If you are ready to increase your personal power, here are some critical habits you need to cultivate. Check each off as you master them in your life, and you will have full control over your life and personal power in no time.

1.Stop complaining

• Complaints serve no purpose and do not solve the problem. Get busy working on a solution instead.

2.Accept responsibility for your emotions

• No one can MAKE you feel anything. You are the only one who allows yourself to feel anything. Stop allowing others to control how you feel as well as react to events, situations, and outcomes.

3.Be forgiving of others.

• Holding on to negative feelings, like complaining, does nothing. Let go of those feelings and move on.

4.Be clear about what you believe in

• If you are not grounded in your values and beliefs, your personal power withers. Your values guide your emotions and actions, so be sure you know what you really believe and want deep down.

5.Take action

• You can only create positive outcomes when you act. And when you do, you will feel more powerful. Seize opportunities to make things happen. Action is crucial to your development.

6. Make sure you have boundaries.

• Boundaries allow you to dictate what happens in your life and how you allow yourself to react emotionally. Establish boundaries that honor your personal power.

 7.Stop playing the victim.

• You choose how to react to all of life's events. You can want to learn from what has happened to you and use it in the future, or you can choose to be victimized. Being a victim gives away your power to others.

 8.Stop thinking unproductively

• Thoughts that focus on the “what ifs” in life are not helpful. Don’t’ spend hours wondering what life would be like if something happened. Go out and make that happen, instead.

 9.Learn to be uncomfortable

• Learning to deal with the hard and uncomfortable things in your life is part of accepting your personal power. When things are difficult, you have much to learn. Embrace the learning experience.

10. Let go of what is not serving you.

• Make a choice in each moment of your life to hold onto those things that give you the power and serve your goals and let go of everything else.

 11.Stop being dependent on others' opinions.

• It does not matter what others think about you or your life. They are not living it; you are. You do not need to be liked by everyone, and no one else’s approval matters.

 12.Be authentically you

• Living life on your terms, as your authentic self, is the only way to live within your personal power. You are unique and different, and you should honor that whenever possible.

 13.Pay attention to pain.

• The things that hurt most in life are those that can teach you the most about increasing your personal power. When you feel pain, you are headed in the wrong direction. Challenge yourself to see your pain more often to keep you focused on your goals.

 14.Stand out

• When you are trying to blend in, you have doubt and fear, not personal power. Do not disguise who you really are. Instead, trust that you are enough, and stand out!

 15.Let your heart guide you.

• Personal power is courage, which comes from your heart. Use your heart to guide you, which will help you be resolute in your convictions and actions.

 16.Love all aspects of yourself

• When you completely accept yourself, for all your flaws and imperfections, you regain your personal power. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with being flawed, as it is part of being human. Embrace it, do not hate it.

 17.Believe in your goals.

• Compromising your goals for others will leave you feeling unhappy and forces you to give your power to others. Remain steadfast in your beliefs and goals if you want to live a great, happy life.

 18.Remain in control of your emotions

• Allowing others to evoke reactions from you and to push your buttons is giving them power over you. Name your triggers and learn to control your responses to these.

 19.Always remember, you can shift the tide.

• When things are not going like you want or need, you have the ability to change directions, make new choices, and turn it all around.

 20.Celebrate your power

• Being grateful for your life and your ability to feel empowered will help you honor and support your work toward increasing your personal power.

 21.See the distinction

• There’s a difference between giving your power away and empowering others, the latter helps increase your personal power.

22. Use your personal power to challenge, influence, encourage command respect and hold people accountable. This will only increase your strength.

23.You don't need to intimidate others to display your personal power, embrace yourself, to increase your own power.

24.Don't concern yourself with what others think.

• There’s a difference between empathy and giving your power to everyone else.

25.Don't wait for someone else to solve your problems, you have the power to do it yourself, and when you exercise that power, it provides you with a boost.

26.Don't be afraid to admit your shortcomings.

• This allows you to improve and improvement begets personal power.

27.Learn to temper your emotions

• You can be in touch with your emotions, but to increase your personal power you cannot wear them on your sleeve.
  

28.Learn to manage stress, be positive, and relax

• Stress and negativity are quick ways to sap your personal power.

29.Think before you speak (or act)

30.Exercise your self-worth, establish your boundaries and be assertive in your bid to maintain them.

31.Leave your ego at home, find logical solutions, and avoid getting into heated arguments.

32.Create a schedule that is realistic, knocking out your to-do list is a sure way to boost your personal power.

 33.What’s in your heart?

• Courage, which is a form of your personal power, can be seen in your actions and those actions stem from what’s in your heart.

34.Accept yourself as you are

• You can be accountable for your actions and still embrace yourself for who you are.

35.Recognize that you are capable of affecting change, whether it’s for yourself, others or the world around you.

 36.Take action

• You feel more powerful when you act in ways to create your own positive outcome.

 37.In an ideal world, we would be pain-free.

• There is a lesson in pain, but don’t allow yourself to be obsessed with it. It’s a cue that you’re heading in the wrong direction.

 38.Sometimes you have to learn how to deal with discomfort.

• You can’t push it all aside, you have to walk through it – that means letting go of negative emotions when it’s time.

39.You are powerful enough to shape events, you can use your compassion and kindness to be instrumental in redirecting negative actions.

40.Celebrate all the wins in your life, even the smallest ones.

• With every victory, your personal power will increase.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Thinking big is all about believing in you. It's all about internalizing the things you really want are attainable. It's all about making your dreams come true. The one problem that stops people from thinking big is a lack of belief in themselves and in their goals and dreams. They can't get to where they want to go because they don't believe that someone like them could actually get there. Thinking big requires a clear picture of your dreams and in the life that you truly want. If you're going to think big, then believe. Raise your level of belief so that you can start the process of genuinely thinking big in your own life.

First, take a look around you. There are people, right now, in your life that are examples of thinking big. These people are proof that with a roadmap you can get from Point A to Point B. They are also proof that thinking big and achieving big is something within your grasp. Those people got to where they wanted to go. If they did it, so can you. There is a path, and all you have to do is find that path and follow it.

Some people have a problem with believing in themselves because they feel they have nothing to contribute. They haven't come up with any new, game-changing ideas. Because of this, they think that there is no point in thinking big. They have nothing to bring to the table, so why bother. Thinking big is for those other guys that do have creative ideas. The thing is thinking big is not about coming up with revolutionary ideas. Instead, it's about taking an existing idea and making it just a little bit better. Anyone can do this. There is room for improvement everywhere you look.

Here's a simple exercise that anyone can do to build a strong system of self-belief.  Begin every day by deciding that you're going to think bigger about a routine task. This involves asking yourself how you can improve the way the job is performed now. How can you achieve a better result? Can you change how it is currently done? When you take this approach to a single task, bringing all your focus and attention to it, you will find that you actually are achieving better results. This, in turn, reinforces your belief in yourself and in the process of "if you want to think big then believe."

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

What is success really all about? Is it about things? Is it about material possessions? Is it about the way other people see you when you're successful? Is it about adulation and fame? Think about your answers to these questions. Think big like a child. You see, there are correct answers to all of these questions, and none of those answers are yes.  Material possessions are a side effect of success. So is money. So are praise, recognition, and authority. All these things are signifiers of success, but none of them are success itself. So then, what is success really all about?

To answer this question correctly, you have to let go of your adult self and all of your adult preconceptions and prejudices. You have to think back to when you were a child. You have to remember what it was like to be a child. You have to readopt a child’s worldview. You have to repossess a child’s motivations. In short, you have to, once again, begin thinking like a child.

How does a child define success? Think big like a child. A child defines a victory by the goal. A child succeeds when he or she gets what they want. They are not deterred by the word no. They are not stopped by their own inner voice. They do not care what others think of their goal or their behavior in trying to achieve that goal. You could say that a child is nearly 100% goal oriented.

A child also sees the universe as limitless and the possibilities within that universe as infinite. This means that a child does not feel constrained by any self-imposed restraints. The child also doesn't feel constrained by outside forces. If the child can conceive of something, then the child feels that they can achieve that something. This lack of constraint and restraint further feeds the child's laser focus on their goal.

A child is innocent as well. This innocence is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a shield protecting the child from worry and fear when it comes to goals. The child doesn't worry about failure and the outcomes of failure. The child has not been taught about eventualities. There are no eventualities.  They only see the goal.

Think big like a child and adopt a child's point of view when it comes to your ventures. A child's point of view is a useful way of examining your behaviors to see where imagined constraints and fears are keeping you from fully engaging in big thinking.

People always seem to have something to say. They have opinions about others, and you may be part of those opinions. This can be quite distracting. Remember that criticizing someone takes no effort. This means that these people have really put no effort into what they are saying. Therefore, use these tips to try and make their efforts less effective.

1. Surround yourself with positive people.
   Spending time with negative people will break your spirits over time. Try to avoid these people as much as possible. When you instead spend time with positive people, that will rub off on you. These positive people are less likely to have negative opinions about you.
   
2. Prove naysayers wrong.
   People often have opinions about you because they don’t believe in your abilities. Put that to rest by showing them how wrong they are about the situation.
   
3. Don’t be your own worst enemy. If you beat down your abilities, so will everyone else. Have confidence in yourself, and that confidence will show through. Even when people have opinions, your confidence will help you ignore them.
   
4. Consider why others are making opinions about you.
   Sometimes, what others say about you may be true. Perhaps you did something that wasn’t right, and you don’t admit to it being a problem. Try to reflect on what they said.
   
5. Treat what others say about you as it being none of your business.
   When you have this attitude that it is none of your business, you can go on with your life and not worry about what others believe.
   
6. You cannot please everyone and shouldn’t try. Some people like to complain about everything. There is simply no pleasing these people. Why bother trying? Even when you do try, they won't respond. They will continue to complain or have their opinions. Don't waste your time on them. You can spend that time with people who believe in you.
   
7. Know that making mistakes will help you learn.
   You may be afraid of making mistakes in front of others. When you do, people may have an opinion about those mistakes. As long as you learn something from your mistakes, that will serve you well in your life. When you realize this, you will be less afraid to make mistakes.
   
8. People won’t always do what they advise you to do.
   You have heard a few people say, “if I were you I would…” The trouble is when you see those people faced with the same situation, they don’t even come close to doing what they suggested. Therefore, when you hear that phrase, ignore it and trust your own judgment.
   
9. Don’t be opinionated about others.
   If you are always criticizing others, you will gain a bad reputation for doing so. This will cause others to do the same to you. What goes around comes around, as they say. Don’t get caught up in this negative behavior. Some people will still form opinions about you, but it won’t be because you are opinionated yourself.

Here are three action steps you can take:

1. Write down three mistakes that you have made in the past five years. When you list them, try to remember the lesson you learned from those mistakes. When you show that you are not afraid to make mistakes, others will admire this and be drawn to you.                                                          
2. Think of two people you had opinions about in the past. Upon learning more information about them, were you wrong? Try to use this information the next time you are compelled to make opinions about others.                                                                                                                                       
3. List any opinions others have made about you. Which of those opinions were correct? It's challenging to be honest with ourselves. However, if those opinions are well-founded, they can help you improve yourself.

Image by Christine Sponchia from Pixabay

The Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi is just embracing imperfection in ourselves and our surroundings, which includes everyone we meet. Everyone we meet will be a tall order, so let us put that aside and look at the flaws in our surroundings and seeing the quirks in ourselves.  This will show us the beauty in life revealed through imperfections.

Many everyday items we use are the result of failed attempts to develop a particular product. Instead of throwing the failed attempt out. They found another use for the failed product. Sticky notes are one example. They were trying to develop a much stronger adhesive for a different purpose altogether.  They looked at what they had and brainstormed till coming up with the idea to repurpose the glue they developed into sticky notes. Nothing went to waste. If they were not willing to see the usefulness of the failure they had, we would not have sticky notes. Something that everyone has used. Corn Flakes came out of trying to control sexual urges. The list goes on.

Try not to Take Yourself so Seriously

Once you start embracing imperfection in objects around you, you will begin to relax into your environment.  You already practice this philosophy without knowing it. All you need to do is acknowledge it and to draw your attention to the objects with imperfections in your life. When I want a cup of coffee, I head for the cabinet. I am already thinking about the mug from the Tolland Innand the chips on the bottom rim. These chips came from my using the mug and my wife washing and putting the mug away. I did not throw the cup out because I chipped it. No, instead, embracing imperfection in the mug,  it can never be replaced. If that mug were to fall and break into pieces, another Tolland House mug could never replace the good feelings from the cup with the chips.

My personality and life are full of chips. I have embraced them as who I am. I can laugh at them. I just chuckle and say what a bone head thing to do. Then I picture God rolling on the floor laughing holding his guts calling Peter "get over here, look at what Lefty is doing now. You have to see this. He has outdone himself this time."

When you get this perspective in your own life, you will start to encourage others to laugh at their mistakes.  You will show them embracing imperfection is actually a quality instead of a character flaw. The more people you help to embrace imperfection, the more you will be surrounded by people practicing Wabi-Sabi. They will help you stay focused on the beauty of imperfections in life.

I have imperfections that I embrace but am actively trying to change. I do not like the effect they have in my life and the people I come in contact with during my daily activities. There are no defects in my life that have transformed themselves into quality or have entirely left my life until I have embraced them as a part of me. Denying them has only empowered them.

Do something out of your comfort zone.

Try learning a new skill or doing something daring. Do this with other people who have done this before. Entering into unknown situations will likely lead to mistakes, which is what you want. Exposing yourself when you know you are going to make mistakes is a very empowering event. It will also build comradery of like-minded people laughing with you at the mistakes you make. When the laughing is done, you will get feedback on how to correct the error to achieve the goal you have set.

Now you will experience what is meant by "hanging out with successful people, and it will rub off on you." 

If you were perfect, you’d be similar to a drone.

You would be the same as everyone else. Where is the fun in that? When you embrace your imperfections, you will realize they make up who you are. It’s best to forget about being perfect.

Image by 진혁 최 from Pixabay

Yes, You can be anything you want to be.  Remember when as a child you dreamt about becoming an astronaut, president, sports hero and the list goes on. At first, the adults were supportive and told you-you could become anything you wanted to be as long as you put your mind to it.  But you found out that their actions did not back those statements up. For they started to indoctrinate you into conformity and play it safe to get a good job, get married, and buy a house. 

When they told you-you could be anything you want to be, they had it right. Those dreams are possible.  With all the technological advances it is easier today.

How to be Whatever You Want to be

 Following your dream is easy. When you are not doing your job or busy with something that your present life needs you to do, what do you think and talk about? Is it being on the water boating? Then start to read about boats, marinas, sailing, and kayaking... Seek out people that have boats. Seek out people that make a living with boats. Congratulations

You will not be paid at this stage of your journey. You are not a professional yet. Getting paid is what makes you a professional, not how good you are. There are plenty of people that have more knowledge and skill than me. Yet they are not doing it. There is a Chinese proverb that says "Those who say it can not be done, should get out of the way of those that are doing it." I use that all the time when someone tells me with case studies in hand, why what I am doing cannot be done.

At this point, it is good to have someone or a group of people who have successfully taken the less-traveled path to support you. The masses will try to pull you back into their world under the pretense that they are saving you from throwing everything you have a way and ending up with nothing. When the going gets rough, they will start to make sense. Without support from someone who has been through these times, your chances diminish.

You will keep your job and start in your spare time. Gradually getting things rolling until you have to make a decision to stay at the size you are. Or go all in and quit your present job. Through all this time a mentor who has gone before you is invaluable.

On The Job Training

There are plenty of people who went to college and studied to become a professional in a particular area of study. Many do not work in this area of study. They choose something different for various reasons after graduating from college. With a degree or not the 10,000-hour rule applies. You invest 10,000 into your goal, and you will be an expert in your chosen field.

Making it Big

Long before you become an expert, you will be successful at your chosen goal. You will be making enough money to support your family. You will be the envy of all the people you left behind that are "leading lives of quiet desperation." For they have sold out their dreams to play it safe. If they could admit to themselves that they sold out. They would tell you they are happy for you and wished they did what you did. But most will attribute your success to luck, or you cheated. You are now in the position to tell those leading lives of quiet desperation, they “can be anything you want to be”, too!  

My book "Preparing For The 7 Day Mental Diet" will help you show you how you can be anything you want to be. There is a link below to purchase the book.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The most important single step to huge success is Shoot for the stars. We had all dreamed big when we were kids. Most of us dreamed of being the President of the United States, sports star, astronaut, actor, model, writer, or a rock star... Being a writer was one for me.

These goals are pretty universal for most of us. Whatever your goal as a child was it did not take long for it to be labeled as foolish or impractical. If this did not happen to you, feel lucky. The adults in our life started to indoctrinate us into the world of practicality. All though well-meaning, practicality is not the path to fulfilling your dreams.

Very few of us were shown how to shoot for the stars. Our school systems are designed to get us to fall in line and be practical. There is no other way the schools can operate. You just need to know that this is the case so you can find the tools you need to find and follow your real dreams.

The most important single step to massive success is to find the talents God gave you and choose a big dream to use these talents. After you have found this dream make a decision to own it as your own.

What Does it Mean to Shoot for the Stars?

 Quite simply it means pulling out all the stops and doing everything you possibly can to get to where you need/want to be in life. Need and want's become one. If they are divided, then you will fail. When you find what your God-given talents are and you discover this dream inside you, it becomes a need. It is your destiny and purpose in life. This means putting 100% effort in and doing everything you possibly can to accomplish your aims.

I will use myself as an example. I always read a lot. When you read a lot, you dream of writing a book. I quit school. I was taught that this meant most doors would be shut to me when I quit school. My Dad taught me to work with what I had and never stop till you get it done. This took years before I figured out how to follow that training. In 2012 I stood in front of a group of men and told them if they were back in 2013 I would hand them a copy of a book I wrote.

At the time I did not know how to write, publish, design the cover, or pick and research a topic. I  shot for the stars. With only a dream and the commitment to write a book in 2013, I handed that group of gentlemen the book that I had written and published.

Accomplishing that dream empowered me to shut down the voices of practicality that warn me against failure and suggest the safe path in life.  The accomplished goal reminds me of what Henry Thoreau said: "most people lead lives of quiet desperation."  Since then I have written three other books. My last book "Discover Yourself Through Gratitude - A Journal" was the motivation to follow a dream of starting an online community where people can come and talk about developing Gratitude in their lives. That is how The Good Life Mall became a reality.

An indispensable tool in following my dreams is the people I choose to associate with. I need people

who dream big in my life. If you can not find other successful dreamers, use the people at The Good Life Mall till you do. Remember, the most important single step to immense success is to find your dream and go for it.

Image by rawpixel from Pixabay

Many childhood fairy tales end with the phrase, “…and they lived happily ever after.” Unfortunately, as we mature, we realize that happiness isn’t simply finding your “Prince Charming,” or discovering a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

But, many of us are still waiting for that knock on the door or that special “gift” or achievement that will bring us true happiness for the rest of our lives. We don’t realize that happiness is a journey – a pursuit that takes us down a long road of learning and weeding out those things in our lives that cause unhappiness or that we have to work at to overcome.

How do you know when you’re happy? It’s a surge of well-being that puts a smile on your face and a skip in your steps. You may know it when you feel it, but it only lasts a little while – like the first time you see your baby smile or celebrating that big promotion.

To find real and lasting happiness in your life, you need first to explore what you believe about happiness. What if you have it in one area of your life and not another?

Happiness is a pursuit that you have to work at -- and to do that you need to know what it is and what it means to have it in your own life.  

What is Happiness?

The dictionary defines happiness with many words such as contentment, joy, glee, good spirits and well-being. It’s a state of mind rather than a tangible object that you can hold in your hand and use when you need it most.

But, happiness is difficult to come by unless you know what will help you experience it. You may think that good luck in the form of a promotion, a windfall of cash or a loving relationship would bring happiness to your life.

You may be surprised once you reach those goals, that happiness is still eluding you. You may even think there’s something wrong with you because you can’t seem to grasp that ultimate goal of true happiness, no matter what good comes into your life.

The problem may be that you’re limiting yourself to happiness only in certain areas of your life. Maybe you’ve achieved business or relationship success, but still, feel a void that keeps you from being happy about it. You know you’re unhappy, but you don’t understand why.

Broadening your scope of happiness to other areas of your life can help you to understand what real pleasure is and to pursue it in a systematic way that’s sure to enhance your lifestyle and finally bring joy into those areas that were lacking.  

How to Pursue Happiness

You may not realize that happiness is a life-long pursuit and not an “event” of something particular. Everyone has a right to pursue happiness. It’s so important that it’s even included in the Constitution of the United States as an “inalienable” right.

To pursue the happiness you’re entitled to, you need to know how to do it correctly. There are some direct routes to that sense of well-being and some ways that will never get you there.

The route to happiness begins with assessing the most critical areas of your life and discerning if you’re happy in that area. Are you emotionally satisfied – does your spiritual life need some more work to be happier?

Your relationships, job, and physical well-being are all part of the circle of happiness. If one link is broken, you aren’t as wholly fulfilled as you could be.

Think about various areas of your life and whether you’ve achieved the happiness level you long for. For example:

Physical Fitness – You may be happy with your weight, but how about your physical stamina? If you need to add another dimension to your fitness routine (or begin one), it will not only help you have more self-esteem to follow through and succeed – it will make you happy. Your physical well-being is a vital link in the happiness circle.

Spirituality – You don’t have to belong to a church or to a particular religion to gain happiness from spirituality. Connecting with nature and helping others are just two examples of how you can find and enjoy spirituality in your own life. Developing and living a belief system is vital to your overall happiness.

Love Yourself – You won’t be very loveable to others if you can’t love yourself. Love yourself enough to take care of yourself, to make time for only you and to build your self-esteem by surrounding yourself with positive people rather than negative ones. When you love who you are, a certain level of happiness is reached that others can’t provide.

Take Care of Yourself – Get plenty of sleep, eat a healthy diet and get enough exercise to feel better and have more energy for things you want to do. A big part of happiness is good health, so take steps to improve that link in the circle if needed.

You can probably think of other areas in your life that need work to make you enjoy and be happy with them. Research happiness as you would a place you’re moving to or a career path you think you want to take. Leave no stone unturned in your quest for happiness.  

Looking for Happiness in All the Wrong Places

Every day, we’re bombarded with advertisements about “things” that can make us happy – a new car, bypass surgery to lose weight, a different hairstyle or a new dating partner. Billions of dollars are spent each year on things that are touted as “sure things” to make us happy and content.

You may feel great when you first drive that new car, lose weight or sport that new hairstyle, but eventually the glitter wears off, and you’re left with the same unhappiness you felt before you bought the “things.”

Contrary to popular belief, that multi-million dollar home, expensive jewelry, exotic cars, and world travel doesn’t bring automatic happiness to your life. There’s no doubt that money can make your life easier, but it can’t make you happy unless everything else falls into place.

The world is full of mega-rich people and families who live their everyday lives in the throes of depression and unhappiness. There are many reasons why money isn’t making these people happy.

Lousy health could be one reason, and fighting and angry discourse about the money they have could be another. Inner happiness isn’t determined by how many things you can buy or how many degrees you’ve obtained – it’s an emotion that’s both elusive and attainable – if you know how to pursue it.

Pursuing happiness is the right of all of us, but it may not be easy for some. It helps to visualize happiness as a circle which is linked together by several happiness goals and methods of achieving those goals.

When there is happiness in each link of the circle, true happiness is achieved, but a break or crack in a relationship can cause the sphere to weaken, and your joy won’t be complete.

Rather than spinning your wheels in trying to bring happiness to your life on outside pursuits, it’s far more effective to pursue happiness from the inside. Studies of history and recent research prove that materialistic comforts haven’t led to complete satisfaction.

Part of the problem is not knowing what will make us happy – and part of it is not knowing how to pursue it. Whatever we seem to do and acquire, happiness remains out of reach.

Just as true happiness is often confused with acquiring things, the pursuit of happiness can be confused with having a “perfect” life – which isn’t attainable. We can reach a level of contentment that makes us complete without always having things go our way.

Problems and obstacles are needed in our lives so we can learn along the way. It may be challenging to feel grateful for a problem, but viewing it in that light can bring a type of happiness into our lives.  

Giving Happiness a Chance

After you take a careful look at your present life and what makes you happy – and what doesn’t, you’ll be better able to formulate a plan for happiness. Rather than waiting for it to arrive at your doorstep, you’ll have a clear path of how to pursue it.

Rather than spending your hard-earned money on things that will make you happy for a few minutes or a day, spend it on gathering knowledge and experiences that will improve your outlook on life and make you a better person.

One way to make yourself happy is to become debt-free. Pay off those high-interest accounts and begin to save money for pursuing what you love in life. Maybe you could take more trips or invest in the education of a child.

Those types of things you can do for yourself will serve to bring more lasting happiness than material things and boost your self-esteem and life-experiences. Donating your time to a worthy cause rather than writing a check is also a great way to get in touch with who you really are and what makes you happy.

If you don’t have peace of mind, begin now to discover what happiness means to you and how you can pursue it successfully. It’s a journey that will bring you much satisfaction and finally complete the circle with links that genuinely make you happy.

Image by Andi Graf from Pixabay     Image by rawpixel from Pixabay

Using quotes to build self-confidence is a very effective strategy. The great people of history have our respect. I have picked a few to develop your self-confidence and remove the nagging self-doubt which is crippling you.

Put these quotes where you can see them. On your dashboard, desk, phone, any place you visit. This will help you remember them when you are overwhelmed.

Here are four quotes from famous people that deal with self-doubt.

William Shakespeare

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” - William Shakespeare

Self-doubt is crippling because it stops us in our tracks. It tricks us into believing not to try at all. He talks about fear. Like it or not, fear is the root of self-doubt, and we’ll never know what good we’re missing out on because of it. Treat those feelings of doubts like the traitors Mr. Shakespeare recognized them as. Fight them, ignore them, do whatever you have to do to keep them from forcing you into “fearing to attempt” to do what you’ve set out to do.  

Dale Carnegie

"It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about." – Dale Carnegie

So often we focus on what we have, who we are, or who we think we should be, that we forget about being happy. Instead, we let the self-doubt creep in and question everything we do, everything we are, and everything we have accomplished. Don't let self-doubt destroy your happiness. Instead, make it a habit to think about all the good you've done and everything you've accomplished so far. And the key creating this or any practice is to make yourself do it every single day until it becomes a habit. Stick the quote by Mr. Carnegie on your bathroom mirror and use it as a reminder to practice thinking about all your positive accomplishments.  

Robert Frost

“Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

Here’s an interesting quote by Robert Frost that has an essential lesson about doubt in general and self-doubt in particular in it. It’s not evident at first glance, but in our context, this quote is all about making choices – even the unpopular ones and sticking to them. Self-doubt is often fueled by a lack of confidence in ourselves. And the end result is not taking action on anything. Instead, we become paralyzed into not doing anything, lest we make the wrong choice, or not choose the right road. Frost teaches us that it’s ok to use the road less traveled. The only wrong choice when you come to a fork in the road is not to make any choice at all. Standing there at the fork in the road without choosing your path is what gets you stuck. Make a choice and see it through and who knows where your path will lead you.  

J.K. Rowling 

“Failure is a stripping away of the inessential. “ – J.K. Rowling

It’s an interesting idea, isn’t it? We are so afraid of failure, when it may just be something we should embrace instead. Because when we fail, we learn. Think back to your childhood days. You made lots and lots of mistakes every single day. You had to make every single one of those of errors to get to where you are today. Yet, as adults, we suddenly expect to get it all right on the first try. Take that pressure off yourself and embrace failure. Look at it as a way to get down to what’s truly important and essential. This little shift in perception takes away the bad feeling and self-doubt associated with fear. And suddenly fear no longer paralyzes us into not doing anything, but instead motivates us to take massive action, fail fast and get to the solution that actually works.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

5 years ago I started attending a Greek Orthodox Parish in Souderton, Pa. I met the priest of the church, “Father Noah” at my Toastmasters group. He was calm, welcoming, intelligent and very calculated in his words and movements. Something about him I was attracted to. He invited me to his church, and I accepted, even though I have had baggage with organized religion, “he” made me want to check it out. 

On my very first visit, upon listening to the choir (there are no instruments at a Greek Orthodox Parish) I came to tears. The sounds, the harmonies and melodies were so beautiful, being in that church made me feel happy, safe and secure. I started meeting with Father Noah every few months, I enjoyed our talks greatly. He said he enjoyed our talks as well, as he didn’t have a lot of friends outside of the church. It seemed we had both benefited from meeting each other. He lent me one of the crosses in his pocket. Those who know me, know that I love the rituals of religion, spirituality and God. I love the singing, the incense, the candles, the iconography, and the “tools of the trade”. I was excited about the cross, because one thing I do a lot of is prayer. I started holding this cross as I drove reciting the Jesus prayer over and over again. I can’t quite explain it, I just came to really enjoy this cross. In the past 5 years, Father Noah has joked a handful of times about lending me his cross and not getting it back. But two weeks ago, I felt something more in his joke, I knew it was time to return it.

So just a few days ago, I restained the cross and while I’m sad to let go of it, I know that it is time. Somebody else may need it more than me. And, at a training this past weekend, a Buddhist monk came up to me on the street in center city Philadelphia and handed me a prayer bracelet. What a gift from the divine, to surrender one thing that has helped me and have it replaced with another. Attached is the picture of the cross I reference in this story. 

I have been going to church every Saturday night to a service called, "Vespers" with my son, for over four years now.

I was talking to Todd today. This story came to mind. It helped me keep the course and not quit many a time. I thought I would retell it here for you. Maybe it will help you as it did me.

Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.

The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.

One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.

The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.

At first, the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!

The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!

As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.

            But neither happened!

The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.

It never was able to fly…

As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.

As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.

As instructors, our gift to you is stronger wings…

via Butterfly Struggle Story

Image by smarko from Pixabay

Last year, my family and I decided that we wanted to move into a bigger house. We eventually found our house in April of 2018. It was our dream house as we got to pick the design and pretty much everything that was inside of it. There were a lot of steps involved with building this house.

A few months before we moved in I received a very clear premonition. I was to put a portrait created by an artist, in the walkway into our bedroom. This portrait was to be of my favorite saint, “Saint Therese of Lisieux” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%A9r%C3%A8se_of_Lisieux). I have had my deepest and most profound spiritual experience with Saint Therese, and that is a story for another day.

As the time got closer to our settlement date, I approached my friend Todd about creating a piece of artwork for me. He was excited about the opportunity and started asking me a lot of questions about Saint Therese. I’ve seen Todd’s artwork, I know he is very talented, but as he was asking me questions I could tell he was passionate about the opportunity to create this portrait. In addition, I was excited because I knew this piece of artwork was going to create a significant impact in my family’s life, in my “houses life” and of course in my life. So the months passed and I would ask Todd from time to time how the progress of the painting was coming along. It was a slow process, but if I’m honest, I was glad it was slow because to me that meant Todd was putting a lot of time and effort into this portrait.

Well, I just received this portrait last night, and it was worth every minute of the waiting. I had no expectation of this painting, I just wanted a picture of my favorite Saint, Saint Therese. If you’re in need of some help, I urge you to call on her. She is impacted my life greatly and my life is just better knowing she is looking out for me.

Repetition is a powerful tool that helps us learn and master skills. When someone takes piano lessons, they will be given a series of exercises to repeat. These tasks are usually scales and arpeggios. But, after the student masters these they are given more difficult exercises to practice.

Learning a foreign language also requires repetition. By repeating unfamiliar words or using them in sentences, it will become more natural for the learner. People study the words, and they repeat them until they understand what they mean.

In sports, we find repetition in drills, etc. Coaches give the players a series of drills to repeat until it becomes second nature. When the player masters the skill, they won’t even need to be told to use them. Coaches only need to help the players put together a plan on when to use them.

When we were given homework in school, it was often in the form of repeatable tasks. Think back to when you had to learn multiplication tables. You simply keep repeating these until you could rattle them off without effort.

The biggest problem with repetition is people get bored. We love new experiences and the excitement that comes with them. But, when we must repeat tasks often we would rather be doing something else. That is why it’s difficult to bring ourselves to practice the piano or repeat the same words when learning a foreign language, etc.

To help alleviate the boredom of repetitive tasks, you should try to limit the time spent on them. It’s better to practice something in short durations consistently than to try and put several hours into the repetitive tasks. The key is consistency. Try to practice your skills for 15 or 20 minutes per day and then step away from it.

Another problem with repetition is we tend to fall back on it, right when we should be surging ahead. This concept is known as a plateau. When you repeat something to the point that you get good at it, you feel satisfied that you can do the task. When you try to advance to a new level, you tend to revert to this previous task and level. If this happens, try to focus on how you felt when you become skilled at the previous task. That can help you look forward to mastering the new one.

Sometimes, you may need to revisit a previously mastered skill. For instance, after you have mastered it, you set it aside and forget about it. You are a little rusty when you revisit it. The good news is it won’t take much to get it back by using repetition.

You always have good intentions, yet procrastination cripples you. You find yourself looking for the magic wand on how to overcome procrastination. Here are 10 action steps that will lead you to become the person you always admired.

1. Set a Goal:

Let your mind develop a picture of the result you want. Now that you have the goal set, putting together an action plan will be easier. With the pictured outcome and a plan of action, you are armed for success.

2. Clear Your Mind:

Begin by clearing your mind of the clutter. Like a computer that is overloaded it crashes. You restart the computer and this gives you a fresh start. Put the pen to the paper and just write down every thought that comes to you. No editing necessary. Now your mind is clear and the plan of action is on the screen.

3. Make a List:

Write down the actions you will take the following day.  This is the work order your sub-conscious mind needs to develop a plan to accomplish the actions you have listed.

4. Small Steps:

We have devalued the penny to where it is worthless. No matter how you count it takes 100 pennies to make a dollar. It is the same with small steps. We have devalued small steps, always looking for the big score. Start taking small steps and you will bring back that sense of accomplishment to your life.

5. Be Accountable:

Pick a safe person to tell about your plan on how to overcome procrastination. This will help motivate you to take action. It is easy to tell yourself some silly excuse, but telling another person the same silly excuse will not be as easy. Talking about your accomplishments will give you a sense of pride. You will also get feedback on the steps you plan to take. Brainstorming is by product of these accountability sessions.

6. Remove Distractions:

Block out a period of time when you will take some action. No email, phone calls and social media and you will increase productivity. A singleness of purpose will get you to your desired goal faster than multi-tasking.

7. Change Your Mindset:

Use affirmations to change the negative scripts you have been telling yourself. Envision an action taker and give yourself the starring role in this movie. Do this all in the present tense. You have been doing this in the future tense and that has failed.

8. Stop Waiting For The Perfect Time:

The perfect time is very elusive. Few are the ones that find it. Right now is all you will ever have.  Start where you are with what you have.  These are the ingredients for the "Perfect Storm".

9. Be Consistent:

Do something every day that will lead you towards the end result you are looking for. This is how you discipline yourself and develop the habits you need to overcome procrastination.

10. Remove Analysis Paralysis:

Start making mistakes is the way to remove analysis paralysis from your life. Second guessing yourself and over-worrying about getting it wrong are crippling traits. No one has ever failed by making a mistake. You only fail when you quit trying.  When you make a mistake you will see a new path to achieve the desired result. Using these 10 action steps is how to overcome procrastination.

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If you genuinely want to be your best you, to have a happy and healthy life, you need to learn the critical elements for creating healthy boundaries. Boundaries are being clear about what your limits are, and they are necessary to ensure you do not get overwhelmed by the demands of other people. Without limitations, you are likely to be overburdened, stressed, and resentful, and it is up to you to set and maintain your limits.  You are responsible for your happiness and wellbeing. No one else can do it for you.

If you find it hard to say no, and it is affecting your wellbeing, you need to stop and recalibrate. Here are some critical elements for creating healthy boundaries:

1. Know your limits

Knowing yourself is the key to building and maintaining your personal boundaries. Know your emotional, mental, and physical limits. Work out what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed and what feels right.

2. Learn how to read your feelings

In assessing where your limits are, you will have felt a range of different emotions. Two basic emotions that signal that your boundaries are being crossed are resentment and discomfort. If you think you are being taken advantage of, not appreciated, or even being exploited, that is a sign you are being pushed beyond your boundaries, and it is time to reassert those boundaries and say no.

3. Give yourself permission to enforce your boundaries

It is okay to say no. In fact, it is necessary for your self-respect to maintain your boundaries and refuse an unwelcome request.  Quilt and self-doubt will be the two things you will wrestle with when staying true to yourself. Having clear boundaries and sticking to them is not selfish. In putting yourself first, you are ensuring that you will have the energy to do the things you want to do and be there for people when it is right for you.

4. Be clear about what's up for negotiation

Know what you need to stay happy and healthy, whether it is your daily walk, a social get together, or alone time. Make it clear that these are non-negotiable parts of your regular schedule. Similarly, be clear that you will not host family parties, but you will contribute with food or drinks. Being clear and direct about your boundaries leaves no room for doubt, guilt, or leverage.

5. Be direct

When you are clear about your boundaries, you do not need an excuse, a backstory, or a second party's approval. Be direct and leave it at that. You can be polite and kind about it, but in the end, it is okay just to say no and keep your boundaries strong.

This may look like an overwhelming task. Implementing the critical elements for creating healthy boundaries may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. So give yourself the credit you deserve when starting this task of following the 5 points to creating healthy boundaries in your life. Having some that will keep you accountable to your boundaries is very helpful. Make a boundary that any success in implementing healthy boundaries is to be celebrated.

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Happy, successful people know how to use the power of positivity in your life. They know what they want and use their outlook to get it.

The movers and shakers in this life spend their time talking and thinking about how to achieve what they want from life. Focus your thoughts on happy things; your body will release endorphins. These endorphins give a feeling of well-being. Take time to let yourself absorb this feeling. It will not take long to acquire a positive attitude.

The Importance of Optimism

Psychological testing shows optimism allows them to live a better life. This quality that successful people use, the power of positivity, is within everyone's reach. If you think your case is different, stop, optimism is a learned behavior. If you were lucky enough to grow up in this atmosphere, good for you. If not find positive people and surround yourself with them.

The Happy Find The Good In The World

The optimists have two distinct ways of dealing with the world. Positivity is the advantage they have:

• First, they have pictures of their dreams. They stay focused on their vision and educate themselves on how to achieve it. They also remain confident in fulfilling their dream.
• Second, the optimist's do not feel like a victim in problematic situations. When things start to go south, they filter the lesson and use the knowledge to improve their performance.
Whatever you focus on will become larger. Actively look for the best in every person and situation will give you a cheerful, positive attitude.

The Power Of Positive Thinking
Optimists look at events logically and stay in control of their emotions. They do not seek to lay blame outside themselves. Putting blame takes up too much of the most precious thing we have, time.

Positive thinking has several benefits for your life:
Motivation: Discipline and positivity are traits of a sharp mind. Pessimistic thoughts result in adverse actions. To reshape your future, replace pessimism with optimism.

Healthy Relationships: Birds of a feather, flock together. Surround yourself with happy, successful people, and you will attract more positive thinking people into your life. Trusting people are positive people. Without trust, you can not build strong relationships. It is in our DNA to seek faith.

Confidence: Negativity corrodes our self-esteem and confidence. Loving yourself is the key to a happy future. Optimists glow, stand taller, love freely, and laugh at themselves.

Healthy Mind & Body: Negative thoughts suck the life out of you physically and mentally. Insomnia and struggling to rise in the morning are side-effects of negative thinking. Your mind and body will pay the price of fatigue, weakness, depression, and lack of motivation because of negative thoughts.

Choose Happiness
Is the glass half full or half empty, the choice is yours. Be grateful for what you have instead of what you do not have. Most people are honest and kind. Look at people and see they are doing the best they can with what they have. Tom T. Hall says it best "Lord do not let me judge them, but if I do, let me give them lots of room."
It is easy to be happy when you are dealt good cards. Your real character shows through when you play every hand with enthusiasm. Develop the power of positivity in your life; it will pay off.

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Once you build self-confidence, your life will take a turn for the better. Building confidence you will start to take risks. This puts you on the road to a brighter future, which before you could only dream about. When you establish the habit of taking risks, you put fear behind you. Self-confidence is the process of admitting you have things you dread doing, yet you are willing to push through and find a way to keep your fears from ruling your life. Feel the fear, just do not succumb to the fear. From here go out and build self-confidence for a better life.

Take Responsibility

When you establish self-confidence, you have gained control of your life. You will learn to accept the consequences of your actions good or bad. A self-confident individual will feel motivated to take responsibility while honestly looking at their mistakes and incorporating what they learned into their next adventure. Self-confident individuals will be at the head of the line when an opportunity presents itself.

The paradox is when you are willing to take risks to better your life, you are actually more relaxed. You will relax when plans go awry. An example, you had plans to accomplish something outdoors, and the weather changes you shift gears and find something else to do with your time and are just as happy with this activity.

You will need to learn how to trust yourself if you wish to be successful at bettering your life. A side-effect of believing in yourself is you will be able to trust others. Putting trust in others is difficult to do, yet when you trust yourself, you have the capacity to trust others. Sometimes your faith may be misplaced. Through experiencing your own failings, you are able to forgive others of theirs and move on.

Take Risks

You have a creative and analytical mind. Using both the creative and analytical as a team, you will create a life beyond your wildest dreams. Getting comfortable taking risks lets you entertain new ideas, that before would have been discounted as ridiculous. This world is full of options. You are the only one that can implement them in your life.

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More often then not, you will feel uncomfortable. This is a normal side-effect of taking risks. Keep your eye on the goal, and you will be willing to accept these painful times. The willingness comes because you can no longer accept the status quo. You must create "Your Hearts Desire." 

The key that unlocks the door of happiness is acceptance. When you learn to accept both the good times and the bad times, you have now entered a new dimension of existence where the outside world does not dictate how you feel. If you still use the events happening around you as the primary source for your feelings, reread this article and try again.

Do not tell yourself this must be what God wants for me. Dream big and go for it.  We put limitations on ourselves, no one else.  You are the only one who can build self-confidence for a better life.

People have a lot of different views about what it takes to succeed and what success indeed is. Believe it or not, success is not so much about what you achieve and your position in life, but the courage you had to stick it out and stay there, the journey that got you there in the first place and continues to keep you there.

You need the courage to hold on to your success. That courage and resilience are genuinely strong traits, not the achievement itself. Winston Churchill said it best, “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

In this article, we are going to explain how success is not necessarily about the place you reach, but the courage it took you to get there. By the end of this article, we hope you will have the drive to show courage and resilience in fighting to hold onto your success.

Success is not final

As the famous quotation from Winston Churchill starts, “success is not final.” It is not a state that, once you reach it, you can not lose. You have to work to keep your success, and that work takes courage. You can not give in to failure, obstacles, or any other challenges. That courage and resilience will define your character as a successful individual. Successful people never give up or back down.

You can always come back from failure

No matter how bad the failure seems, there’s still a way back. There is always something you can do to come back from the defeat, so long as you dare to stick it out and get through it. That courage defines more of your success than achieving success in the first place. Success is not something you merely achieve and keep; you have to hang on to it and fight for it.

Your courage speaks for more than any success you achieve

Sure, achieving success in the first place is a feat, but holding on to it is the real success. The courage takes to overcome obstacles, potential failure, and hold on to your success no matter what speaks far louder than achieving success. Some can fall into success, but those people are far more likely to lose it.

Do you know who you are? Knowing yourself is crucial when making decisions about a path you are about to take. Unless another person truly knows you, do not let them influence you. Chances are they will have you do what is right for them not you. They mean well but will be destructive in your life.   Taking an inventory of our weakness, strengths, what gives us personal satisfaction, and where our does stress come from will help guide us onto the road to finding our happiness and sense of accomplishment we all need and desire.

Having done this, writing in a journal will bring about a deeper understanding of our weakness, strengths, and what gives us that sense of personal satisfaction that will provide us with the focus to follow through to the goal of our choice. Here are 12 questions that will get you started. They are designed to get us in touch with our inner feelings and beliefs. With the clarity that comes from journaling making choices in relationships, work life, and our personal experience will be more satisfying.                                                                                       

1. What is truly important to you? Describe this in as much detail as possible.                                     
2. Describe your values and why you treasure them
3. Describe what you would fight for to keep from losing.
4. What brings out that sense of achievement and happiness?
5. What does your life to look like in 5 years, ten years
6. What are your unique talents or gifts?
7. In the next year, what skill would you like to develop?
8. Imagine yourself 20 years from now, what would you regret not doing?
9. Describe your most significant achievement to date.
10. Describe your disappointments, failures, and sadness.
11. What angers or frustrates you?
12. Who is a significant influence or mentor in your life? How did they earn this position in your life?

Right or wrong usually is someone else’s idea for your life. There is no place for it when journaling. Answer these questions thoughtfully and honestly, a picture of your dreams and goals will materialize in front of you. Use these revelations in making decisions to shape your future.

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Do you know how to accept the events in your life as they occur in your life? Do you have the power to make the changes in your life that will allow you not to take this life so serious? The people that can laugh at themselves are in more control of their lives and accomplish more in less time.

When you accept things as they are in life, both in other people and yourself, now you are in charge. With this new power, you can see how to better your personal life. Discovering who you are is a side effect of this new found power.

When we act the same way at all times, we have found our identity. Every day we experience emotions, thoughts, behaviors, actions, and these influences cause us to see the world a little different. Every day we experience something new, our personality will reflect these events.

 Find Yourself

The world we live in desensitizes us. We're surrounded by the influences on TV, in the media, on radio, in homes, government, schools, etc.  To each his own, but it is easy to see the flaws in them. Seeing these flaws takes no effort, which is why it is easy. We cannot alter their behaviors and way of thinking, but we may change ours. Our attitude is a component of learning and accepting the realities. The best way to take charge of your life is to become your influencer and let others influences make another person's life unserene.

As you accept yourself as you are, laughing at yourself will become normal. For example, if somebody makes you crazy, you will see the futility in getting upset over their actions.  You will be able to see the humor in your behavior if you make an error and feed into their stupidity. Once you begin to see the humor in life, you will feel better inside as you start to permit yourself to make mistakes. When you learn to change to better you, others might follow. Your conduct will be far more effective at changing others than words could ever accomplish.

 Become the Channel

As you grow, it will be like a snowball rolling down a hill. It will get bigger and bigger with every movement. New ways to improve your mental and physical health will pop into your mind on a regular basis. Before when these ideas came they were discounted. Now that you allow yourself to make mistakes you can take chances on these thoughts. In time as you begin to feel better, you will see a need to exercise, eat correctly, and hang out with positive influences and so on. Once you grasp this energy, putting forth the effort to achieve your goals will not be an effort.

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