our species is the ability to learn and acquire as much knowledge as we deem necessary to accomplish any task at hand. Once one puts their mind to it, there are no limitations. Impossible ceases to exist. In a quitter`s mind, it is impossible to learn and acquire the skills and knowledge required to finish the task they have started.

6. I can`t find motivation or inspiration

Most times, people end up giving up due to a lack of motivation, a lack of inspiration, or the external stimulation to keep going on. It is not wrong to get a push from the outside, but your whole will to accomplish a task should not be hinged on external motivation. Let the stimulus come from inside. Find the right reasons why you want to do that particular task and accomplish it. When things go sideways, that will always be your motivation.

7. Maybe it is not meant for me

When your mind is harboring the quitting bug, it is easy for you to blame it all on fate or luck.  This belief that what is meant to be yours will be yours requires no effort on your part. You forget that even that which is meant for you, you need to work towards it. Instead of working hard to accomplish a goal, you use “the other person is just lucky” as an excuse to quit.

8. No one understands what l am going through so they cannot help

Novelty is somewhat an illusion under the sun. Whatever you are doing or you are going through, someone has been there before. In moments when you feel like you cannot do it anymore, you ought to find a helping hand or council to avoid quitting.

9. They are doing better than l am

A comparison often births dissatisfaction. We start looking down on our effort and what we can do when we cross-reference with the next person. The only person you can compare yourself with for growth is you.

10. I am too tired

Too tired? But who isn`t, life drains us sometimes, but that shouldn`t mean you quit. Be patient with yourself, rest, and get back at it!!

Letting go of something that isn’t working does not mean you are a quitter, nor does it mean you are someone who gives up easily when things fail to turn out the way you want them to. “Let it go” is the best advice you can ever get when you are trying to hold on to something that isn’t benefitting you in any way.

Quitting is when you cease to do something that will benefit you in the long run because you feel you have failed too many times or because you think you don’t have what it takes. Nothing good can come out of giving up on something that you have worked extremely hard for or something that can affect positive change in your life.

Of all the many disappointments Jack Ma confronted in his life, getting rejected from 30 jobs was probably one of the worst. He applied for a job at KFC and was the only candidate whose application wasn’t accepted. At some point in his life, Jack Ma decided to start his own businesses and let go of seeking employment. Some of the companies he started failed, but he became extremely successful because of the other companies he built.

Today, Jack Ma has a net worth of over $43 billion. He is one of the most highly-influential people in the world, has many outstanding awards in business, technology, and academics. He is also the co-founder and former executive chairman of Alibaba Group.

Ma knew that letting go of something that isn’t working does not mean you are a quitter. He let go of seeking employment after deciding to create jobs and today, over 100 000 people have jobs because of that decision. He kept working on his businesses when other businesses had failed because he wasn’t a quitter.

Letting Go Is Necessary If You Are Going To Grow And Develop In Your Life.

If you are trying to save a relationship that is hindering your growth or one that’s lowering your self-esteem and causing you to doubt your strengths, you need to let it go. Refuse to dedicate your time and energy to things that do more harm than good. If you are still unsure of what your decision to quit your job, change your field of study, or continue working on your relationship means, here’s what you need to do:

• Consider why you want to stop doing what you are doing. If you wish to resign from your job because you are investing more than you are getting out, then that’s not quitting. If you have received a better offer, go ahead and move on without any feelings of guilt.

On the other hand, if the reason you want to quit working on that big project you were once excited about is that you are tired of failing, going ahead with your decision means you are a quitter. It does not mean you are letting go of something that isn’t working.

• Find out if the choice you are about to make is going to bring positive change in your life. If you are thinking of ending a relationship you have been trying to work on for years without any success, walking away does not mean you are quitting on your partner. It means you have realized the importance of not only looking out for the person you are with but the need to look out for yourself as well. If it brings you peace, a sense of relief, and the drive to go after your dreams like you once did, you need to let the relationship go.

Why do some people succeed where other, more talented people fail?

How is it that stars burn out and fail were others with lesser talents manage to excel?

People grasp at the newest trends, latest technology, and desperately hope that they can capture the magic of success. They find a role model to emulate, they study, and they strive, looking for success or the secret to unlocking it. There isn't a secret to success. Success doesn't always come down to creativity, strategy, intelligence, or talent. If it did, the valedictorian of your graduating class would be where Bill Gates is, instead of working a mediocre job complaining that everyone else has all the luck. 

The answer to this question will never change. When someone asks who will succeed? The answer will always be – the people who persevere. Let's look at the five characteristics of people who persevere.

1. Keep It Visible

Yes, people who persevere keep visual reminders of their goals nearby. Whether it's on their desk, fridge, or the dashboard of their car, it plants the seed of success in their mind and allows them to focus their attention on all of the things that will help them achieve their goal.

 They recognize that worry and stress destroy focus, so they find a way to manage their stress levels. They do this by using their time effectively, an ability supported by keeping reminders visible.

2. Technology

If you can't tame your use of technology, then it will quickly become your master. We might live in a highly connected world, but it's up to you to define the boundaries with regards to your time. Your phone might have notified you that a new email just came through, but that doesn't mean you have to change your focus to deal with it. People who persevere know that the only thing that should dominate their time are things that contribute to achieving their goals. 

3. Preparation

If you plan two, three steps ahead, then you have a good idea of what is going to come next. This helps you prevent complacency. With every new phase, one must consider what skills, experiences, knowledge, and relationships should be developed to succeed. That's something people who persevere do regularly.

In that planning, you can create a template of sorts to improve your consistency with tasks that you know you will repeat. It'll save you time, too. 

4. Questions

People who persevere ask a lot of questions, but not just any questions, the right questions. When you ask the right questions, you get the right answers, which is what helps you push on through whatever obstacle life may throw at you. 

5. Gravity

We tend to gravitate to the most obvious or dominant thought, and because it's dominant, we move to believe that it's true. At least, this is what people who persevere do when they're choosing goals that ignite their passions. They have this ability because they are in touch with their inner-world to the point where they know their values, they know what they believe, they know what they want, and their life is built around making it happen. 

They sharpen their focus, they focus on building their competence, and they allow their competence to ignite their passion. That's what people who persevere do. 

At the end of each day, ask yourself whether you have done something that left a lasting or positive impact. If you can't answer yes, then go out of your way to do something so that you can say yes. When it comes right down to it, you either will or you won't. It isn't about trying; it's about doing. That's what people who persevere understand.

We all go through tough situations where things seem not to work regardless of our invested efforts. We then wonder if the goal is worth all the trouble. Where we think it is indeed worth it, we ask ourselves whether we will succeed amid all obstacles. It is human nature to worry when things do not go as planned and, it is good to do evaluations and make adjustments where strategies are not yielding the expected results.

Sometimes our failures are so significant, discouraging, and embarrassing or, we doubt ourselves so much such that we are tempted to take the easiest way out of our discomfort, giving up. Many of us have been there and have probably given in to the temptation at some point. The question is, are you aware of how much is at stake as you give in to the urge to quit? It does not only mean the death of a dream, but it also affects you psychologically and makes quitting a lot easier in the future. Quitting is an indication that we have lost an inner battle. Sometimes we give up when we are closer to our dream than to where we started. Think of what Milton Hershey would have missed if he had given up after his third fail.

“Milton Hershey started three candy companies before Hershey's. Everyone knows Hershey's chocolate, but when Milton Hershey first started his candy production career, he was a nobody. After being fired from an apprenticeship with a printer, Hershey started three separate candy-related ventures and was forced to watch all of them fail.

In one last attempt, Hershey founded the Lancaster Caramel Company and started seeing tremendous results. Believing in his vision for milk chocolate for the masses, he eventually founded the Hershey Company and became one of the most well-known names in the industry.“ 6 Stories of Super Successes Who Overcame Failure. https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/

Of course, there are cases where it may not be wise to continue chasing a specific dream, changes in the market, for example. But, if you are to let a particular dream go, do not let it leave your bag of dreams empty. Dream even bigger and work even harder and smarter. Below are five signs that you have a quitting habit;

Unwilling to try a task or stick with it, fearing failure or making a mistake

1. You are easily discouraged when you face setbacks and give up without confronting a problem– this is common among people who doubt themselves or expect to have everything easy. They usually have a skewed view of reality or think that they do not have what it takes to make things happen. If you are one of those people, here are things you actually should be quitting, thinking that everything has to go smoothly and the idea that you are not good enough or something is not meant for you. Face your problems and find ways around them.

2. Fitting yourself into other people's stories – sometimes we listen too much to other people's stories and make them our reality. We spend time with people who do not help us grow. Let's say your friends have walked the same journey and have failed. How about you learn from their mistake and use them to improve your strategies? It does not matter how much you have in common with your friends. You are walking on different journeys. Draw boundaries as to how much you let other people's lives can affect you. You are different, and your experiences will be different according to your gifts and purpose.

3. You always have excuses – quitters often have reasons for not pursuing their dream or not making things work. They use excuses like 'everyone has it hard,' 'I was resisted' or 'I have too much on my plate right now' among many others to cover up for choosing to stay in their comfort zone instead of confronting their issues. Remind yourself; you might succeed in fooling everyone and yourself, but no one will stand up and make your life better for you. Do not entertain fear and feeling inadequate. Do not stop when resisted. It could just mean that it is not time yet, or it is not where you are meant to be, or that you were misunderstood.

4. Craving instant gratification – you want results now, whatever you do must start paying as soon as you start. With that mentality, you cannot have the patience to let something grow. And in some cases, even the greatest ideas are given up only because they will take too long to pay, and you cannot wait. Almost everyone starts small. The famous Apple began with two men in a garage but is now worth millions and employs all over the world.

5. Overthinking – over thinkers often see more than is necessary. They usually have a problem with every idea and can dismiss some ideas without even trying. As much as it is good to consider our strengths and weaknesses as well as opportunities and threats, we shouldn't let them be our obstacles themselves. Thinking at that level should help us identify possible obstacles and be prepared to deal with them.

"I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail, I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult. I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking." Og Mandino

A college study asked random people one particular question: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? The answers are what you would expect: 

• “I want to lose weight.”
• “I wish I knew my purpose in life.”
• “I wish I had better friends.”
• “I want to get ahead at work.”
• “I wish I wouldn’t put things off.”

What you might not expect is a single unifying factor behind every one of these things. What these people actually wish for is confidence. Knowing who you are and what you want out of life and finding the determination to do these things all boil down to feeling good about who you are as a person first and foremost. Every change you want to make is wrapped up in a more confident you. How do we know this? Simple. We look at what happens when self-confidence is gone. 

Without self-confidence, you stall out. You struggle to accomplish things, or even to get through the day. You might set goals, but you don’t realize them. In extreme cases, you become invisible, unnoticed at work when it comes time for promotion, or seen only lurking in dark corners at social functions. What’s worse, is 9 times out of 10, we’ve done it to ourselves. We’re killing our self-confidence every day by the very choices we make. 

What are some ways you might be taking down your confidence levels? 

You Surround Yourself with Negativity

Hanging around people who put down either you or your dreams is a big mistake. You can’t help but lose confidence when you’re always being told you’re wrong.

You Apologize More than You Need To

It’s one thing to say you’re sorry when you need to. It’s another entirely to take on everything as your fault. The minute you do that, you’re undermining yourself and your self-confidence by assuming you’re always in the wrong. 

You Talk Down to Yourself

Self-talk is a powerful thing. We lose confidence every time we say something negative about ourselves. 

You Become Omniscient

When you start thinking you know what others are thinking about you (usually negative), you’re assuming that you’re not worth knowing or interacting with. Frequently, this is coupled with the idea that you’re making a fool of yourself, or that your ideas have no merit. It’s no wonder your confidence has taken a hit. 

You Give In

It’s normal to be afraid sometimes. Living in fear though wipes out confidence entirely. You start thinking you’re not capable of handling situations or even taking care of yourself.

You’re Too Agreeable

Saying ‘yes’ to everything means you don’t value your time. This is one of those more subtle ways you tear down your confidence without even realizing it. 

You Hate to Fail Ever

To some people, there’s nothing worse than failure. With this mindset, you see only the disaster when things go wrong and probably take it personally. You destroy your confidence as a result. 

You Think Everyone Hates You

Much like being omniscient, you make assumptions about people. This time you’re telling yourself no one likes being with you. Sadly, if everyone else in the world hates you, it quickly becomes apparent you’re not too fond of yourself either. 

You Can’t Accept Compliments

When you start to rebuff compliments, by brushing them off, you deny a positive affirmation from an outside source. You’re also saying you’re not worthy of the compliment, thereby putting yourself down again and ripping into your confidence levels. 

You Try to Keep Up with the Neighbors

No matter how great your life, you’ll always be able to find someone better off than you. These comparisons tend to end in putting down your own life, as you chart your failures and try to figure out where you’ve gone wrong. 

You Only Settle For Perfection

Perfectionism tells you you’ll never be good enough. This kind of message creates a mindset of being a failure, annihilating confidence. 

You Don’t Set Boundaries

You can’t possibly think much of yourself if you let people walk all over you. When you do this, you’re saying your needs are unimportant. Worse, you’re telling yourself that you’re insignificant. It’s no wonder your confidence is a little battered.

You Close Yourself Off

When you’re not able to open up with people, you’re shortchanging both yourself and them. They never get a chance to know the real you, while you never allow them to affirm you in the ways you need. Worse, you’re telling yourself your opinions and feelings don’t matter when you always keep them to yourself. 

You Refrain from Forming Opinions

It’s essential to know what you believe. When you refuse to take part in a discussion on some issues, you’re negating your thoughts and feelings. This does not mean you get into every debate. You need to make sure there is some benefit to getting involved other than being able to say you won. 

You Live on Social Media

If you’re living vicariously through friends on your feed, you lack seriously in living your own life. You’ll start finding life is dull and even unimportant by comparison. Over time, this leads to the number one killer of confidence: Depression 

So, what can you do when you’ve knocked your self-confidence down to nothing and need to build it back up again? Try these simple tips: 

Clean Up Your Act

Take the time to tend to your bodily needs. Shower and brush your teeth. Exercise, eat right and get enough sleep. It’s easier to be confident when you’re feeling good.

Dress the Part

Much like grooming yourself, wearing clothes that make you feel good about yourself has a way of perking up your confidence very quickly. Clothes should be clean and neat, in good repair, and are something in which you feel good when wearing. 

Change the Picture

How do you see yourself? If you’re not happy with who you see when you look in the mirror, start picturing the person you want to be, rather than the person you think you are now. You’ll be amazed at what a change this makes in how you feel about yourself in the present. 

Fix Your Posture

A confident posture has a way of helping you to feel confident. So, stand up straight!

Smile

Smiles work the way posture does. When you smile, you appear confident. They also bring out your natural confidence if you give them time to work. 

Speak Well of Yourself

You wouldn’t bad mouth your best friend. Why are you putting yourself down? Focus on what you’re telling yourself. Even using affirmations might be helpful here, until you get in the habit of thinking better of yourself.

Drop the Negativity

Take the negativity right out of the conversation. Instead, reword negative statements into positive ones. For example, don’t say, “I never know what to say” but switch out to “I have important things to contribute to the conversation.” 

Do Someone a Solid

Helping someone else has the side effect of making yourself feel good. It’s a win-win situation as now the one you’re helping feels better too.

Do an Inventory

When self-confidence is low, it’s easy to think there’s not much good about you. Here’s where you need to take stock of things. Seriously look at yourself and list out the good stuff you’ve done or the traits you admire most. If you’re having difficulty with this, it might be easier to ask a close friend to help you with this step. Keep the list and read it often to remind yourself of these facts. 

Act ‘As If’

When you’re not feeling confident, sometimes it works to fake it. When you act as if you are self-assured and ready for action, surprisingly, your body tends to cooperate. The next thing you know, you’ll be feeling way more confident than when you started. 

Prep Yourself

When you need to do something complex, practicing beforehand will always make you feel more confident when the time comes to act. 

Take Your Time

Slow down. Taking time to speak or act, always makes you seem more confident to others. As a bonus, you’ll be feeling more confident because you’ll feel surer of your actions and words. 

Become an Expert

Nothing screams confidence like knowing what you’re talking about. Take the time to learn something well, until you feel like an authority on it.

Quit Complaining

Complaints put your focus on negative aspects to your life, dragging down confidence. Why even let yourself go there? 

Clean the Chaos

When you’re surrounded by clutter, you start to feel disorganized and even depressed. Taking time to declutter and neaten your surroundings helps you feel more in control of your life, and more confident.

Live Your Life

Over time, inactivity leads to the feeling that you’re not capable of doing anything at all. Getting out and about, working toward goals, and accomplishing things gives a sense of accomplishment. The more you experience all life has to offer, the more confident you’ll feel. 

Fixing self-confidence takes work, especially if you’ve been actively picking it apart for a while now. Be patient with yourself as you focus on changing things for the better. Like any habit, it’s going to take time to create the behavior you want. You might find the best thing to help you will be something you thought of while working through this list. Keep open to possibilities and remember this essential thing…You are WORTH the effort.

The conflict has been brewing all day. The combatants are at crisis point, and it feels like the entire office is holding their collective breath waiting to see what happens next. At this point, they’re ready for bloodshed, or at the very least, some very strong words. 

The last thing they expect is for one of the key players in the conflict to open their mouths and make a joke? 

Maybe it doesn’t feel like a resolution to the conflict, but actually, laughter goes far beyond being the clichéd ‘best medicine.’  How? First of all, laughter takes the tension out of the situation, which exactly is what’s needed to regain perspective, build stronger bonds, and yes, sometimes smooth over the differences. 

How then do you effectively use humor to resolve conflicts?

1. Make sure that both parties are ‘in on the joke.’ By keeping humor wholesome – not at the expense of the other person, you’re focusing on inviting them to laugh with you, rather than laughing at them. How can you tell if you’re doing it right? Humor is tricky, and so your best indicator of getting it right is to gauge the other person’s reactions. If they’re not laughing, chances are they don’t find it funny. Stop!

2. Check to make sure that you’re not using humor as a defensive weapon rather than as a positive tool. If you’re using humor to mask emotions that you’d rather not deal with right now, then it’s time to put a flag on the play. Stop immediately and ask yourself what it is that you’re not dealing with and why.

3. Work on that sense of humor. Every good comedian knows how to read their audience. The same goes for using humor with another person, especially in a situation that’s already a conflict. Watch the nonverbal cues. What language are you using? Keep the tone positive and light, and mean it. That means don’t use jokes as a means of cruelty. Lastly, consider what you might use as an inside joke. Inside jokes not only keep the situation light but create a deeper intimacy with whom you conflict.

4. Most importantly, be Playful! A little bit of silly fun is a good thing. Not sure how to tap into that kind of fun and crazy side? Explore humor in other ways so that you always have a repertoire to fall back on. Watch things you find funny on TV or in movies. Listen to jokes. Read the funnies. Find that side of you that likes to play and encourage it with creativity and fun.

And no matter what, cut yourself some slack. It takes practice to be funny. Keep at it, and you’ll find your natural sense of humor, and be able to tap into it when you need to. That conflict won’t know what hit it!

Along the pathways of your life, you’ve looked up to different men along the way. Maybe your father read a lot or was always pursuing some activity to better himself and his family. Maybe your 10th-grade math teacher asked you to tutor a fellow student. Whoever they are, the men in your life matter! 

Wouldn’t you like to be that male role model that boys and young men aspire to be like? The good news is you are! There is someone already looking up to you and copying the traits you have. Compare the list below to how you act now. You choose which you want to teach to the younger people watching you.

Use these strategies to become a great role model:

1. Go after your dreams. Reflect on what you’ve always wanted out of life. Sure, it’s changed over the years. But what is it right now that you want to achieve? The importance of pursuing your passions is a wonderful message to send to younger people.
   
2. Show self-confidence. When you feel like you can do anything you set your mind to, you’re said to have confidence. If you’re confident, it’s probably evident to everyone around you. Young boys and teens, in particular, look up to men who demonstrate an air of “I can do it.”
   
3. Hang out with your buddies regularly. When you allow time in your busy schedule to socialize with your friends, you’ll have a more relaxed way of moving in the world.

4. Have a sense of humor. Usually, boys and young men can relate to each other best when there’s humor and joking around involved. Let that fun side of you come out, especially when you’re around younger people.
   
5. Demonstrate a willingness to spend time with kids. Whether they’re your kids, your nephews, or your friend’s kids, give of your own time to be there for them. Do not measure this with quantity. Any time spent is invaluable.
   
6. Be open about your work. By nature, kids are curious about what kind of work men do and how that work is accomplished. If a young boy or teen expresses an interest in what you do, share with him your experience, and guide him.
   

• You might be the only man in that boy’s life who has taken the time to talk just to him about the subjects he’s interested in.
  

7. Reach out. If this is uncomfortable for you consider spending some time at a local Boys and Girls Club, YMCA, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, or other social agency that works with kids and teens. Even devoting two hours a week of your time can make a dramatic impact on someone’s life.
   
8. Do something physically active. The research shows that boys learn best when they’re actively doing something. So, take a boy running with you or painting a room. Build a deck together or ask him to help you wash your car. A kid can pick up a lot from taking part in an activity with you.
   
   
9. Give positive feedback. Practice saying simple, positive comments. Any maturing person craves this type of care and attention. Statements like, “Wow, you did a fantastic job painting” or “You’re a pretty good runner” can plant seeds of confidence that will grow stronger over the years in young people.
   
10. Avoid macho expressions of physical strength. Although some kids might ooh and ahh if you can bench-press 200 pounds, your role as a male role model is to illustrate that men have all kinds of different talents, skills, and interests. Since most kids have most likely already been exposed to macho stereotypes, find other ways to express yourself to them.

Being a great male role model will bring enormous personal rewards and, sometimes, external accolades.

You’ll feel satisfaction and pride in knowing you’ve contributed in some way to the healthy development of another human being. Put your efforts into becoming the best male role model you can be. Your life and the lives of others will benefit hugely!

Reading is not only a great way to learn. It is a beautiful way to relax. Reading is one of the best steps you can take for self-improvement. Reading opens you up to a whole new world of ideas, skills, and viewpoints that will challenge you. Becoming an avid reader will develop over time, but it will be worth it. If you want to develop the reading habit, but have been struggling, then try these steps out.

1. Begin with a Subject You Love
If you want to develop the habit of reading, then reading something you enjoy is the right choice. Starting a new habit takes discipline. Do not make it twice as hard by trying to read something you think you should read. Read something you want to read.

2. Challenge Yourself
Do you like a challenge? Then Goodreads is the perfect tool for a reading challenge. It is a yearly challenge you set for yourself. It tells you how many books you read so far and the percent of the challenge you have completed.

3. Audio Books Fit Anywhere
This might be controversial in some circles. The way to deal with this is do not talk to those people about reading an audiobook. But don’t dismiss audiobooks. Utilize the time when you otherwise can’t read (i.e., driving or walking). Remember when you were young, and adults read to you? This was an enjoyable experience. When the right person is reading the audiobook, it is a real pleasure.

4. An eBook Subscription
An eBook subscription is just another way to find interesting things to read. eBooks are light, and you can carry them with you ensuring you always have something to read.

5. Goodreads Reading Log
Goodreads is an excellent tool for keeping track of the books you read. They have a yearly challenge you set for yourself. It is an excellent way to keep yourself motivated. Your confidence will build as your list grows. We are competitive by nature. The challenge you set will keep you moving forward. The reading log is useful to look up books you have already read. You can also make a list of books you would like to read.

6. Schedule Reading Time
The biggest claim is “lack of time” when it comes to reading. There is only one way to fix that? Make time. Get your schedule out and cross something out and put reading time in that slot. Tv time, Facebook, listening to the radio, worrying about your life, these are all activities that are a good babysitter but are little value if you want to improve your life.

7. Get Comfortable
Get ready by getting comfortable then start reading. Find that spot and settle in. Adequate lighting is essential, and a cup of coffee will not hurt. Although I find it gets cold before I finish it.

8. Don’t Get Caught up in Finishing
The goal is to develop the habit of reading. Stick to your schedule to start. Do not take away from tasks you need to do. Use time that is not constructive. Digesting what you read while you are not reading helps comprehension. Finishing a book in one sitting is not the goal.

9. Join a Book Club
Joining a book club is an excellent idea for people wanting to read more. There is added accountability, knowing you have to discuss the book with others regularly. Plus, you might enjoy the social aspect of it as well.

Have you been mulling the idea of creating or reinventing your morning routine? The idea can be intriguing, with so many influencers counting the benefits of waking up early and creating a routine that eases you into your day. Although, morning routines can be daunting: earlier alarms, countless rules, and guidelines about what you should and shouldn’t do, and all that leads to more stress. Keep reading for four quick tips that will help put the do’s and don’ts into focus.

1. Don’t Be Rigid

Part of finding a new morning routine is finding what works for you. It’s a good idea to learn about the morning routines of others, but you can play around with your routine and schedule until you find what works best for you. Your routine is the foundation to your day. The more you change your routine the less of a routine it is. Which means you will not reap the harvest of having a routine. 

2. Stick with It

Motivation is will get you started, but discipline will keep you on your routine till it becomes a habit. Make sure you are waking up the same time every morning and sticking to your routine. After awhile your new routine will feel natural, and it will be something you just do. You will stop reacting to life and stick to your routine. 

3. Own Your Technology

Technology is an integral part of our lives; we use it daily. Many people will tell you not to look at your phone first thing in the morning; however, more than likely your phone is your alarm, but stop checking the weather and emails before you roll out of bed. Your morning reading my be on your phone reading this is okay. Be honest with yourself and your use of technology, not only first thing in the morning but throughout the day. The real question is Do You Own Your Technology Or Does It Own You?

4. Prep Work

Waking up with a plan in place and being able to navigate it is a result of prep work most of the time. Take a few minutes, or thirty, every night to decide what you will be wearing, prep meals, or even get your morning necessities in the right spot. If you want to read a book first thing, make sure your book and blanket are waiting on the couch for you. You can also set out your favorite tea or coffee cup.

Morning routines are challenging to implement. They can also be a great start to your day. Just remember to give yourself time to adapt and to find your own rhythm.

The number one indicator of a student’s success in school and in life after it is not their level of intelligence. It is their work ethic and willpower. Work ethic and willpower will carry you through most anything difficult. Studies now show that you can build and strengthen these two vital parts of yourself. You can start by creating a morning routine that will set you up for success throughout your day. 

1. Same Wake-Up Time

Rising at the same time every morning helps to train your body and mind to make waking up easier. Doing this may not sound like fun in the beginning, but once you try it, you’ll never go back. Why? Because your body becomes regulated when you get up at the same time every day so that your sleep/wake cycles are on track. You’ll feel less fatigued and sleepy throughout your day.

2. Meditation

Starting your day with meditation has two benefits. First, it is an easy and slow way to start your day (you don’t even have to get out of bed). Second, it will allow you to reflect on your thoughts. Bonus, if those are positive thoughts about your day. If they are not positive thoughts with meditation, they will become positive.

3. Workout

Morning workouts are a great way to get your blood pumping and your mind clear for the day ahead. Working out will most definitely test your willpower, as well. 

4. Breakfast with Others

Be it friends, family, or even a coworker, eating breakfast with others prioritizes the relationships in your life and will help to put your day into perspective. 

5. Make a To-Do List

Writing a to-do list of your day’s tasks and then prioritizing the list will set your intentions for the day and give you a plan of action. Remember, your to-do list can be for work and personal. 

6. Say Good Morning

Saying good morning to those you pass in the morning has a direct benefit to you and the people you meet. It may be the lift both of you need at the moment. When you say “Good Morning” to someone, they will feel an obligation to say “Good Morning” to someone else. 

7. Keep Learning

You may not have time to add learning into your morning routine, but at least throw a book in your work bag. Continued learning, be it for any area of your life, is a process that takes time and commitment. You only benefit from it. 

You may not have enough time in your morning to incorporate all seven of these routines to start. Heck, you may only have time for one or two. The point of this article is to give you a proven morning routine that will set you up for success. You probably do a couple of these already. Make a decision to add at least one more to your morning routine tomorrow.