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You are well aware of the power of your emotions. You probably also understand how sometimes they can seem out of control and unmanageable. If you'd like to achieve emotional balance, greater control over your emotions, and better health, the following information will prove invaluable.

There are specific skills for managing emotions. These include: 

Definition: defining the emotion in your own terms and from your own understanding.

Distance: it is crucial to gain some distance from your emotions. This will help you gain a clearer understanding of your feelings and how they are impacting you. When you are in the middle of the situation dealing with the emotions will seem muddled, and you will struggle to see what is happening as well as the bigger picture. 

Release: by understanding and recognizing the emotion as well as achieving distance, you will be able to begin releasing the negativity surrounding it.

Focus: through focusing on the emotions and the attendant triggers, feelings, and behaviors, you can gain clarity and create change.

Regrouping: by following through the previous skills, you will be able to regroup your thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. Creating a new set of behaviors when dealing with difficult situations will help you to cope in the future. 

Maintenance: like all habits, practice makes perfect. You will need to continually remind yourself of the positive changes you have made concerning your emotions and their impact on your life. What will you do to remind yourself how to remain positive, calm, and balanced?

Writing can help you to achieve emotional balance as it will take you through all the skills above.

How does it work? 

If you are suffering from emotions such as sorrow, then everything you think, feel, and do will be tainted by it. It will have a negative effect on you and your actions. No one wants to live in sorrow for long. 

By taking a piece of paper and a pen, you can write yourself into a more emotionally balanced state. 

Start by writing a really happy memory of a time when you were not experiencing any sorrow or any other negative emotions. Make your writing descriptive so that you can see the scene, make it colorful, add sounds, smells, and things you can touch as well as taste. Write down how you felt and why you felt so positive and happy. Try and include the following: 

When?

Where?

What?

Who?

How?

Why? 

This positive memory will become an anchor. You can display it somewhere prominent or keep it safely hidden for use when needed. It is designed for use when you are feeling anxious, stressed, sorrowful, angry, or any other negative emotion. If you have a bad day, you can refer to it and be reminded of a happier time.

Next, follow each step from defining the negative emotion you are feeling to maintenance. Include the when, where, what, who, how, and why as this will help you understand the emotion as well as any triggers and resulting behaviors. 

By writing your thoughts and feelings at each stage, as well as identifying the triggers, you can not only understand the emotion better but yourself and your reaction to it. By having this written insight into yourself, you are learning how to take control of your feelings and achieve balance. You will be able to refer to it to remind yourself how to cope with stressful situations or simply how much you've achieved and grown.

Unfortunately, scientists have not yet discovered a one-stop cure to anxiety and stress. Many different components of life cause both long-term and short-term stress, and these are often closely linked and related to anxiety.          

There are many different stress management and anxiety-relieving approaches that you can practice that can support and help to manage these conditions. It is essential first to identify what is causing your stress and try to analyze patterns and themes between stress-inducing events. Below are six different strategies to help minimize stress and feel calmer overall in your life.

1. Proper Sleep 

Getting a proper night of sleep is one of the best ways to relieve stress and feel less anxious throughout the day. When you are not sleeping because all of your responsibilities are repeating through your mind before bed, it is important to take time to notice this and write things down before bed. 

By writing down what you have to do the next day, you will be able to relax your mind and not feel like you need to remember anything in the morning. Another important way to improve your sleep quality is to go to sleep at the same time every night in this way your body gets adjusted to a routine, and you will be tired every night.

2. Journaling 

Jotting down your emotions, thoughts, and the various stressors in your daily life will allow you to clear your mind and feel relaxed during the day. When everything feels bottled up in your mind, you will not be able to focus on the tasks and responsibilities right in front of you and will likely feel very overwhelmed.

The Five-Minute Journal is a great way to keep your journaling short and simple and stick to a structure. The journal prompts you with a list to fill in each morning and night that is not time-consuming. Journaling will allow you to empty the stress going through your mind and not feel like your anxiety is overbearing.

3. Meditation 

Meditation is a great way to clear your mind and learn to breathe more deeply when anxiety arises. Meditation is the best way to stay calm and allow your mind to feel balanced during the day. 

Taking a couple of minutes each morning for meditation is the best way to relieve stress and clear your mind before all of your responsibilities come into play.  Meditation will also allow you to stay present in the moment, which will alleviate your anxiety around the future.

4. Exercise and Make Healthy Choices 

Taking time each day for physical activity is one of the best stress relievers. By making time to go for a walk or attend a gym near your work or home, you will feel better and more alert throughout the day. Exercise will make your stress more manageable and has direct links with lowered anxiety.

5. Make Time for Self-Care 

Taking time for yourself is one of the best ways not to feel too overwhelmed with all of your responsibilities and allow your mind a place to calm down. There are so many different ways to practice self-care, including nature walks, practicing your favorite hobbies, or even watching your favorite television show. 

Stepping away from all of the stressors allows your mental health to improve and reduce the amount of anxiety and pressure you feel.

6. Positive Thinking

Lastly, positive thinking is a great way to reduce your stress and anxiety and stay more present in the moment. Practicing gratitude and realizing all of the great things in your life can allow you not to feel as overwhelmed by the responsibilities you have.

We have all felt the impacts of stress at some point in our lives, whether it be minor or significant. From work deadlines to school assignments or even paying off the bills, stress appears in many different aspects of our lives.

Short-term stress can make us feel anxious, exhausted, and irritable but is sometimes necessary for productivity and accomplishing our goals. However, chronic stress can have severe impacts on our health and well-being, which ultimately can lead to a shorter life span.

Chronic Stress

Long-term stress has proven to have adverse effects on our health and is much more common than one would imagine. According to WebMD, around 33 percent of people report feeling repeated and extreme stress throughout their daily lives.           

The causes of chronic stress can be anything from financial problems to a high-pressure job, to issues with family or our relationships. There are various ways that stress directly impacts our health, especially over the long term.

Symptoms of Chronic Stress           

There are many indicators that a person may be experiencing chronic stress. If they are overwhelmed and always busy, it may not be that easy to identify the symptoms and admit that they are stress-related. 

One of the most common symptoms of chronic stress is frequent tension headaches. Headaches can occur because when under pressure, you are likely not giving your mind as much oxygen as it needs. The built-up emotions that stress brings to the mind increase muscle tension and can impact our sleep.          

Stress can also increase our general anxiety levels, leaving us on edge and irritable throughout the day. Stress-related anxiety causes rapid breathing, high blood pressure, frequent stomachaches, and a weakened immune system. These impacts on the body leave you at risk for heart attacks and potentially very serious diseases. 

Long-Term Effects          

According to the American Institute of Stress, it is not the stressful situations that can kill you, but how you deal with the stress that affects your health. When your stress is excessive over long periods, you will begin to experience these symptoms and have a high risk of anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.         

A study done by the Mental Health Foundation discovered that 32 percent of respondents who were experiencing chronic stress admitted to having some form of suicidal thoughts at one point in their lives.           

Heart disease is another common way that stress impacts the body. People often turn to excessive eating, drugs, or alcohol to manage chronic stress, but in reality, this worsens their symptoms and long-term health.

The high blood pressure and cholesterol that results from these decisions can damage the artery walls and eventually lead to life-threatening heart problems. 

Preventing the Effects of Chronic Stress         

Fortunately, there are many ways to overcome chronic stress and prevent it from having lasting impacts on your health. One of the best ways to manage stress is to stay away from alcohol, drugs, and caffeine.           

Having a set daily routine allows the body not to feel as stressed and overwhelmed with responsibilities. Daily routines can also allow you to maintain a healthy lifestyle and make time for exercise each day, even if it means waking up an hour earlier.

Routines also help with maintaining a good sleep pattern and getting the proper amounts of sleep each night. You will not experience problems falling asleep if you go to bed at the same time each night, and your body will get adjusted to waking up early in the morning.           

There are many ways to manage stress and overcome it to prevent the life-threatening impacts that stress can have on the body and your overall health. It is essential to take the necessary steps to avoid these problems and stay mentally and physically healthy for the long-term.

At some point or another, everyone experiences stress throughout their daily lives. Whether it be something as simple as paying the bills each month or having too many responsibilities at work, or something more substantial like divorce or moving to a new place, stress follows us through all aspects of our lives.
Stress is inevitable and can cause many negative impacts on the quality of our lives and even our long-term health. Chronic stress can also occur without us realizing since we are so caught up in the daily motions and responsibilities of our lives.           

By identifying the different things that are causing stress in our daily lives, we can follow specific stress management techniques that are surprisingly simpler than one would expect. Stress management is not one size fits all, and not all methods work the same on every individual, but there are many things to practice to balance and notice our stress levels.

Journaling           

Although it may seem cliché, jotting down the various things that cause us stress and the emotions we deal with daily can significantly decrease our stressors and identify patterns and themes.        

The way to utilize a stress journal is to jot down what you are experiencing when you recognize a stressful situation in your life. You can write down the event or experience that caused your stress, the different emotions you felt going through it, and the way you responded to the situation.         

After a couple of weeks of doing things, you will likely be able to identify the themes where stress is occurring in your life, and a solution may appear sooner than you would think. For example, if each of your stress entries occurred while at work, it could be that your company or the position you are in is causing you more stress than you thought.           

Based on your various journal entries, you will identify ways to manage your stress on your own and adapt your life in order to feel calmer and less overwhelmed. By writing down your stressors, you will also be able to release the emotions rather than feeling like they are bottled up in your mind. This will relieve your brain fog and allow you to focus on the tasks in front of you.

Exercise           

Staying physically active for just a small amount of time each day is one of the best stress management techniques that is widely overlooked. Even though the things that stress you out may feel like they are priority over taking time for exercise, it is a huge stress reliever that is scientifically proven to improve not only your physical health but your mental health.          

Whether it be going on a mindful walk after work, or taking workout classes during a break at work, making time for physical exercise is a great way to relieve and strengthen the mind. You will feel better, which will make the daunting tasks you are stressed about a lot more manageable.

Meditation           

Although meditation may seem like a challenging task that takes a lot of time and effort, it is quite the opposite. Meditation allows you to connect with the mind and attempt to clear it of the different stressors that you experience throughout the day.           

Even just 20 minutes a day, when you first wake up in the morning, is proven to have tons of health benefits and will increase your productivity and alertness throughout the day. Meditation is crucial to the brain and is the best and most important stress management technique. Over time, meditation has a direct link with stress relief and overall calmness.

Some days you can hang out around the house spending quality time with the family and not have a care in the world. Other days, your mind seems to be racing, and nearly everything that’s occurred over the course of the day has only made you feel worse. 

That’s because the body has two major states: A stress state and a relaxation state. Depending on which state you’re currently in, your physical, mental and emotional states will all be vastly different. So, let’s go over what you might experience in each of these states.                                                                                                         

What is the stress state? 

According to the Cleveland Clinic, when you’re in the stress state, you’re in a state of constant alert. Your nervous system continually has the “fight-or-flight” mode activated, and your body and mind are both on edge, just waiting for the next “dangerous” event to occur. 

With extra adrenaline pumping through your body, you might notice that your heart is racing and that your blood pressure has skyrocketed. You might begin to feel some tension building up throughout your body, whether that’s in your muscles, joints, or in the form of a headache. 

You could even make yourself physically sick in the form of nausea, stomach cramping, or even more susceptible to common illnesses like the cold or flu. And forget about sleeping, because the stress and anxiety are also more relentless at night. 

Mentally, you might not be able to focus as well as you usually would. Your thoughts are racing, and it seems like your mind is bouncing around to 20 different ideas in a span of only a few minutes, and there’s nothing that you can do to calm it.

You might snap at people when they approach you and have a lower tolerance for what you’re able to “put up with” during the day. It seems as if the smallest things will set you off, even though you’re usually pretty calm.

What is the relaxation state?

According to the Mayo Clinic, being in the relaxation state involves having relatively low physical and mental tension flooding through your body. If you had to describe how you were feeling, you could probably describe it as “calm.”

Unlike the stress state, your blood pressure and heart rate are both within healthy ranges and, in fact, might be lower than they usually are. That’s because you have far less cortisol (the stress hormone) pumping through your body, which helps to put your body at ease physically.

When you’re relaxed, you might notice that any physical pain or muscle tension that has built up over the last several weeks is either less severe or completely gone. Your body seems to be functioning normally, and you just feel better than ever.

You can finally get to sleep at night, and your stomach and head no longer ache at the thought of going to work, school, or any major event. You’re much easier to associate with, and people aren’t afraid to bring you bad news in fear of how you’d react. 

You can tackle those big projects at work without fretting over every single task involved because you don’t feel as overwhelmed. Plus, you’re more likely to see the positives in even the worst situations that are going on around you.

 Final Thoughts

It’s natural for your body to fluctuate between the stress and relaxation state depending on what’s going on in your life physically, mentally, and emotionally. Though you can’t entirely prevent the stress state from coming on, you can put in the effort to identify your stressors and develop healthy coping strategies.

“Acceptance” is the last of the Five Stages of Grief developed by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. In short, the stage signifies the end of the grieving process and typically allows a person to return to their normal life.

Yet, there’s quite a significant misconception about this stage. So, let’s go over what the “acceptance” stage entails.

Misconception About the Acceptance Stage

Many people assume that the term “acceptance” in this case means that you’re okay with the loss. Yet, that’s not exactly true. Acceptance simply means that you’ve acknowledged that the loss will occur or has occurred.

Once you reach this final stage, you’ll likely experience a wave of calmness or peace. At that point, you’re ready to continue with your life and develop what you consider to be a new sense of normal.

Because of this misconception, others who are handling the same loss might feel you didn’t care all that much. After all, they might begin to wonder why you were able to move past the loss so quickly while they’re still struggling.

Don’t feel guilty about reaching the acceptance stage, especially if you reach it before somebody else who’s also experiencing the loss. Everybody grieves differently, and there’s no timeline on grief.

Creating a “New Life”

Now that you’ve come to terms with the loss, your life will forever be impacted. After all, you can’t expect to return to your pre-loss life without experiencing at least a few minor changes.

So, your new life might entail….

• Getting used to waking up alone or not having a person to reside with if your spouse passed away or you’ve gotten divorced
• Getting used to your new limitations and asking for help if you’ve recently been diagnosed with a medical condition or disability
• Getting used to building new friendships and connections after one of your most important friendships ends
• Getting used to working for a new company or performing different tasks if you’ve lost your beloved job

A lot of it comes down to being comfortable adjusting to the new changes after the loss. It might take a while reaching this stage, but this stage allows you the chance to work through the grief and move on with your life.

Shifting Your Perspective

When you reach this stage, you’re most likely going to notice that your perspective is permanently altered. Rather than thinking about your lost loved one or the tragic loss, you might find yourself reminiscing about happy memories (or positive aspects) instead.

So, instead of thinking about how stressful their last few days were, you might begin to feel thankful that you were able to spend their last few days on Earth with them.

If you’ve gotten divorced, you might conclude that the relationship was toxic and that moving on is best for your emotional and mental health.

When a job or career path comes to an end, a new door will open to an even better employment opportunity that fits your strengths better.

Final Thoughts

The acceptance stage is perhaps the most important stage of grief, but not all people will be able to reach it. It takes a lot of time and emotional anguish to experience the acceptance stage.

You’ll know you’ve reached this stage when you slowly begin to return to normal life without having the grief hold you back. Your perspective will be shifted, and you’ll experience the grief through a new lens: A more positive one.

“Depression” is the Fourth of the Five Stages of Grief that were created by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. This stage involves a sincere acknowledgment of the loss and a profound sadness because of it.

However, the depression stage can manifest itself in several ways. So, let’s go over what might happen when you enter into the “depression” stage.

Why Anger & Bargaining Turns to Depression

If you noticed the progression of the stages thus far, you’re beginning at a stage of complete denial and eventually leading yourself toward feeling your genuine emotions. So, you go from being angry about the loss to begging for a little more time.

Once you realize that no amount of begging will bring your loved one or relationship back, you begin to feel the sadness of knowing things won’t be the way they once were. That’s where depression rears its ugly head.

In this stage, you’ve come to terms with the fact that these changes or losses are really occurring and that there’s absolutely nothing that you can do about it. In actuality, all you can do is cope with your emotions.

What to Expect

You’ll probably spend a lot of time wondering what’s the point of even continuing with your life after this loss. After all, a significant part of your life was stolen from you, and you don’t know if you’ll ever fully recover.

Here’s what you might experience when you’re in the depression stage.

• Inability to sleep despite feeling extremely tired or fatigued
• Appetite changes, whether you’re eating to cope or just avoiding food altogether
• Lack of control of your emotions, including crying and anger
• A sense of loneliness
• A lingering sense of anxiety

Though we can’t put a timeline on each stage of grief, the depression stage does tend to last the longest. At the same time, it’s practically the last stage of grief, as the next stage would be acceptance and returning to your everyday life.

When the Depression Stage Becomes Actual Depression

Even though the depression stage is a completely normal stage of grief, there’s a point at which it becomes something more severe. We’re talking about when depression from grief becomes an actual mental health condition.

So, how do you know whether your depression stage is clinical depression? Well, the depression tends to stick around a little longer than it usually would.

While those around you are slowly moving on with their lives and returning to normal, you’re still engulfed in the sadness and unable to function as normal.

Some other effects might become a little more severe, including….

• Suicidal thoughts or just thinking about ending it all
• Sleeping much longer than usual and have a hard time getting out of bed
• Developing regret or guilt for things you did or didn’t do
• Lack of enjoyment of activities or hobbies you once loved
• Slacking on hygiene like showering, shaving, or cleaning the house

When you notice that your grief is lasting a little too long and that you’re in a downward spiral, it’s vital that you reach out for help and find professional health.

Final Thoughts

The depression stage is the last intense phase of the grieving process, but it begs to be felt. But, it also tends to be the longest stage of grief, so don’t be surprised if you have a low mood and intense sadness for a prolonged period of time.

The best thing you can do is to keep an eye on the depression stage and get professional help if it seems to be turning into clinical depression.

Even though we all experience grief in different and unique ways, the grieving process is generally structured into five main phases. The grief process was first identified by a woman named Elisabeth Kubler Ross in 1969 and has allowed people to understand their emotions and feelings as they go through something very overwhelming. 

These phases may arise in different ways depending on the person and occur in a different order. Before discussing one of the stages, it is crucial to understand that everyone grieves for different periods of time and that no process is set in stone.

What is Bargaining?

The third phase of the grieving process is known as bargaining. When you are experiencing some form of loss, you may feel as if you would do anything in the world to change the situation or get rid of the pain. You are hoping to reverse the outcome of the situation and make things back to the way they were and are willing to lose anything.

When you feel lost and uncertain, the bargaining stage comes into play, and you may try to promise or request something from a higher power. This stage is unique from person to person because it deals with one’s spiritual connection and religious values. This is because you feel hopeless and want to influence and be in control of the situation.

Bargaining with a Higher Power

Bargaining usually involves some form of regret or self-reflection that is then turned into a promise for the future should the situation be reversed. For example, you may make a promise to God that if the outcome changes in some way or if your pain goes away, you will never act a certain way or make someone angry.

Another example is promising to change and improve yourself if the person gets healed from whatever they are going through. Bargaining is a very common form of grief because we often look to a higher power when we feel out of options or overwhelmed. We hope that by connecting with this higher power and proving something of ourselves, that we will no longer have to go through the pain. 

What-If and If-Only Statements

Along with speaking to a higher power in hopes of changing your situation, you are also continually questioning and reflecting on times with that person or the times when things were different. You may figure out ways that you could have controlled the situation or reversed it or may reflect on times where you could have been a better person.

Guilt goes hand-in-hand with bargaining. You question the past constantly in search of ways that things could be different to hold onto times when everything was more normal. This is a form of negotiation that is very common throughout the grieving process because you are left full of uncertainty and are in a state of shock. 

Overcoming Bargaining

It is essential to understand that bargaining is an inevitable part of the grieving process, especially for those who are deeply connected to a higher power or some form of religion. You may feel that if you change a certain aspect of your life or if things could have been different, the situation would be reversed. However, it is important to focus on coping in the present instead of playing out past situations. By focusing on moving forward, you will eventually be able to let go of the past and the regrets or experiences that are out of your control.

“Anger” is the second of the Five Stages of Grief created by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. This is the first time in any stages of the grief process where you’re actually expressing your emotions and acknowledging the loss.

But, “anger” can mean a lot of things and it manifests itself in several different ways. So, let’s go over what to expect when you enter the anger stage.

Why Anger?

If you’re feeling sad because of the loss, why does it tend to show up as anger? Well, it all comes down to covering up your real emotions and hiding your sadness and grief from the outside world.

Think about it, you’re going through a tough time, and you’re overwhelmed with emotions overall. At the same time, you’re angry about the loss and just want to find someone or something to blame for your pain and suffering.

Targeting your anger toward specific people might be unwarranted, but it’ll most likely be your first method of coping with the loss.

What to Expect

You might find yourself angry at just about everyone and everything. It’s quite common to be a little snippy and short with people, even if they mean well and are just trying to lend a listening ear or a helping hand. Lashing out is common too.

Here’s a brief list of the potential sources of your anger.

• Anger at the doctors or nurses for diagnosing your loved one’s medical condition (or not diagnosing it sooner)
• Anger at yourself for not spending enough time with your loved one when they were healthy or alive
• Anger at your loved ones for not understanding your emotions or how you’re affected by the loss
• Anger at your spouse or significant other for breaking up with you or leaving you
• Anger at how the world seems to be ganging up on you and how negative things keep happening to you specifically

Even though you know your anger isn’t rational, it feels as if it is at the time. The most important thing you can do is let others know that you’re struggling with your emotions and that you don’t mean what you’re saying.

Getting Through the Anger

While there’s no good way to rush the grieving process, there are some ways you can limit the effects that your emotions are having on those around you. That’s especially important when you find yourself lashing out at those who don’t deserve it.

First, take some time to yourself and allow yourself to process the loss. Give yourself some space to handle your thoughts and emotions alone first before you begin opening up to those around you.

Find good coping strategies. It’s not okay to take your anger out on other people, so find a healthier way to handle your anger. Intense exercise can help you to burn off some steam while going out into nature might make you feel more relaxed.

The goal isn’t to simply cover up the anger, but instead, find a better method of letting it out.

Final Thoughts

Anger is an unavoidable stage of grief (for the most part), but that doesn’t mean that it has to ruin your relationships with those around you. Remember that there’s nothing that could’ve been done, and hindsight is always 20/20.

Take some time to acknowledge your emotions, but understand that your impulsive anger won’t solve anything in this situation. Do your best to rid yourself of any lingering anger by finding a healthier coping strategy to avoid taking it out on other people.

What's up my Brothers in Emmet Fox?  Hope you are all holding up strong with God during this time.  As for myself, this time has given me the unique opportunity to look at my true hearts desire- the original dream.  The John Moran Band Album.  When God revealed this to me I did what I learned at the retreats.   I prayed and then I contacted my favorite philadelphia songwriter and asked him if he would consider mentoring me.  He graciously agreed.  I currently have 2 song demos completed.  I am writing the songs, playing all the instruments, and doing all the recording production myself.  The work is quite intense, but I am having soooooooooo much fun!!!!  The second song took me about 120 hours over 10 days.  This is why I went to music school in the first place.  I'll post some tracks on here after I figure out how.  Peace and Love,  John

Grief from losses felt in life, whether death or otherwise is a natural process. To heal from grief is possible and can help protect your emotional and psychological wellbeing.

“Denial” is the first stage of the Five Stages of Grief compiled by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kesler. In essence, this stage occurs when you first hear about the loss and insist that it’s not happening the way it appears.

But, there’s a lot more to this “denial” than what the word implies. So, let’s go over what happens when you’re in the “denial” stage.

What’s Meant by Denial

When a significant loss occurs, your first thought will likely be, “this can’t be happening.” For a little while after that, you might refuse to believe that the loss has occurred (or will occur) and continue life as usual.

It’s not that you don’t believe that the loss has happened, but that you don’t want to believe that it happened. As long as you convince yourself that they’re still alive, that you’re still together, or that you weren’t fired, everything is right with the world.

Avoiding Emotions

When you deny that something traumatic has happened, you’re avoiding any type of emotion that’s typically involved with grief. To the outside world, it might look as if you don’t care about the loss since you’re not showing any type of outward emotion.

By forcing yourself to stay within the denial stage, you’re making yourself more likely to experience delayed grief. So, instead of experiencing the emotions of grief right now, they’ll happen at a later date instead.

That means….

• You might finally begin the grieving process days, weeks, months, or even years later
• Any event or trigger can suddenly ignite the grief without warning
• You’ll still experience the grief at some point
• The suppressed grief will begin to wear away at your emotional and mental states
• You’re only delaying the grief, not wholly avoiding it

The most harmful thing you can do when you’re grieving is avoiding your emotions altogether. So, make it a point to allow yourself to begin and continue through the grieving process to feel some emotions finally.

Slowly Transitioning

Denial is normal, but you’ll eventually find yourself transitioning over to a state of anger. The good news is, it likely won’t hit you out of the blue and at full speed.

Over a few hours, days, or weeks, you’ll eventually start to acknowledge to yourself what’s really going on formally. You’ll realize that the relationship is ending, your loved one is sick, or that you only have a few days left working at your current job.

Once it starts to set in, the emotions will begin to release themselves slowly. You might begin to question how you can continue with your life after such a traumatic and emotionally draining loss.

The important thing is to let yourself feel your emotions as they begin to take over. Remember that, as much as you deny that the loss is indeed happening, it doesn’t mean that it’s not happening.

Final Thoughts

Once a significant loss occurs, you’ll find yourself in a state of complete shock as you begin to dissect the emotions associated with losing someone or something you truly valued. However, this first stage is often void of emotion and leads you to a state of complete denial.

When you’re in the denial stage, you refuse to admit that you’re experiencing the loss or that it’s happening the way it seems to be. Over time, you’ll eventually come to terms with the loss occurring and begin to feel some sort of emotion.

Grief and loss are unavoidable parts of the human experience.

Key Facts About Grief

• Grieving is a process
• The way out of grief is through it
• Grief comes and goes
• It takes time to go through the grief process and that time is highly individualized
• Avoiding the process of grief can lead to serious emotional and psychological issues
• The grief process is highly enhanced with support from others
• By giving oneself time and grace, grief can be processed, and one can move forward in life

The Stages Of Grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first introduced what is now commonly referred to as the Five Stages of Grief. In her 1969 work, On Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross outlined these five stages as representing the feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy based on her many years of work with terminally ill cancer patients.

The stages she outlined were: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Denial 

The initial stage outlined in Kubler-Ross’ process is denial. Denial is typically characterized by shock and numbness. The psyche develops a protective mechanism that initially causes the impacted individual to respond in disbelief (Kubler Ross stages of grief, n.d.). This helps us process what is happening by slowing the onset of our understanding, thereby allowing us to pace our emotions gradually over time (Kessler, 2013). 

Anger

Anger is the second stage of the Kubler-Ross model. Once the reality of what has happened sinks in, shock and numbness become replaced by rage and resentment. Though displayed as anger, this is genuinely just displaced pain. As the psyche tries to find a rationale for why the loss took place, in the initial stages, often there aren’t logical/acceptable answers. This lack of sense causes hurt, which we experience and project as anger (Kubler Ross stages of grief. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.journey-through-grief.com/kubler-ross-stages-of-grief.html).

Bargaining

The third phase of the Kubler-Ross stages of grief is bargaining. This stage involves going to a higher power and mostly trying to bargain for the return of whatever is lost or in the process of being lost. 

An example might include asking God to save the life of a loved one pronounced brain dead or trying to make a deal with a boss to get a job back after just being fired. Bargaining can also be experienced as thinking in “what if” or “if only” terms. For instance, “What if I had done this?” or “If only I had done that.” This stems from a desire to return to a life before the loss, so one focuses on scenarios that could have potentially prevented the loss from occurring. 

Depression 

Depression is the fourth stage of the Kubler-Ross model. This stage involves the realization that the loss is going to take place. Its characterized by deep sadness and sorrow regarding the loss. 

The length of this stage varies from person to person, and its duration and severity are heavily influenced by the type of loss experienced (i.e., physical, social, job, etc.). For some, this stage lasts days or weeks, while others can experience this stage for weeks or months.

Acceptance 

The final stage of the Kubler-Ross model is acceptance. Acceptance is simply the realization and acknowledgment that the loss has occurred and is reality. This is not to be confused with the belief that a person agrees with the loss that has taken place; this simply means there is a realization that nothing can be done to change the outcome. Thus, the focus can be shifted towards moving forward versus trying to go back or getting stuck in the loss.

Grief Is A Process 

The process of grieving after a loss is just that, a process. It takes time to go through each of the stages outlined in the Kubler-Ross model, and there should be no pressure to rush through .these stages 

Individuals should take their time to experience the emotions and stages in their entirety so they can completely and wholly grieve and heal from the experienced loss. By giving oneself time and grace, grief can be processed, and one can move forward in life.

References:

Johnson, P. (2007, February 1). Coping with death and grief. Retrieved from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/coping-with-death-and-grief/ 

Kessler, D. (2013, October 15). Five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. Retrieved from https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ 

Kubler Ross stages of grief. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.journey-through-grief.com/kubler-ross-stages-of-grief.html

“Nobody else can involve you in difficulty or limitation. Neither parents, nor wives, nor husband, nor employers, nor poverty, nor ignorance, nor any power whatever can keep you out of your own when once you have learned how to think.” Emmet Fox (Find & Use Your Inner Power)

Learned is the keyword in his writing. Meaning; (of a person) having much knowledge acquired by study.

Most of our limitation was instilled in us by others. We block most of God's work in our lives because we do not understand the limitations given to us through the sins of our fathers. 

For example, what do you picture when you read "given to us through the sins of our fathers". The word sin has a meaning we did not learn for ourselves. We were taught the meaning of this word from the limitations of our fathers and never question it. The word "father" you probably think of your father, grandfather, and down through your linage. Maybe "father" is someone in a teaching role.

To learn I needed to first unlearn.

Grief is an entirely natural part of being a human being. At one point or another, every person alive will experience this emotion in their lifetime. Grief is a bit different than simply feeling sad or upset. It is a much stronger experience usually brought about by a dramatic life change, such as the death of a loved one or an unexpected diagnosis.

While everyone experiences grief, the way it manifests from person to person almost always varies. We are all unique individuals going through life with wildly different perspectives. However, there are responses to grief that are either healthy or unhealthy, regardless of who is experiencing them. 

In this article, we will discuss a few healthy and unhealthy responses to grief so that you are more aware of how you or someone in your life is handling a difficult place in life.

Healthy Responses

• Allowing Yourself Enough Time To Heal

Given that grief is caused by traumatic life experience, it is crazy to think that getting through the process should be quick. Pretending like everything is okay and back to normal, feeling as if you should have gotten over it by now is nonsense. If you are in the grieving process, be kind to yourself. Realize that there is no set timeframe for your situation. This also goes for dealing with someone in your life going through a similar ordeal.

• Distinguishing Between Alone Time & Isolation
  

It is normal to want to be alone more than usual when experiencing grief. Being alone is a healthy way to gather your thoughts and sort things out mentally. However, extended periods of isolation in which you shut yourself off to the outside world entirely, not the right decision. 

As humans, we are social creatures, and this includes dealing with difficult emotional situations. Giving yourself or someone you know time alone during the grief process is healthy as long as this does not turn into complete isolation. 

• Feel Safe To Vent
  

Grief is one of the strongest emotions that a person can feel. Therefore, there is often a considerable buildup of emotional tension that, if kept bottled up, can be extremely detrimental moving forward. It is essential to understand that venting is okay, as long as it is not harmful to you or anyone else.

If you need the ear of someone close to you to pour your heart out, let them know. If punching your pillow for half an hour gives you a bit of peace, knock it out. Emotions of this magnitude must not be suppressed. 

Unhealthy Responses

• Chronic Denial

Although denial is somewhat common in the early stages of the grieving process, this becomes unhealthy in a chronic state. In an attempt to protect itself, the mind will often try to block the traumatic event, forming a sort of fantasy in which it never happened. Among other things, chronic denial inhibits the healing process. When a person never accepts whatever terrible thing has happened, a vicious cycle occurs that never allows any resolution.

• Risk-Taking Behavior
  

It is somewhat common for a person to engage in uncharacteristically risky behavior when dealing with grief. Whether to vent, suppress the hurt, or forget what has happened, the individual may turn to external coping mechanisms such as drugs, alcohol, or life-threatening acts. Why this is an unhealthy response needs no explanation.

However, it is crucial that if you are experiencing this behavior that you seek help. 

• Excessive Guilt
  

When referring to excessive guilt, we are not talking about a situation in which you are grieving something for which you are responsible for. That is an entirely different animal. Instead, many people feel a sense of unwarranted guilt for a traumatic situation.

They feel like they could have done more to prevent it or like they may have been an underlying cause of the event. This response not only hinders the healing process, but it also takes an immense toll on a person’s emotional and physical health.

While the question posed by the title of this article may seem obvious, grief is a particularly interesting emotion. We all know that it is caused by an extremely unfortunate life event, such as the death of a loved one or a negative change of some sort, but pinning down an actual definition that sufficiently describes grief is not a simple task.

It is easy to see how grief is commonly used as a synonym for other emotions such as sadness, hurt, and frustration. Although there are similarities between these emotions, grief is an experience very unique to itself.  

First of all, the times in life when a person truly experiences grief are not fleeting moments that quickly fade away. People will always remember the periods in their life that were so upsetting and painful that they felt the real emotional discourse that grief entails.

On the other hand, feeling sad is a fairly common occurrence for the majority of individuals. Most of the time, sadness is resolved rather quickly, coming and going without any lasting changes to life. With sadness, there doesn’t tend to be a process for working through the situation. This is the same for other emotions often associated with grief, like hurt and frustration.

Grief is not a passing feeling that someone experiences for a moment or even a day, an experience that is forgotten as soon as the next emotion experienced takes its place. You are probably familiar with the term, “grieving process,” and this term describes what this emotion is a process. 

There are multiple stages of the grieving process that people tend to go through, although the order and duration of these stages almost always vary according to the individual. What is universal, however, is that reaching a state of healing after an event monumental enough to cause genuine grief takes time, sometimes a lot of it.

Another unique aspect of grief is that, unlike weaker negative emotions, unresolved grief can very easily disrupt a person’s entire life. For example, we have all heard of people becoming completely derailed after a tragic event.

This can look like substance abuse, wildly uncharacteristic behavior, isolation from the outside world, and complete loss of interest in hobbies and activities. Getting upset at a rude comment or becoming frustrated at a boss or colleague doesn’t possess nearly this much power.

Given that grief most certainly can become a detriment to an individual’s life far down the road, those experiencing it must be allowed to sufficient time to work through the process. 

Furthermore, dealing with grief alone is very difficult, if not impossible, to accomplish. Whether experiencing this emotion personally or being aware that someone else is going through it, being surrounded by those who care is critical, some feelings are too intense to be dealt with alone. 

Although odd, grief can also be a series of conflicting emotions. The death of a loved one is extremely saddening, whereas the knowledge that they are no longer experiencing the pain and suffering that went on for a long time due to a terminal disease can be comforting.

Moving out of a home filled with years of fond memories and leaving behind a familiar city can certainly feel tragic, but the excitement of a new job, new school, or new opportunities can ease much of the pain. Grief is an extremely complex emotional experience. 

So, what is grief?

Grief is a lot of things coinciding. It is deep sadness, loss, and hurt blended with release, newness, and resolve. Trying to place a concrete definition on such a strong emotion deprives the individual experiencing it the validation required to work through it.

During these trying times, we are all grieving in different ways. People are experiencing tremendous losses, and many feel like they are grieving alone. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a job, or the feeling of structure and routine, a loss is present for nearly everyone.

High school and college students do not get to experience the graduation ceremony they have awaited, and rituals and gatherings are postponed indefinitely. During these times more than ever, it is essential to be supportive and reach out to your loved ones, and below are a few ways to do so.

1. Stay in Contact

During times like these, we all feel somewhat isolated and separated from some of our loved ones or friends. By reaching out with a phone call, text, or even a handwritten letter, you can make this person feel supported and connected. Keeping up with your loved ones and those who are grieving around you is crucial when there is a loss of human interaction.

2. Refrain from Comparison

When talking through difficult conversations like death or other forms of losses, it may be easy to relate it to yourself to make the other person feel like they are not alone. However, this comparison can make them feel like their emotions are invalid and not understood. Rather than comparing their loss to yours, listen to what they are going through and be there for emotional support.

This allows them to express their emotions, and sometimes just talking about the situation rather than keeping it bottled up can help improve their situation.

3. Assist with meals

When someone is grieving a loss, it can be hard to get off of the couch or out of bed to cook a meal. By going to the grocery store for them and preparing food for them, this can improve their day significantly and show them how much you support them.

When someone experiences a loss, their whole routine will feel out of line, and it will take time to adjust, so anything you can do to keep their routine moving will be greatly appreciated.

4. Listen 

Although there are many ways to show your support for loved ones who are grieving, one of the most important things to do is just be there with open ears. Even though it may seem like the person needs advice, they often just need a place to let out what is going through their head and feel like they have someone there for support.

Unless asked for advice, the best thing to do is acknowledge their feelings and let them know that what they are going through is very typical during a loss.

5. Avoid Judgement

Since everyone grieves in different ways, it may take your loved one a lot longer to adjust emotionally and mentally than you would expect. Instead of judging them and wishing that they would be back to normal, you need to let them adjust.

Especially during difficult and unpredictable times like these, someone may be grieving over something that you may not think is a big deal in comparison to other events going on. However, judging the situation and providing these types of opinions will only hurt the other person and make their feelings seem invalid.

There are many different ways to be supportive in times of grief, and these different solutions will vary based on the situation and what the other person is going through. It is essential to recognize that during times like these, people may be grieving things that stray from the norm, but being there for them and reaching out for support will help them in more ways than you could imagine.

“Personal criticism is one of the dead weights that hold us in limitation. The sole reason why some people do not get their healing, or find their True Place in life, is that they constantly indulge in personal criticism – mental, if not spoken.” Emmet Fox (Sparks of Truth)

Personal criticism starts with "I could have done better".

Well-meaning adults drilled "You could have done better" into us from our birth. This is the biggest lie we were ever told. It is impossible to have done better. We did not have the knowledge or it was not part of our heart's desire.

Without those two things, you can not have done better. The bible tells us the sins of the father will be passed down to 5 generations. Today I look at what I have done and decide if I would like a different outcome I need to educate myself and Golden Key the action I wish to change. With sufficient learning and prayer, I will demonstrate my desired result.

Forgive yourself for the seeming deficiency. Remember attention was focused on our mistakes. In school, every mistake got a big "Red" checkmark. Any other mark was in regular ink. There was never a purple or green mark for doing it "right". There was no celebration, only move on to the next task. 

It is not surprising that we criticize ourselves. It was drilled into ourselves from our home, schools, and the pulpit. 

We rush from task to task, making a daily concerted effort to complete something. Often, it feels as though you're trying to run up the down escalator. We speed along to the next thing, always in a rush to get it over with, to race to the next thing. Rarely do we reach what we consider to be our final destination. When we do manage it, we look around at the chaos we created and realize that it was all down to us. 

We are stressed out, completely exhausted by the daily grind. We never have enough time for the things we truly value or what we'd like to be doing. It might feel like there's no other choice, but the reality of the matter is that it doesn't need to be this way. You can live a simple life or at least simpler. You can enjoy life; you can find serenity instead of rushing from thing to thing. 

Everyone wants serenity. This elusive state that we are convinced only monks can achieve. Serenity makes you better equipped to handle life. You become more adept at handling problems. Once upon a time, something that seemed like a massive catastrophe is merely a small issue. 

You can react with clear, steady thinking. It's impossible to achieve this without effort. To become a serene person and live a calm life, you must build positive mental habits to create a peaceful mind. You need to eat well and exercise to support a healthy body. 

Simplify Life 

You can go Marie Kondo and toss everything that doesn't spark joy in your life. However, simplifying your life doesn't necessarily mean weighing up only material items. Look at your life. Are there things you're obsessed with? Do you have too much stuff? So much that it's packed away because you don't know what else to do with it? Do you have a nasty shopping habit, even though you don't need stuff?

This isn't about throwing everything away. It's about building a healthy relationship with material wealth and possessions.

Ego 

Your ego can create havoc. It's always trying to prove you're better than everyone else. It judges, it compares, and it's exhausting. Try to pay more attention to it in action. You will see a difference between what you want to do versus what your ego suggests you do. Are you chasing a goal or a dream because it's what you want or because it feels like it's what you should want? The latter isn't going to help you find serenity. 

Let Go  

The anger and resentment you carry with you makes life heavy. You are going to experience disappointment because people will always let you down. It's natural. You can't influence the hurt they cause; you can only change your response to the pain they cause. It's time to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the hurt is misguided versus intentional. It's an essential aspect of finding serenity. 

Mindfulness & Compassion

To find true serenity, you need to be mindful of your emotions, actions, and thoughts. Be conscious about what you say, how you act, how you feel, and what you think. Self-observation will help you understand yourself better, and meditation will help you transform yourself. Pay attention to your intentions and be willing to get to know yourself on a deeper level.

Compassion is something that you should extend to yourself as well as to others. Judge yourself less, be kind to yourself, revel in joy. Forgive, forget, practice compassion, and move forward. That is what it means to live a serene life and be peaceful.

Everyone has dreams and goals. However, not everybody lives their dream. Such is the reality of life, but it does not have to be a reality for you. Believe it or not, you have greatness in you. We all do because the ability to realize our full potential is directly powered by our attitude and the way we handle ourselves in front of adversities. Every so often you will hear someone say "I did not make it because the deck was stacked against me…" – that is an excuse, but it is not true.

Most people fail to achieve their greatness not because life handed them a lousy hand, but simply because they adopted the wrong attitude.

In the words of Les Brown, "Just because fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up." When you speak the right words and cultivate a different mindset, you can reach your desired altitude regardless of the circumstances.

The way by which we operate as humans is a manifestation of what we believe is possible for us. It begins with the words that you say with your lips. These are a representation of what you believe with your heart. This belief acts on the subconscious mind and transforms into a series of behavioral patterns that form your attitude. People with the right attitude react positively to whatever life throws at them. For some, it can take a while, but with consistency, they do manage to overcome their adversities. Often, when you overcome your difficulties, you achieve great heights, higher than you could have imagined for yourself.

Oprah Winfrey faced a lot of adversities in her life. Before she became the Oprah that everyone in the world knows and adores now, she was an 'ordinary' woman. She went through the highest forms of body shaming and abuse, racial abuse and was even sexually abused by some members of her family. She never let all this get in the way of her dreams and goals. She turned each adversity thrown at her, into a personal triumph and developed the attitude of a winner. With a great attitude and tenacity, Oprah Winfrey managed to excel in everything she did. She graduated high school as an honors student, earned a full scholarship to college, rose through the ranks of television to become a global personality that everyone looks up to.

That is the kind of attitude that one must adopt to reach the summits. It begins by changing the way you speak about yourself and then changing the way you react to events, whether good or bad. If you genuinely want to live your dreams, you must confess with your mouth that it is "POSSIBLE" and believe with your heart that indeed you have greatness within you. You must be relentless in your approach and refuse to lose momentum in your pursuit of success.

J.K. Rowling, a well-known author, went through many disappointments before she managed to sell her first novel. While recovering from a divorce, Rowling was surviving on government aid with barely enough to feed her baby. She could not afford to buy a computer or to foot the cost of photocopying her first book. She did not let these challenges stop her. Instead, she sat down and typed with her own hands, each copy that she sent to potential publishers. Even then, many publishers rejected her manuscript. However, she did not allow those rejections to stop her from reaching her desired goal. She persisted until an eight-year-old girl, daughter of CEO to a small publishing company called Bloomsbury, gave her a breakthrough.

We can all reach our desired goal if we try relentlessly- The key is adopting the right attitude and encourage yourself to keep going after your dreams. Remember, the words you choose to say or write, translate into an attitude which then enables or disables your ability to go after your dreams. Choose carefully the words you focus on because what you focus on, expands into your reality.

If you choose to focus on negative words, it will only hinder your progress and prevent you from reaching your desired goal. So choose to focus on positive words and unlock your growth to achieve your desired goal!

Do you remember the dreams you had when you were young? Those ambitious aspirations about a rich, powerful, and exciting lifestyle you often imagined? Do you remember being sure you would one day attain them? Maybe you would even tell people about them without any hesitation, or perhaps they were so big you preferred keeping them to yourself to avoid being discouraged by those who thought they were unattainable. That life you saw back then was the abundant life you knew you were destined to live.

Maybe as a child, you didn’t dare dream so big because you just didn’t have anyone to model it for you. Then you grew up and discovered you could become so much more than you had ever believed you could be. Your dream came alive, and you began to see yourself in high places, doing mighty things, and rubbing shoulders with exceptional people.

Either way, you know them deep in your heart: your wildest dreams. Perhaps you still think of them once in a while, a flicker of hope comes up inside of you for a moment. You know in detail where you should be, but what is keeping you from getting there? What is preventing you from living your best life?

Own your dreams and have your carefully marked scale to measure your achievements. Do not compare yourself with anyone but relentlessly go for your set goals. Many people may advise you to be grateful for what you have already, but if you know that is only, but the tip of the iceberg for you, then don’t stop. Keep on going until you reach your predetermined destination. If you get there and find out it is not exactly what you thought it would be, put on your walking shoes again and continue the quest.

Gratitude is good every step of the way because it keeps you positive and somehow opens up more opportunities for good things to keep happening to you. You also get to enjoy the journey despite challenges on the way if you have an attitude of gratitude. If, however, gratitude becomes all you have, then you risk being caught up in limitation and settling for a half-full life. By all means, celebrate your mini victories leading you to your macro-goal, but don’t be caught up in them so much you end up comfortable before you have arrived at your destination.

Let the words of your mouth be progress-oriented. At every stage, it is essential to look back and see how far you’ve come just to appreciate your blessings and achievements, but what is more important is to look ahead and gear up for where you are headed and be as clear as day about your final destination. It doesn’t matter if it takes years or decades and many detours on the way. As long as you arrive at the pinnacle of your life, using the right words, you will taste the sweet victory. Oh, and try to enjoy this transformative journey as well- this is what makes it memorable!